"Wait a minute! He didn’t pay! He ripped us off! ARGHHH MOTHER F---"
Static, followed by a grainy screen which slowly transitioned into the image of a parking lot. An 18 -wheeler wagon with the faces f many familiar faces to the EBWF rested inside the Target Center, presumably where most ot the props and the EBWF tron were transported through the country. The camera shifted to the side as a thunderous roar from a car engine could be heard approaching from the ramp. Tires screeching were heard next… A cloud of black smog filled the parking lot. The smoke fumed towards the ceilling and the silhouette of a Volkswagen new Beetle could be made out through the cloud of smog… The car probably used to be white back in the mid 1900s where it was manufactured, yellowed and worn down from the years of use and abuse… Two people were on board. A man in the driver’s seat with white leather gloves holding the steering wheel and even a Limousine driver’s cap, The backseat had all sorts of bags, it was kind of difficult to make out who was seating in the back.
Driver: Sir, we have arrived!
A voice came from the pile of luggage.
???: Awesome! Open the door for me!
Driver: Hang on a second sir, allow me to turn this monstrousity off and--
???: Now! Now! Now! I haven’t wrestled in a year and I need to blow some steam off!
The seat of the driver began being smacked by the man in the back, over and over again… The man on the back seemed to be kicking the crap out of that seat... Picking a coupe car wasn't probably the wisest thing to do.
Driver: Sir, if you allow me a moment, I need you to be patient an-
A thud was heard as the seat of the driver came forward, making the man bump his forehead against the steering wheel and collapsed onto the dashboard.
???: You okay?
There was no response.
???: Hey You! you, Camera guy!
The camera focused on the backseat of the car.
???: I know I’m supposed to pretend you’re not here, but I’m trapped… Can you get me outta here?
The camera nodded, steps were heard as the camera approached the driver’s seat. The man holding the camera placed it on the floor, by the car’s front tire, he pulled out the driver who fell right before the camera lens.
???:That’s gonna hurt in the morning. Hey, why don’t you carry my stuff to my locker room?
Cameraman: B-but I’m just the camera guy.
???: You’ll always be just the camera guy with that attitude. Pull everything out, it’s only five bags. I’m feeling generous, so I’ll help you with your camera. Dip it here.
Our hero grabbed a hold of the camera and focused on the former camera guy, who was pulling the bags out one by one. As he reached in for a bag, the sound of barking could be heard coming from the backseat.
???:Be careful with Cerberus.
Cameraman: OUCH!
???: he bites.
The cameraman scoffed as he pulled out a white and moccha Shih Tzu pup. He seemed to be having quite a hard time carrying all of the bags.
???: Isn’t he the most lovely and deadly thing ever? Let’s move! On to my locker room!
The camera began moving through the parking lot and eventually into the backstage area.
???: Yes Cerberus, you’re going to love it here! I heard Catering is quite good… I heard Brock Lesnar gained 20 pounds from just eating here... I doubt daddy will ever be able to eat there because, you know… I’m bound to be the Second Coming of Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson and all that…
Cerberus barked a couple of times.
???: What do you mean he hasn’t done shit in this place? Who’s the biggest dog here? How dumb of me, you’re the biggest, meanest bastard ever to walk on four legs around these parts!
Renee Young: Excuse me, Chuck?
The camera abruptly shifted towards the stunning Renee Young, probably making viewers feel even more dizzy in the process. Chuck took a shameless shot from the tips of her white heels, all the way up her head, the EBWF interviewer was clad in a white sundress, her platinum locks of hair cascaded right above her collar bones. Chuck then zoomed in onto her cleavage.
Renee Young: Chuck?
Chuck Taylor: ERR, I’M LOOKING AT YOUR FACE!
Startled, he dropped the camera to the floor. He turned towards the cameraman. The camera was pointing at Renee’s feet, but Chuck’s voice could still be heard.
Chuck Taylor: See what happens when you don’t do your work? Thank God Lance Storm isn’t here to superkick you! I’d tell you to pick it up, but you’d probably complain about how you’re already carrying my stuff… It’s so hard to get good helpers these days… Hey You!
A voice could be heard replying to Chuck.
Guy: Me?
Chuck Taylor:Yes, you! Take the camera and record as I give my first ever EBWF Interview.
Guy: I don’t work here.
Chuck Taylor: Then what the hell are you doing here?
Guy: Chris Jericho was kind enough to grant me a wish from the Make-A-Wish foundation!
