And that's exactly how it happened
Posted: Sun Jul 22, 2012 12:54 pm
*EBWF camera's caught up with Maryse and Daffney in the midst of an argument as they walked through a large film studio. They had just left an office room and the door was slammed behind them. On the walls were various framed posters of big budget films that ranged from sci-fi, comedy and action. They had just left a meeting and judging by their disagreement it must have ended poorly. They were both dressed in an overly fancy style. Maryse was covered in head to toe in white. A short dress with a ruffle pattern, elbow length gloves, high heels and a fur boa resting along her shoulders. Expensive gold bracelets covered her wrists and she was also wearing stylish, gold hoop earrings.*
Mayrse: I really hope you're happy. You screwed that up royally. Dick move, Daffney. Dick. Move.
*Daffney was dressed in similarly ritzy fashion. She was wearing a long, black draping dress with grey stitching designs across it. She wore elbow length gloves as well in black as well. A small top hat with a violet colored flower rested on the side of her head. She also still wore her spooky pale make up.*
Daffney: Me? I screwed it up? You screwed that up. Just like you screw anything with a pulse.
Maryse: I am a Queen. I couldn't have possibly sabotaged anything.
Daffney: ..Blow job Queen.
Maryse: Queen of the RING, bitch! And instead of getting to star in a huge summer smash I'm still going to have to wrestle that red headed skank Maria.
Daffney: And she's never done anything but diddle CM Punk. And she apparently wasn't even good at that. So cry me a river and then go drown in it.
Maryse: That isn't the point! I KNOW I'll win if I wrestle her. I'm not adding 'loss to a firecrotch airhead' to my resume. It's the point that I HAVE to wrestle her instead going off to Hollywood! Did I mention that you completely botched this? Because you did.
Daffney: How was that possibly my fault?
Maryse: I remember it vividly..
*A rippling effect took over the camera in the standard way most sitcoms do when they present a flash back. The effect faded away and Daffney and Maryse were showing sitting in a very large, posh board room with leather chairs. Across from theme was a dashing man in a white suit with a red tie. He had short, choppy blond hair, very stylish with piercing blue eyes. His hands were folded at a table he sat at across from the two diva's. His smile was pleasant and warm.*
Executive: So I understand that you two are professional wrestlers, correct?
Maryse: That is our main profession but we're so much more than that.
*Maryse grinned flirtatiously and the man returned the look.*
Executive: Your contracts with your employer are fairly lucrative. Why would you want to get out of them?
Maryse: They aren't using us correctly. We could be huge, multi-media stars. But they would rather waste valuable television time on people like Maria Kanellis.
Executive: Hm. Maria Kanellis.
*The executive stroked his powerful jaw*
Executive: I don't believe she would make it in Hollywood. Limited IQ. And she is also a filthy soulless ginger. We've got enough of those as it is.
Maryse: I couldn't agree more. Women like her should be eradicated from this planet.
Executive: Ah ha ha! Great minds like alike! Ah ha ha!
Maryse: Ah ha ha!
*The two shared in a bit of hearty laughter before Maryse slammed one of her fists onto the table.*
Maryse: But we aren't here to talk about disease infested tramps. We're here because we want to pitch a movie to you. A movie about us.
Executive: Really now? Do you have any television experience outside of wrestling?
Maryse: Well..
*The French-Canadian flashed a devilish smile.*
Maryse: Daffney does have a commercial..
*Maryse lifted a small black controller with a single red button on it. After pressing the shiny, red button, a monitor behind the trio came to life with footage. It revealed Daffney standing behind a colorful and striped backdrop. Hanging above her was a flashing sign that read "DAFFNEY DONUT". The "o's" in the word's were made to look like enormous donuts. The gothic female was wearing a strange, donut inspired dress. There were also two chimps on either side of her. All three performed an odd little dance, completely in unison with one another, before Daffney struck a pose.*
Daffney: Glaze my donut! Try my donut! Eat my donut!
*Daffney sunk low in her chair after watching the footage and tried to cover her face with her small top hat.*
Executive: Interesting. But not exactly what we're looking for here.
Maryse: Then how about something like this?
*After another press of the button from her fancy, schamny remote, a much different visual appeared on the large screen. A dark night's sky over a run down city. Dub step music played. A jet hanging over head and screams of civilians were heard. A frightened pack of people ran from a large, ancient monster. A mummy with a single glowing eye. A pair of motorcycles collided with the beast and sent it flying. The black harley's were being ridden by Daffney and Maryse. Daffney stared off into the distance while Maryse removed her sunglasses and a ridiculously cool sort of way. The next word's from her mouth were not overly cliche but amazing and intended to get the audience's blood pumping.*
Maryse: Let the bodies hit the floor.
