Reigns?.... Reigns?.... Reigns?....

[D.J]

In perhaps the most famous "competitive" tournament that there is on planet earth, NCAA March Madness- the crowning achievement that people usually set out for- is the opportunity to play in the "Final Four." Reaching the Final Four- is an achievement that few college basketball teams will ever realize, which is what makes it all the more special for the programs that do. The EBWF has it's own madness- 12 months out of the year- but in particular when it's "tourney time" in May and June. This King of the Ring tournament culminates at the King of the Ring Pay Per View- where EBWF will have it's own final four. Four men that are able to win a series of matches on their way to becoming the "King." As is the case with the basketball event in March- there are few things more painful than reaching that final 8, with the Final 4 in sight, only to fall a step before the big dance. That is precisely what will happen on Warfare to either Roman Reigns or The Miz. Both men would certainly be confident moving into this match after earning convincing wins in their opening 2 rounds of the tournament. Reigns was more a newcomer to the EBWF while Miz has been a mainstay over the past 6 years. Despite that, Roman Reigns was a threat. A strong, powerful superstar that with Paul Heyman in toe was certainly being discussed as a favorite to win this tournament. However, whenever The Miz was asked who his favorite was.. with regards to.. well anything.. the answer would surely not surprise anyone..

The scene opened up in a large open auditorium. There was about 200 seats in the room, with a little over half of them filled. A small wooden stage headed the room with about a 5 foot incline from the chairs below. There was light murmurs of conversation taking place, and a large white projector screen that hung down, at the time there was nothing showing on the screen. The lights were dim, but it was not pitch black and the scene could be seen clearly. The camera quickly panned to an outdoor setting, as walking toward a brick building were two familiar EBWF faces. Alex Riley, who wore a black with white swoosh, Nike hooded sweatshirt and gray jeans, and the former 2 time EBWF World Champion, The Miz- who wore his new black with baby blue lettering "If you're reading this- I'm Better Than You" T-Shirt, and light blue jeans. Both men had their hair significantly gelled and quite honestly looked like a million bucks. As was usually the case with them- they were mid conversation as they approached the building.

Alex Riley: So explain to me again why we are doing this today?

The Miz looked troubled by this request.

The Miz: First of all A-Ri- you work for me- so if I tell you we are going to a dog shit smelling appreciation group seminar- we are freaking going. I don't need to explain anything to you.. except how to be a better wingman- or what happened on the episode of New Girl that you missed. Other than that- just nod your head- and follow.

Alex Riley nodded his head... and followed.. as The Miz walked in silence for several steps alongside his sidekick.

The Miz: Well done. Now I will explain to you why we are here..

Alex Riley nodded his head.

The Miz: Why are you looking at me like that? You can talk..

Alex Riley: But I thought yo..

The Miz: We are here today..because I'm an intellectual A- Ri.. and since you're not.. I'll explain to you what that word means. It means I'm smart. It means that I know a lot about a lot. It also means I have a desire.. a THIRST.. for more knowledge about things I may not know. So in order to gain that knowledge- I attend seminars such as this one- to help me learn- so that I can have.. that's right you guessed it.. more knowledge. Now I know what you're thinking .. "Miz don't you know everything about everything."

Alex Riley: That is exactly what I was thinking.. you even know a lot about what I'm thinking.

The Miz smirked.

The Miz: Exactly- and the answer is simple to that question. Generally speaking.. yes. One thing that I don't know a lot about is not being able to communicate. When my mouth opens up- droves of fans hush in anticipation for the magic that is surely going to roll off of my tongue. They wait with baited breath to hear the eloquent banter that I use to belittle the many many opponents who have fallen to me over the last 6 years. In conversations outside of the ring.. someone talks to me.. I talk back.. they talk again.. and I respond.. give and take..

Alex Riley: That's defi..