Chuck Taylor: Well now I am going to grant you another wish, pick up that camera!
Guy: I don’t wo…
Chuck Taylor: Unless you want me to put you first in the list for Chuck Taylor’s “Make a DeathWish Foundation”?
The camera was then picked up, the lens surprisingly intact after a couple of rough falls… For the first time ever the EBWF universe took a clear shot of Chuck Taylor. He was wearing Kahki nicely pressed pants, white shoes, a kahki vest with a white button up shirt underneath, the Kentucky Gentleman sported a golden Bolo tie under the collar of his shirt. He smiled into the camera, rather awkwardly and inappropriately as he combed his bowlcut mahogany hair with his hand. Renee seemed puzzled by everything that was going on… Chuck elbowed her on the ribs slightly. He whispered, loud enough for the camera to pick it up.
Chuck Taylor: Pst… This is the part where you ask...
Renee Young: Wow… Where do I begin.
Chuck Taylor: Just ask the first question that pops into your mind! I’m single, so think of something else.
Renee Young: I… I think our viewers at home might be wondering Who is Chuck Taylor.
Chuck Taylor: I’m sure fans at home are thinking Chuck Taylor is a pair of shoes. Well, you are most certainly CORRECT! However, Chuck Taylor is also the answer to many questions! For example, who will dethrone Wes Ikeda as hunk of the year? Chuck Taylor. C’mon Wes, it’s 2016… No one says ‘hottie’ anymore! Who will beat Chris Jericho for the World Title? Chuck Taylor! Who is going to take Renee Young to dinner tonight? Chuck Taylor. Who is going to win the presidential elections? Chuck Taylor… I could go on and on… But I think I have made my point clear! Renee, EBWF Universe err people? Inhabitants of the EBWF Universe? Did I say it right?
Chuck pointed at the camera.
Chuck Taylor: YOU! Whatever your name is… When in doubt, the answer is Chuck Taylor. For multiple choice exams, the answer is C. C as in Chuck! Next question?
Renee Young: Well, you certainly made a name for yourself in the so called “independent scene”, do you think any of that experience will prove useful here in the EBWF? We've seen people like Delirious, Daizee Haze, Matt Sydal and many others make a name for themselves here...
Chuck Taylor: Hell yeah… Chuck Taylor is such a household name from the Indy scene… So big they named a shoe after me, don’t let them tell you otherwise! The artist formerly known as Stewie Scrivens, Bugg Nevans, Rick Beanbag, Scoot Tatum and of course… Chuck Taylor. I’ve had matches all over the globe and now I am ready to bring my A game to the EBW… I am ready for ANYTHING and anyone they throw at me… I have witty comebacks and dog poopie filled shoe soles to put on their faces! I am strong, I am fast, I am a total hunk, I am the total package, I haven’t had any complains on my package either!
Renee Young: Well I’m sure the EBWF universe and everyone around has already witnessed your… Contagious enthusiasm and… Well, your personality!
Chuck Taylor: Are you calling me a weirdo?
Renee Young: Er…
Chuck Taylor: Are we still having dinner tonight?
Renee Young: How about I ask you the next question? Chuck, you have arrived just in time for the King of the Ring tournament!
Chuck Taylor: That’s right! I’m winning that! And The Superbowl, too. As I said, anything you throw at me, any challenge, any match… I’m ready to be the rain in everyone’s parade during this tournament!
Renee Young: Do you think your enthusiasm could be what gives you the upper hand when you face Shinsuke Nakamura on the first round?
Chuck Taylor: Of course, piece of ca… SAY WHAT?!?!?!?!?! Did you just say… Shinsuke Nakamura?
Renee Young: Yes, he’s going to be your opponent.
Chuck Taylor: Opponent? You certainly meant Executioner, didn’t you?
Renee Young: Well, he has been impressive for the past month… Pinning both AJ Styles and CM Punk!
Chuck Taylor:HAH! Do you think my biggest concern is for him to pin me? I will be lucky if I get myself counted out before he lays hand of me… Renee, I don’t think you are getting the full picture here.