*A large pink font emerged that read 'COMING THIS WINTER' followed by more explosions and Daffney and Maryse standing amongst a cheering crowd full of city goers. The executive was, of course, blown away.*
Executive: That..was..amazing! Surely the greatest thing I've ever seen in my life! A no-talent like Maria Kanellis could never pull that off! I want to sign you two up right now! YOU'RE GOING TO BE HUGE!
Maryse: We're looking forward to working with you and becoming millionaires!
Daffney: This calls for a celebration..
*Daffney reached under the table and pulled out a solid black cat. She placed the feline onto the surface of the table and then pulled out a black cauldron. Smoke arose from it as Daffney lifted the cat high above her head.*
Daffney: Satan is my master. I present this offering to him. Thank you, Dark Lord. I give you this wretched feline soul as payment.
Executive: What are you DOING?! Sacrificing that cat to SATAN?! Out of my office! Out! This deal is OVER!
Maryse: No! My stardom!
*The rippling effect appeared again and we resumed the scene with Maryse and Daffney standing in the studio hallway.*
Maryse: And that's exactly how it happened.
Daffney: First off..I've never done a donut commercial in my life. Secondly, I definitely did not sacrifice a cat. And finally, you remember lies. It was exactly like this..
*The ripple effect appeared once more and we were taken to Daffney's recollection of the ordeal. They were in a board room but in this one the walls were painted red. The floor was checkered red and black and the business man they spoke to smoked a cigarette which he ashed out into a human skull. He was wearing a black pinstriped suit and he had long dark hair and guyliner. Sort of resembling Johnny Depp. He stroked his rugged but handsome beard as he sat across from Maryse and Daffney.*
Executive: Hm. Professional wrestlers you say? Looking to make it big in Hollwood?
Daffney: Correct. But our talents are too vast to just be limited to one medium.
*Daffney gave her hair a flip and the talent agent looked instantly intrigued.*
Executive: We occasionally look into professional wrestling for future stars. Some of my employee's feel as though a look like Maria Kanellis would do well. Do you know her?
Daffney: Unfortunately, we do. And unless you want your next project to go straight to the bargian bins..I would strongly reconsider. You won't sell many copies with a face like that on a poster.
Executive: Hm.
*The sharply dressed man took a slow drag from his cigarette.*
Executive: I've never seen the big deal about her myself. Marginal looks and zero brains is not a winning combination. Wouldn't you agree?
Daffney: I would.
*The two chuckled darkly to one another.*
Daffney: But enough pleasantries. We are here because we would like to pitch a movie to you. We would be the stars.
Executive: What would be your experience outside of professional wrestling?
Daffney: Maryse has VAST experience in the adult film industry. She's collected quite a few inappropriate nicknames that you might be familiar with. Not to mention diseases. But I have something on a much grander scale that I've been working on..
*Daffney lifted her own black remote and it fed a monitor hanging overhead a trailer. A pair of zombies confessed their love for each other in a very arty sort of clip. Trancy, goth tinged techno began to play. Newspaper headlines splashed onto the screen that detailed man kind's aversion to such a romance. As the pair of lovers were chased into a church on a rainy night by a mob of angry people, a savior appeared Two savior's. Maryse and Daffney, carrying a gun and katana, respectively.*
Daffney: Love conquers all, mother bitches.
*Screams were heard and blood trickled onto the screen while a creepy font popped up that displayed: "DAFFNEY AND MARYSE IN AN UNTITLED FILM. The executive could barely contain his excitement.*
Executive: Amazing. I've never seen anything like it. The world must see this. Maria could never carry something so unique and artistic. The world must-Maryse! What are you doing?!
*Maryse had crawled underneath of the table and she had begun to unzip the man's pants.*
Maryse: Shut up and take it, asshole! I'm going to change your mind right now!
Executive: I was going to finance the movie! Daffney! Your friend is nothing more than a high class prostitute! Out of my office! Now! Now!
*The last ripple effect covered the screen and the pair were once again found in the studio's lobby.*
Daffney: And that's exactly how it happened.
Maryse: Oh yeah, RIGHT! Like I would do that in THIS outfit! And the room didn't look like it Wes Craven's wet dream you brain dead goth!