The Miz: So not being able to communicate.. not being able to speak in a way that captivates whoever is around me.. or whoever is watching me.. is something that I know LITERALLY nothing about. Charisma.. and ingenuity oozes out of my pores A- Ri. So when I see someone that literally sounds like his brain is a disgruntled husband trying to watch TV while his wife- his mouth in this analogy- nags him.. well that's interesting to me.. that I want to learn more about- how that happens intrigues me. So that's why we are going to this seminar today. I want to know what has to happen- what issues have to exist for someone like Roman Reigns to be like he is. I mean some of Roman Reigns makes sense to me. He wants to be strong so he lifts weights.. he wants to look cool so he wears all black. He wants to cut down on his calories so he keeps Paul Heyman around to ask him "if he's gonna finish that" for every meal. All of that makes sense to me.. what doesn't make sense- is what the heck happens inside of his head.. when words start to leave his mouth. His mouth literally has no on deck circle and his brain has a dugout full of dull monotonous exclamations, that are RUNNING for the bat rack. He sounds as uncomfortable as a 10 year old boy asking a girl on a date.. as uncomfortable as Paul Heyman ordering a salad. He sounds like he literally is killing himself internally trying to find something.. anything.. that is going to entertain someone.. ANYone. For all the heavy breathing, and the scowling, and the long hair whipping.. lies far more empty mad lib games.. blank crossword puzzles and book marked Hooked on Phonics books for this guy. Now I get what people are probably thinking.. Warfare is not going to be a spelling bee.. it's not going to be a graduation commencement speech competition.. it's going to be a fight. Point taken.. but here's the bad news for Roman Reigns- Superman.. is fake.. it's not real.. it's story time. Him beating me with a punch named after a make believe hero.. is well.. make believe. He can give me the superman punch.. the wonder woman kick.. the green lattern elbow.. I could care less.. Roman Reigns beating me in a fight.. is something that people are really going to have to dig deep in their imagination to even picture it. So again I know that there isn't going to be much talking after the bell rings.. it's going to mostly just me flashing these this one million watt smile as I beat this guy at the only thing he can even remotely claim to be good at. Except him claiming to be good at fighting would sound like.. "I uhhh... I... fight... I fight... well..good.. I fight... I'm fighting for .. I will kick.. uhh.. I will fight... believe that."

Alex Riley: That could not have been more of a spot on impression of him.

The Miz smiled as the two were approaching the building. They stopped for Miz to continue his rant.

The Miz: So if you wade through all the confusing uninteresting drone like words that he spouts off.. I think the subtext of it would be that he prides himself on his ability to kick ass. He kicks ass- Paul Heyman's ass giggles with glee- and everybody is happy.. right? Wrong. Not this Monday Night- you see nothing is going to make me happier than once again seeing that look on Pauly's face when I defeat another one of his "CAAALIENTS" in an amazing fashion that only someone like me could. Nothing is going to make me happier, than watching Roman short circuit as he tries to come up with 10 words to respond to these declarations with. Nothing will make me happier A-Ri.. because once my victory takes place- which it most definitely will- I will have punched my ticket into the FINAL FOUR of the EBWF King of the Ring tournament. FOUR.. not only is the number that Roman can count to.. but it is also how many men will take center stage at King of the Ring.. all vying to be crowned. FOUR is not only the amount of big macs Paul Heyman eats a day.. but it is also the amount of men who will have a shot to LITERALLY gain wrestling royalty. FOUR is not only how many seconds it takes Roman Reigns to give up when trying to read a book in the adolescent section of Barnes and Nobles.. but it is also how many men will go into King of the Ring with big dreams in mind.. big goals to achieve... but ONE.. is the number of people.. good enough.. talented enough to see those dreams become a reality.. and the ONE that I'm referring to in this case A-Ri.. is yours truly.. the greatest of the great.. the cream of the crop.. your favorite wrestler's favorite wrestler.. the ONE that will be standing as the King of the Ring.. will be The Miz. I know Roman Reigns might want to tell me different.. but it will sound a lot like " I... no... you... King.. not you.. Roman... King.. I.. no... believe that."

