OOC - I hope everyone enjoys reading this. Good luck to everyone involved in the match!
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Using his camera phone Kevin Owens was walking into an office building recording a video, the startled workers could all be seen staring at the camera, however Owens clearly had his eyes fixed on one person in particular. He moved through the office and sat at the desk within thia particular mans office, he switched the screens recording feature so it was no longer on him, but pointed squarely at the stunned gentleman. Sat bhind a desk, he was wearing a charcoal grey suit and surrounded by paperwork. -----------------
Kevin Owens - One thing I know since coming back to the EBWF as part of the disgustingly huge contract I was given is I am obliged to speak about every match I involved in. Otherwise it becomes null and void and I don’t get to put food on the table for my family. So I have come to see my awful lawyer Derek today, who will be reading a statement on my behalf regarding my up and coming match at Wrestlemania, so enjoy!
The camera shook as Owens threw a wad of paper to Derek and could be seen pointing at it with his finger. Off camera Owens voice could be heard saying ”read” to the reluctant lawyer. Opening the document slowly, Derek cast his eye over it quickly. Although he did not appear entirely comfortable he began to read aloud as he had been told to do so.
Derek - Hi Kevin, as always it’s a pleasure…….
With a slightly irritated tone Kevin Owens once again told his legal expert to read the statement.
Derek - Recently Mr Owens tweeted the following statement, ‘video killed the radio star and social media killed real wrestlers.’ Mr Owens has made his name wrestling the world over to get where he is today and he’s put in a match with 5….. I can’t read this.
Off camera Owens could be heard shouting “READ IT”.
Derek - ….. he’s put in a match with 5 undeserving bottom feeding leeches who will do everything they can to be the ‘superstar’ the EBWF wants them to be. Mr Owens worked his entire life to get to Wrestlemania by being himself and not whatever the idiot suits want him to be.
Kevin Owens lawyer took a deep breath and muttered to himself before continuing to read.
Derek- (I don’t get paid enough for this shit) The other 5 competitors in the Intercontinental championship ladder match are nothing but cheap EBWF prostitutes doing what they are told like pathetic lap dogs. Mr Owens doubts that any of them can even remember who they truly are and why they even got into the wrestling business, they have become so blinded by being what the EBWF wants them to be.
Derek rolled his eyes as clearly he was reading ahead the statement in front of him.
Derek - Subject one. Mankind. A once great wrestler who should now be admired is having that one last run at the big time. Mr Owens would like to point out to Mankind it is no longer 1999 and sitting in rooms rocking back and forth in the same old mask smacks of desperation, trying to living past glories. Mr Owens would like to point out that the chances of Mankind being able to drag his giant sack of meat body up a ladder is slim to none and will therefore has no chance of winning the match.
Derek took a sip from a glass of water in front of him, which prompted Owens off camera to shout again “I’M PAYING YOU TO TALK NOT DRINK, IDIOT.”
Derek - Subject two. Shane Helms. Mr Owens hasn’t see Shane Helms since returning, nor does he expect to see him do anything of note within the ladder match, therefore no chance of winning the match. Subject three. Dolph Ziggler. The most tragic of everyone in the match. Mr Owens would like to bring to everyone’s attention that Mr Ziggler’s fall from grace as one of the brightest superstars in the EBWF is so great that he is now going on Warfare begging for matches. Mr Owens cannot remember the last time Dolph Ziggler done anything to deserve a title shot. Mr Ziggler has sat on the EBWF payroll, stealing a living from those real wrestlers in the world who actually deserve a chance to showcase their talent. Mr Ziggler is one of those so called wrestlers who are willing to bend over and take whatever is given to them in order to be a ‘superstar’. Mr Owens would like to remind Mr Ziggler that he was born with a wrestling silverspoon in his mouth and had Mr Ziggler actually bothered to put in just 1% of the effort that Mr Owens has in his life then Mr Ziggler would not need to beg for matches and actually earn them on merit. At Wrestlemania Mr Ziggler will no doubt continue his career of coasting by doing as little as possible, which means he has no chance of leaving Texas with any form of championship belt.
Derek puffed out his cheeks and continued to read.
Derek - Subject four. Shinsuke Nakamura. Mr Owens would like to point out that in Japan Mr Nakamura was a hero and since coming to ‘merica that he has become a joke. The lesson Mr Nakamura needs to learn is that in Japan life is that much easier and he just does not work as hard as Mr Owens. Becoming a hero in Japan is simple, Mr Owens knows that if he was to move to Japan he would easily surpass Mr Nakamura’s popularity and achievements within weeks. However Mr Owens points out there he has no interest in performing for Japanese fans, who are amazingly even worse than the ill informed, fickle American fans. Mr Nakamura will be able to leave Wrestlemania as the King of Strong Style, but certainly will not leave the Intercontinental champion.
Flicking the page over, Derek came to the final page.
Derek - Subject five. Syxx. What on earth can be said about Syxx. An innovator, a true legend who has become nothing more than a comical side show in the EBWF. What disappoints Mr Owens the most is how Syxx is just happy to accept this terrible position he holds within the company. The only redeeming thing in Mr Owens eyes is that he will be able to do the world a solid and take the title from him. At least that way Mr Owens will no longer have to endure Syxx’s dire segments on television, easily the worst thing in the EBWF since John Cena’s coma inducing snore fest interviews. In conclusion Mr Owens states the only truly deserving participant in the match is himself and looks forward to serving as the first true wrestling Intercontinental champion, and not some manufactured robot the EBWF wants. This concludes Mr Owens statement regarding his Wrestlemania match. He thanks you for listening.
With that the camera phone focus spun around to selfie mode showing Kevin Owens again.
Kevin Owens - So there it is, at Wrestlemania I get the chance to prove what a great WRESTLER does. Not worrying about how many followers I have on social media, not worrying about getting the right hashtags but showing that you don’t have to accept the manure you are force fed. I am the last of us.
With that the camera cut off.