*The duo stepped face to face with one another and growled while gritting their teeth.*
Maryse and Daffney: YOU GOD DAMN WASTE OF SPACE WHORE! WHO THE HELL ARE YOU CALLING A WHORE?! I AM SO OVER YOU! QUIT COPYING ME!
*Todd Grisham stepped into the scene from behind as the team continued to glare at one another.*
Maryse: I would rather spend all day with this geek then one second with you!
Todd Grisham: W-What? You would?
Daffney: Have fun with that! Try not to have sex with the entire parking lot before you get to the car!
*Daffney stomped off while Todd still had a flustered expression on his face.*
Todd Grisham: M-Maryse? Did you really mean that? I mean..about wanting to spend the whole day with me?
*Maryse turned to Todd and glared deeply at him.*
Maryse: Who the hell are you, nerd?
Todd Grisham: I'm..Todd Grisham. I'm an EBWF announcer.
Maryse: Are you stalking me, you creeper?!
Todd Grisham: No! I'm just here to get an interview with you about your match with Maria!
Maryse: Uh, that sounds like stalking to me!
Todd Grisham: N-Neither of you showed up for your scheduled interview time!
Maryse: Because we're here trying to get out of this stupid company! I'm a QUEEN. I shouldn't have to wrestle some ho bagging bimbo like Maria!
Todd Grisham: But why would you want to leave this company? You've got a Women's Title match lined up for Summer Slam!
Maryse: Because I won that damn tournament and I didn't even get to go down to ring and sit on a big ass fancy throne! I didn't even get a crown! This body and this face can't get on television but that gutter beast Maria hogs up all my air time? CLEARLY I am not appreciated here!
Todd Grisham: But Maria has been having some amazing matches with Layla in the past few weeks.
Maryse: Did she ever win Layla's title?
Todd Grisham: Well, no..
Maryse: Then she is just a really good loser, isn't she? Let's throw her a big party! Kind of like the party I never got for winning the Queen Of The Ring!
Todd Grisham: Sounds as though you're planning to take your frustrations out on her this week.
Maryse: Gee, Todd, you catch on really quick! Sounds like you've heard a lot of generic wrestler spiel! But I am going to smack that hooker around and I'm going to make it look easy. Do you need anything else or do you need a lock of my hair to complete your collection?
Todd Grisham: N-No. Thanks for the time.
Maryse: Daffney! Don't you dare leave me alone with this huge virgin!
*Maryse pushed Todd aside and stormed her way outside.*
Mayrse: I really hope you're happy. You screwed that up royally. Dick move, Daffney. Dick. Move.
*Daffney was dressed in similarly ritzy fashion. She was wearing a long, black draping dress with grey stitching designs across it. She wore elbow length gloves as well in black as well. A small top hat with a violet colored flower rested on the side of her head. She also still wore her spooky pale make up.*
Daffney: Me? I screwed it up? You screwed that up. Just like you screw anything with a pulse.
Maryse: I am a Queen. I couldn't have possibly sabotaged anything.
Daffney: ..Blow job Queen.
Maryse: Queen of the RING, bitch! And instead of getting to star in a huge summer smash I'm still going to have to wrestle that red headed skank Maria.
Daffney: And she's never done anything but diddle CM Punk. And she apparently wasn't even good at that. So cry me a river and then go drown in it.
Maryse: That isn't the point! I KNOW I'll win if I wrestle her. I'm not adding 'loss to a firecrotch airhead' to my resume. It's the point that I HAVE to wrestle her instead going off to Hollywood! Did I mention that you completely botched this? Because you did.
Daffney: How was that possibly my fault?
Maryse: I remember it vividly..
*A rippling effect took over the camera in the standard way most sitcoms do when they present a flash back. The effect faded away and Daffney and Maryse were showing sitting in a very large, posh board room with leather chairs. Across from theme was a dashing man in a white suit with a red tie. He had short, choppy blond hair, very stylish with piercing blue eyes. His hands were folded at a table he sat at across from the two diva's. His smile was pleasant and warm.*
Executive: So I understand that you two are professional wrestlers, correct?
Maryse: That is our main profession but we're so much more than that.
*Maryse grinned flirtatiously and the man returned the look.*
Executive: Your contracts with your employer are fairly lucrative. Why would you want to get out of them?
Maryse: They aren't using us correctly. We could be huge, multi-media stars. But they would rather waste valuable television time on people like Maria Kanellis.