Riley laughed again as did Miz.

The Miz: So what we are doing right now.. is we are going to learn to understand Roman a little better.. since he can't really explain to us why he is the way he is.. why he sounds the way he sounds.. because he doesn't have the mental or verbal abilities to do so.. Just like he doesn't have the physical ability to end my quest to become the King of the EBWF ring. Even Paul Heyman, trying to explain why I'm wrong.. isn't going to do much for anybody.. that whole Paul Heyman speaks for the guy in good shape thing is as tired as Paul gets after 10 plates of nachos. Whether Roman speaks.. or Heyman speaks.. or like President Obama speaks on Roman's behalf.. it's not going to change one thing. I'm an intellectual.. I'm smart.. I know a lot about a lot... and one thing that I KNOW.. that I have NO EQUAL when it comes to flat our producing in the squared circle. That may annoy some people, it may be a polarizing statement.. but the proof is in the pudding.. that Paul Heyman ate.. and all that's left is the proof for the whole world to see... I'm the number one man in this business.. I'm royalty.. and I just need the crown to make it official. After I end Roman's chances quicker than A-Ri ruins his with about 90 percent of the chicks at the club- to be King of the Ring.. I will be ONE STEP closer to earning a title that really only I deserve. Believe... THAT.

Alex Riley: Do Paul Heyman fat jokes ever get old?

The Miz: They really don't. Roman will probably say they do.. but it'll come out like.. "Hey.. fat... heyman... jokes..I... no... Heyman... Fat.... Believe That."

Alex Riley: Sick! That one rhymed.

The Miz: Shit.. too entertaining.. not my best impression there.

Alex Riley: True.. he'd never be able to come up with a rhyme.. he wouldn't have the time..

The Miz: Shut up.

Alex Riley: You got it.

The Miz opened the door of the brick building they'd be standing in front of for the past few minutes. No surprise to anyone who has ever taken a film class, the room they entered was the one that opened the scene. Miz and Alex quickly found a seat.. Miz covered his forehead with the cups of his hands.

The Miz: Ugh- like animals- everywhere I go.

Not one person acknowledged who had just walked in the door, and the camera panned around to the disinterested folks occupying the auditorium to drive that point home. Alex glanced at everyone quick.. and yelled out.

Alex Riley: Come on guys! He's just a regular person like all of you.. ok so he's not regular at all- he's a mega star and soon to be EBWF King of the Ring.. but for god sakes back the heck off of him!

The Miz kept his hands over his forehead.

The Miz: Thanks bro.

Alex Riley: Yep.

Alex gave a strong nod to Miz, and both men turned their attention to the stage. As a man in a suit was starting his powerpoint presentation. A clicking sound was heard and on the projector screen 4 words appeared " PUBLIC SPEAKING: NO THANKS"

Alex Riley: Talk about irony.. this guys about to give a speech.

The Miz looked at him annoyed.

Alex Riley: Shut up.. got it.

Speaker: Haven't we all thought this from time to time? Whether it's a big presentation at work- or we are asked to say a few words on somebody's behalf in front of a crowd- or we're just trying to make a room full of people laugh.. sometimes those moments can be some of the scariest in the world.. yet others seem to do it with ease. Why is that? Why do we make simple communication out to be SO difficult.. what makes us STRUGGLE with these moments?

A slide click was heard and the next slide appeared on the projector screen. Bullet points with the words: Anxiety, Panic, Fear.

Speaker: It's because the second we start thinking about speaking to a crowd we get that anxiety... don't we? We start thinking, am I going to speak to fast.. too soft.. not be interesting.. are people going to be whispering about me? Will I be articulate enough? These thoughts lead to tremendous anxiety.. to the point where these questions consume us.. and we can't focus on anything prior to that moment of truth. This consumption.. leads to PANIC.. that something will for sure go awry or astray.. and that leads to FEAR.. that will not allow us to be successful in getting any type of point across.. or performing in a positive way whatsoever.