Renee Young: As I said, he’s been really causing a lot of fuss…
Chuck Taylor: A lot of fuss? Kanye West is causing a lot of fuss…The Captain America movie is causing a lot of fuss... Nakamura? He’s so hot right now! The King of Strong Style! The hardest hitting man ever to come from the land of the rising sun! This guy can give Brock Lesnar a run for his money! He loves beating people up clinically, sistematically, he gets paid to do it and does it WITH STYLE! Renee, we are talking Shinsuke Nakamura! I will be lucky if I walk out of that ring with my head still attached to my neck after our match! He’s basically the japanese Shawn Michaels and my God… HAVE YOU SEEN THE WAY HE DRESSES? HAVE YOU SEEN THE WAY HE WINKS? HIS GESTURES? If I ever tried to do any of that, I’d probably look like I’ve been sucking on a rotten lime. Nakamura is just… Breathtaking… Everything about Shinsuke Nakamura makes me want to go out to that ring and… Lay down to let him have his way with me.
Chuck saw Renee’s facial expression and proceeded to correct his statement.
Chuck Taylor: I obviously meant wrestling-wise, Renee. Can you double check? Am I really facing Shinsuke Nakamura?
Renee Young: I’m sure.
Chuck Taylor:Can you triple check? Boy! I hope I brought my autograph book!
Renee Young: Chuck Taylor vs. Shinsuke Nakamura - King of the ring Tournament.
Chuck Taylor: This is Bullshit Renee! Trent used to tell me this tournament was rigged but I didn’t believe they’d make it so obvious! I haven’t even unpacked my bags and you want me to go against a legend of Wrestling! But you know what? Screw King of the Ring, if I beat Shinsuke Nakamure I will be the NEW King of Strong Style! To me, this IS the King of the Ring final! I am facing a King, a legend, a massive superstar and sexy, sexy, SEXY man!
There was a moment of silence to process what he just said.
Chuck Taylor: Chuckie the Kentucky King of Strong Style… Woah. Come to think of it, why is Shinsuke in this tournament? Isn’t he already king? That means king Lawler, King Booker, King Billy, Don King and Shinsuke Nakamura would be inelegible to compete… Curse my good looks and bad luck! Why couldn’t I get Don King instead of Nakamura?
Renee didn’t know how to respond… The awkward look she threw towards Chuck was the biggest evidence of that.
Renee Young: Well, now that you have come to terms with the fact that you’ll be facing Shins…
Chuck Taylor: NO! I have NOT come to terms with that, I’m still shocked, worried, and surprisingly aroused, but please continue.
Renee Young: Well, you’ve made clear that you have certain admiration for him… But I’m sure many of the people in EBWF don’t know much about Chuck Taylor and certainly wouldn’t know what to expect from your performance… Would you like to tell the EBWF Universe what they can expect from you?
Chuck Taylor: I can tell you what not to expect from me Renee… I never lend money and I never drink stuff with straws… Did you know that straws kill Dolphins? Dolphins do absolutely no harm to anyone… So, next time think twice before sucking through a straw, unless you want blood on your lips. Now, what can you expect from me? Well, you’re looking at the guy who can hold up his own against guys like Daniel Bryan, Johnny Gargano,Jimmy Jacobs, Ricochet, Austin Aries… Sometimes even inside the ring, and someto,es during wrestling matches! The fact I am facing a future King of the Ring, Hottie of the year and World Champion does not change that! I am going to bring my best out there! And if he makes me cry I am going to SHRIEK in the center of that ring... Shriek and call for my mommy, because that's what I do. The thing is, a match against me is like going blindfolded to a theme park... Will you get the nastiest, scariest roller coaster in the park? Would you end up queueing for three hours on a line? Would you get food poisoning and leave early? ... I am unpredictable. I am smooth… Would you like to witness that smoothness, Renee?
Guy: Sheesh, this dork is unbearable.
Chuck turned his attention to the camera.
Chuck Taylor: You’re still here?
Guy: You told me to…
Chuck Taylor: Did I tell you to interrupt me while I was chatting up Renee Young? Ugh. You know what? This interview is over. You!
He pointed at the cameraman who was still carrying his stuff.
Chuck Taylor: To my locker room. And you…
He pointed at Renee Young.
Chuck Taylor:I’ll pick you up at 8PM.
Chuck Taylor winked at the camera and threw his arms up in the air in a poor attempt to mimic the iconic Shinsuke Nakamura’s gesture before he turned around and walked away. His strut was full of confidence, as if he believed somewhere deep down inside he could be able to defeat the great Shinsuke Nakamura... And if he didn't he'd still have free food, a new job and a selfie with Shinsuke. Hopefully Chuck is going to be able to keep his teeth in perfect place for said selfie.
Until next time!
OOC: Had a blast writing this piece! Good Luck Derek!