Executive: Hm. Maria Kanellis.
*The executive stroked his powerful jaw*
Executive: I don't believe she would make it in Hollywood. Limited IQ. And she is also a filthy soulless ginger. We've got enough of those as it is.
Maryse: I couldn't agree more. Women like her should be eradicated from this planet.
Executive: Ah ha ha! Great minds like alike! Ah ha ha!
Maryse: Ah ha ha!
*The two shared in a bit of hearty laughter before Maryse slammed one of her fists onto the table.*
Maryse: But we aren't here to talk about disease infested tramps. We're here because we want to pitch a movie to you. A movie about us.
Executive: Really now? Do you have any television experience outside of wrestling?
Maryse: Well..
*The French-Canadian flashed a devilish smile.*
Maryse: Daffney does have a commercial..
*Maryse lifted a small black controller with a single red button on it. After pressing the shiny, red button, a monitor behind the trio came to life with footage. It revealed Daffney standing behind a colorful and striped backdrop. Hanging above her was a flashing sign that read "DAFFNEY DONUT". The "o's" in the word's were made to look like enormous donuts. The gothic female was wearing a strange, donut inspired dress. There were also two chimps on either side of her. All three performed an odd little dance, completely in unison with one another, before Daffney struck a pose.*
Daffney: Glaze my donut! Try my donut! Eat my donut!
*Daffney sunk low in her chair after watching the footage and tried to cover her face with her small top hat.*
Executive: Interesting. But not exactly what we're looking for here.
Maryse: Then how about something like this?
*After another press of the button from her fancy, schamny remote, a much different visual appeared on the large screen. A dark night's sky over a run down city. Dub step music played. A jet hanging over head and screams of civilians were heard. A frightened pack of people ran from a large, ancient monster. A mummy with a single glowing eye. A pair of motorcycles collided with the beast and sent it flying. The black harley's were being ridden by Daffney and Maryse. Daffney stared off into the distance while Maryse removed her sunglasses and a ridiculously cool sort of way. The next word's from her mouth were not overly cliche but amazing and intended to get the audience's blood pumping.*
Maryse: Let the bodies hit the floor.
*A large pink font emerged that read 'COMING THIS WINTER' followed by more explosions and Daffney and Maryse standing amongst a cheering crowd full of city goers. The executive was, of course, blown away.*
Executive: That..was..amazing! Surely the greatest thing I've ever seen in my life! A no-talent like Maria Kanellis could never pull that off! I want to sign you two up right now! YOU'RE GOING TO BE HUGE!
Maryse: We're looking forward to working with you and becoming millionaires!
Daffney: This calls for a celebration..
*Daffney reached under the table and pulled out a solid black cat. She placed the feline onto the surface of the table and then pulled out a black cauldron. Smoke arose from it as Daffney lifted the cat high above her head.*
Daffney: Satan is my master. I present this offering to him. Thank you, Dark Lord. I give you this wretched feline soul as payment.
Executive: What are you DOING?! Sacrificing that cat to SATAN?! Out of my office! Out! This deal is OVER!
Maryse: No! My stardom!
*The rippling effect appeared again and we resumed the scene with Maryse and Daffney standing in the studio hallway.*
Maryse: And that's exactly how it happened.
Daffney: First off..I've never done a donut commercial in my life. Secondly, I definitely did not sacrifice a cat. And finally, you remember lies. It was exactly like this..
*The ripple effect appeared once more and we were taken to Daffney's recollection of the ordeal. They were in a board room but in this one the walls were painted red. The floor was checkered red and black and the business man they spoke to smoked a cigarette which he ashed out into a human skull. He was wearing a black pinstriped suit and he had long dark hair and guyliner. Sort of resembling Johnny Depp. He stroked his rugged but handsome beard as he sat across from Maryse and Daffney.*
Executive: Hm. Professional wrestlers you say? Looking to make it big in Hollwood?
Daffney: Correct. But our talents are too vast to just be limited to one medium.
*Daffney gave her hair a flip and the talent agent looked instantly intrigued.*
Executive: We occasionally look into professional wrestling for future stars. Some of my employee's feel as though a look like Maria Kanellis would do well. Do you know her?
Daffney: Unfortunately, we do. And unless you want your next project to go straight to the bargian bins..I would strongly reconsider. You won't sell many copies with a face like that on a poster.
Executive: Hm.