The Miz raised his hand.

Speaker: There will be time to take questions at the end.. of my..

The Miz: Buddy- I'm The Miz- you'll take my question now.

Speaker: I love it! I love the confidence.. does anybody else want to try?

The Miz: I'm not conquering any fears here my man.. the rest of these freaks can keep trying in front of the mirror.. in the meantime.. you're gonna answer my question. So do you mean to tell me- that even if a person as the mental capacity to come up with something interesting to say.. something that would say captivate an audience.. and make them care even remotely about anything about them.. Anxiety.. Panic.. and Fear could lead them to not be able to?

Speaker: That is precisely what I'm saying. There are a lot of vastly intelligent folks out there, that simply put cannot take the words from their head and verbalize them in a confident and effective way. Either in front of a large group.. or even in a smaller setting. Anxiety- can be so debilitating that it could make even the smartest men- seem well quite unintelligent.

The Miz: So the fear.. it just takes over them? The harder they try to be interesting.. or seem tough... or cool.. the worse it probably gets right?

Speaker: No question- people that are unable to speak in public.. often want to be able to SO BADLY.. that it prevents them from being able to. The more they think about how much they wish they COULD.. the more they CAN'T. The rest of this speech today- is to try and give people in this situation coping strategies to be able to overcome this Anxiety.. this panic.. this fear.. when they have to speak to people in a public setting.. do you care to hear it?

The Miz: I sure don't.. but this has been very eye opening.. wouldn't you say A-Ri?

Alex Riley: Oh no doubt Miz.. I'm all like...

Alex opened his eyes EXTREMELY wide.

The Miz: We'll be leaving now.. hey everyone.. keep fighting the good fight huh.. no need to respond I don't want anyone pissing their pants because of the anxiety, panic , and fear!

Miz gave a mocking closed fist as if to say "fight on." As both he and Alex left the building and the scene faded to black.

The scene reponed at a house show in Salt Lake City, Utah. The site of EBWF Warfare. A restlessness was felt in the crowd as the camera panned around. All of a sudden..

AWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESOMMMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Followed by "I Came to Play" by Downstait was heard as The Miz and Alex Riley strut down the ramp to a chorus of boo's. They both wore the same outfits they had worn in the previous segment. Neither one of them looked like they had a care in the world as they confidently made their way into the ring. Miz requested a microphone from the time keeper and it was a request that was granted. The Miz put the mic to his lips, as the boo's intensified. He took the microphone down.. and smirked at the heat he was receiving from this crowd. Finally, the boo's died down enough for him to speak.

The Miz: Ladies and Gentlemen.. my name is Mike Mizanin.. but you can call me The Miz.. better yet.. you can call me YOUR HIGHNESS.

The crowd booed even louder.

The Miz: Because that is exactly what you'll be forced to call me- oh SO very soon. SO very soon- you will all have NO CHOICE.. but to bow down to the king, the emperor, the czar of being awesome.. and the czar of being great... YOURS TRULY!

More boos.

The Miz: What I'm about to say may surprise many of you... and your 12 wives... but I'm not out here to talk about me tonight.. I'm here to talk about something very serious.. an epidemic that plagues many people all over the world.. it even plagues one of our very own superstars.. that epidemic.. is PERFORMANCE ANXIETY.

A-Ri started cracking up laughing. Miz kept it very serious.

The Miz: That's right.. our very own Roman Reigns is one of the many inflicted people worldwide.. he just can't seem to get himself UP.. to perform.. he really.. falls short.. his performances... flacid.. disappointing.. underwhelming.

Alex craned his head in.

Alex Riley: HE SUCKS IN BED!

The Miz looked at Alex horrified.

The Miz: That's not.. what! Oh you thought?! Oh no no no..

