Once upon a time there was a fatal four way
Posted: Mon May 09, 2016 3:32 am
OOC - So tried to do something different this week and was a billion times harder to get own from my head to actual writing! But you get the idea!! Good luck everyone in your matches this week!
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The EBWF Superstars all took pride in the happiness their stardom could bring to others. One of the lesser known acts they carried out was the “EBWF Tales For Tiddlers” scheme. Whereby when on the road they would visit various schools and read to the children. Today was no different, at the Truman Elementary School in Missouri excitement filled the air as an auditorium of youngsters awaited the arrival of Chris Jericho. A female teacher stood in front of them trying to calm them down. Her hair was starting to fall messily in front of her face as the stress of trying to control the pupils was taking its toll.-----------
Teacher - SETTLE DOWN CHILDREN! We’re expecting Chris Jericho to arrive any time soon…..
With that the doors burst open to wild whooping and cheering, which abruptly stopped when it became clear it was not Chris Jericho but in fact former Breakout Champion Tyler Breeze.
Tyler Breeze - Hey kids! Keep calm the Sultan of the Selfie has arrived to offer your ears some pleasure.
The teacher looked horrified at Breeze who gave her a cheeky wink. Clearly he was expecting a humorous response.
Tyler Breeze - Hmmmm, well hand me the book, I’ve not got all day, selfies don’t take themselves.
Breeze held out one hand while running the fingers on his other hand through his hair. He stared out at the bemused and disappointed children as a book was placed in his hand. As soon as it graced his palm he began to walk up and down addressing the room confidently.
Tyler Breeze - Now it’s my duty as a bonafide EBWF main event star to give something back to the people. Allow you to see me in a different light, not clad in my awesome wrestler attire. But like I am here, in a handmade suit which costs more to make than your teacher here earns in a year. All of this so I can turn round and read to you…
He glanced for the first time to the book he had been handed.
Tyler Breeze - The Cat in the Hat? Are you kidding me? I’m not reading this tripe.
With a toss of his hand the book was sent flying across the room smacking into the arm of the teacher who had given it to him. She looked at him, speechless, but Breeze had not even noticed where it had gone.
Tyler Breeze - No what I’m going to tell you is a story about a Prince and his quest for perfection. Once upon a time there was a young man called Prince Pretty, who owed a magic hand held mirror that could answer any question he asked. Sort of like a medieval version of Siri. Everyday he would ask the same question,
‘Mirror mirror in my hand who is the prettiest in the land?’
And every time the answer was the same,
‘Yo Prince Pretty you know it’s true, ain’t no one here better looking than you.’ And every day the answer never changed, so one day Prince Pretty decided a different approach.
Breeze still pacing paused a moment to build the dramatic effect.
Tyler Breeze - ‘Mirror mirror in my hand when it comes to best looking I’m the only selection, but is there any way I can improve on my perfection?’
The all knowing magic mirror responded straight away.
‘Yo Prince Pretty you’re as gorgeous as can be, but gold around the midriff would improve thee. There is an old Dragon called Bully Ray, he has a spare jewel come now and I’ll show you the way. BUT to claim it as yours there will be challengers three, but with me in your hand I’ll help you defeat them for free!’
So Prince Pretty left with his mirror in hand to search out the one thing that could make him even more perfect than he already was. He travelled for hours till eventually he came across his first foe, immediately his mirror sprung into life.
‘Yo Prince Pretty it’s Enzo the Fool, he’s the village idiot and that’s the bottom line, to beat him just answer his simple riddle and you’ll be fine.’
So walking towards Prince Pretty was the stupidest looking person you’ve ever seen. With hair that has got 0 likes on Instagram written all over it and was clearly a hashtag uggo. He stumbled towards our Prince aggressively muttering the same thing over and over.
‘How you doin’? How you doin’? How you doin’?’
With each ask he seemed to get more angry, and just as he was about to attack Prince Pretty spoke.
‘I’m ok.’
Immediately Enzo the Fool calmed down.
‘Oh that’s fine, you can carry on.’
‘Yo Prince Pretty you smell what I’m cookin’, with chumps like Enzo around it’s no surprise you're best lookin’.’
Breeze carried on walking around, the children surprisingly a bit more engrossed in what he was saying.
Tyler Breeze - So Prince Pretty moved on, excited by how easy his first opponent was until he came across the most foul smelling, rotten pig he had ever seen. Massively fat it could barely move. As soon as it spotted him it charged towards him at the slowest pace ever He was SO big it’s stomach dragged on the floor. Once again the magic mirror gave his words of advice.
‘Yo Prince Pretty it’s Owens the Pig! Eat your vitamins and say your prayers, he’s a simple animal and when he is eating is the only time that he cares.’
The charging boar came closer and closer to our hero who looked like he was done for, until he realised he had an apple in his back pocket and tossed it to him. Owens the Pig’s eyes lit up like a Christmas tree and he hungrily munched the juicy red fruit allowing Prince Pretty to beautifully walk past him. Only one more left now and in the distance he could be seen. A man, older than the moon sitting on a chair outside Dragon Bully Ray’s cave.
‘Yo Prince Pretty it’s the last person in the way, Old Man Ziggler. Can you dig it sucker he’s older than time, sneak past him with ease and you’ll be just fine.’
So our hero strode on getting nearer and nearer until it became clear that it was mid afternoon and being the tired old man that he is Old Man Ziggler was fast asleep in his chair. So once again, with no effort he breezed past another of the challengers and made his way into the Dragon’s cave. Once inside he saw the most beautiful jewels.
‘Yo Prince Pretty we know that you perfect, about that there ain’t no question, but strap them around your waist per my suggestion. You dreamed of improving your looks in days of yore, and along the way you’ve proven your the best of the fatal four.’
So Prince Pretty took the jewels and didn’t even see Dragon Bully Ray, because quite frankly he is unimportant in this entire story. THE END. You see the moral is never stop striving to improve how good you look, even if it means showing up three other pathetic people.
Breeze stopped as if waiting for a round of applause, but one child put his hand in the air and Tyler nodded at him to speak.
Child - That was the worst story I’ve ever heard!! Why didn’t we see the Dragon? Why did a mirror talk about vitamins? Who are you? When is Chris Jericho coming here….
Tyler Breeze - What? That story had everything, it’s ten times better than what your uggo teacher wanted me to read! Oh and by the way Chris Jericho isn’t coming, he had a schedule conflict so you got me instead! A vast improvement I’m sure you’ll agree.
Quickly turning on their inadequate replacement all of the children loudly booed and jeered Breeze as he was rushed out of the room by the incredulous teacher following his display.