*The sharply dressed man took a slow drag from his cigarette.*
Executive: I've never seen the big deal about her myself. Marginal looks and zero brains is not a winning combination. Wouldn't you agree?
Daffney: I would.
*The two chuckled darkly to one another.*
Daffney: But enough pleasantries. We are here because we would like to pitch a movie to you. We would be the stars.
Executive: What would be your experience outside of professional wrestling?
Daffney: Maryse has VAST experience in the adult film industry. She's collected quite a few inappropriate nicknames that you might be familiar with. Not to mention diseases. But I have something on a much grander scale that I've been working on..
*Daffney lifted her own black remote and it fed a monitor hanging overhead a trailer. A pair of zombies confessed their love for each other in a very arty sort of clip. Trancy, goth tinged techno began to play. Newspaper headlines splashed onto the screen that detailed man kind's aversion to such a romance. As the pair of lovers were chased into a church on a rainy night by a mob of angry people, a savior appeared Two savior's. Maryse and Daffney, carrying a gun and katana, respectively.*
Daffney: Love conquers all, mother bitches.
*Screams were heard and blood trickled onto the screen while a creepy font popped up that displayed: "DAFFNEY AND MARYSE IN AN UNTITLED FILM. The executive could barely contain his excitement.*
Executive: Amazing. I've never seen anything like it. The world must see this. Maria could never carry something so unique and artistic. The world must-Maryse! What are you doing?!
*Maryse had crawled underneath of the table and she had begun to unzip the man's pants.*
Maryse: Shut up and take it, asshole! I'm going to change your mind right now!
Executive: I was going to finance the movie! Daffney! Your friend is nothing more than a high class prostitute! Out of my office! Now! Now!
*The last ripple effect covered the screen and the pair were once again found in the studio's lobby.*
Daffney: And that's exactly how it happened.
Maryse: Oh yeah, RIGHT! Like I would do that in THIS outfit! And the room didn't look like it Wes Craven's wet dream you brain dead goth!
*The duo stepped face to face with one another and growled while gritting their teeth.*
Maryse and Daffney: YOU GOD DAMN WASTE OF SPACE WHORE! WHO THE HELL ARE YOU CALLING A WHORE?! I AM SO OVER YOU! QUIT COPYING ME!
*Todd Grisham stepped into the scene from behind as the team continued to glare at one another.*
Maryse: I would rather spend all day with this geek then one second with you!
Todd Grisham: W-What? You would?
Daffney: Have fun with that! Try not to have sex with the entire parking lot before you get to the car!
*Daffney stomped off while Todd still had a flustered expression on his face.*
Todd Grisham: M-Maryse? Did you really mean that? I mean..about wanting to spend the whole day with me?
*Maryse turned to Todd and glared deeply at him.*
Maryse: Who the hell are you, nerd?
Todd Grisham: I'm..Todd Grisham. I'm an EBWF announcer.
Maryse: Are you stalking me, you creeper?!
Todd Grisham: No! I'm just here to get an interview with you about your match with Maria!
Maryse: Uh, that sounds like stalking to me!
Todd Grisham: N-Neither of you showed up for your scheduled interview time!
Maryse: Because we're here trying to get out of this stupid company! I'm a QUEEN. I shouldn't have to wrestle some ho bagging bimbo like Maria!
Todd Grisham: But why would you want to leave this company? You've got a Women's Title match lined up for Summer Slam!
Maryse: Because I won that damn tournament and I didn't even get to go down to ring and sit on a big ass fancy throne! I didn't even get a crown! This body and this face can't get on television but that gutter beast Maria hogs up all my air time? CLEARLY I am not appreciated here!
Todd Grisham: But Maria has been having some amazing matches with Layla in the past few weeks.
Maryse: Did she ever win Layla's title?
Todd Grisham: Well, no..
Maryse: Then she is just a really good loser, isn't she? Let's throw her a big party! Kind of like the party I never got for winning the Queen Of The Ring!
Todd Grisham: Sounds as though you're planning to take your frustrations out on her this week.
Maryse: Gee, Todd, you catch on really quick! Sounds like you've heard a lot of generic wrestler spiel! But I am going to smack that hooker around and I'm going to make it look easy. Do you need anything else or do you need a lock of my hair to complete your collection?
Todd Grisham: N-No. Thanks for the time.
Maryse: Daffney! Don't you dare leave me alone with this huge virgin!
*Maryse pushed Todd aside and stormed her way outside.*