The Miz smirked.

The Miz: That's not what I'm implying.. I mean I'm sure he does.. because he sucks at everything.. but I'm talking about in the ring. You see earlier today A-Ri and I went to go find out a little bit of what has to happen inside a persons brain for them to be SO RIDICULOUSLY, UTTERLY, INCAPABLE, of being interesting. For a long time Utah, I thought that all you needed was a brain and you could communicate your thoughts in a way that didn't make people want to cut their ears off out of boredom. So that's why Roman Reigns always confused me.. I mean as far as I know.. all humans have brains.. so I was very confused as to why Roman Reigns couldn't seem to form a sentence that didn't make the History Channel seem like entertainment porn by comparison. What we found out today.. was eye opening..

Alex Riley opened his eyes wide and pointed to them.. the crowd was booing them out of the arena.

The Miz: It turns out that Roman Reigns problem.. isn't because he's stupid.. I mean.. he is stupid... but it's not the reason why he literally is the pro wrestling version of the teacher in Ferris Bueller.

The Miz broke into his impression, speaking in a slow deep voice.

The Miz: Bueller... Bueller... no Bueller... you know the movie.. but the REASON why Reigns is incapable of captivating anyone.. is because he suffers from SEVERE ANXIETY.. which leads to panic... which leads to fear. Every time Roman Reigns THINKS about speaking in front of all of you.. he wants to entertain you guys SO BAD.. that it literally makes him unable to. He wants to seem so tough.. and so cool.. SO MUCH.. that it actually leads him to come off as the opposite. Paul Heyman himself KNOWS this and that's why over the past month he's tried to step in and be the PAUL HEYMAN.. that we know and love.. and talk for him.. but REIGNS is hell bent and determined on overcoming this ANXIETY.. that he INSISTS on speaking for himself.. and each and every time that anxiety.. that panic.. that fear.. sets in.. and he comes off sounding like a middle aged dad trying to be hip like his 14 year old sons friends. He sounds... well.. there's no other way to put it.. really really boring and pathetic. So tonight.. in a surprise move.. I'm reaching out to you Roman.. OBVIOUSLY this anxiety does NOT effect me.. and thank god for that.. because if I had to wake up in the morning and be you.. man.. you want to talk about PANIC.. and FEAR.. it'd be BRUTAL.. but I'm reaching out to you tonight.. because I want to tell you that I understand better now why you are the way you are. I understand why you lash out.. and you are overly violent.. because it's a way to cope with the fact that you just can't DO any of the things you'd like to do so badly.. and there's a lot of things on that list isn't there Roman? There's not only talking in front of groups of people.. but there's things like..

Alex Riley craned in again.

Alex Riley: PLEASURING A HUMAN WOMAN!

The Miz smirked.

The Miz: Maybe.. yes.. and other things like defeating me on Monday Night.. or becoming King of the Ring. I hear ya- they are great goals- it's great to want things... but you know as well as I do.. NOW.. after my eyes have been opened today.. that THE MORE YOU WANT TO DO SOMETHING.. the MORE IT CAN'T HAPPEN.. that's the thing about performance anxiety.. the more you want to perform.. the more the anxiety keeps you from doing so.. So even though you WANT to beat me on Warfare.. even though you might WANT to become King of the Ring.. that fear.. that panic.. that ANXIETY.. is going to keep you from doing so... that.. and the fact that, oh yeah..

I'MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM THE MIZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

ANNNNNNNNNNNNNNDDDDDDDDDDD I'MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

AWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Alex Riley took the mic.

Alex Riley: I can see the Final Four at King of the Ring now.. people gonna be like..

Alex Riley did his best low slow voice.

Alex Riley: Reigns?........ Reigns?....... Reigns?...

The Miz smirked as "I Came To Play" was heard over the PA System once more and Salt Lake City let The Miz and A-Ri hear the boos. The scene faded to black.