Loud whooshing and bubbling water along with screechy, high-pitched squeals echoed in an off-white fluorescent lit room. A door swung open with a long creak as some type of motor-sound, much like that of a chainsaw revving, started up. A look in the mirror gave view to a reflection of a large tiger head with an eyeball hanging out of a socket.

AHHH!

A muffled yell, followed by a smaller scream of bloody murder. The camera quickly swooped down to capture a red-faced little girl with pigtails next to the large tiger, screaming her head off in pure fear. She had her hands held up high underneath a hand-dryer.

WAIT! YOU CAN’T LEAVE!

Totally not something a stranger should yell to a child in a public restroom. The little girl ran out of the bathroom and now the full body of the tiger was seen. It was standing upright on two feet, not like how tigers should, with its eyeball flopping wildly everywhere as it tried to follow the child out. Whatever this thing was ran into the door for the exit and held at its face, feeling around with its paws (or hands?) until it grabbed the door handle. Once it managed to get out, we could see a parent consoling the little girl who had just run out walking away with the child, who was still sobbing uncontrollably.

Aww man, I didn’t even get to hug her. At least she’ll see me tonight. Without a derped eyeball like this.

The animorph tiger threw its hands up in defeat and turned around to start walking to the concession area, but almost bumped into Matt Striker, who was in the middle of an line. Luckily the Tigger Terror stopped right in its tracks (Get it?!) and refrained from toppling into a strange heap of beastiality.

Matt Striker: It seems like my guest is a little late, but as we’ve all seen so far, there’s no predicting exactly what this odd enigma of a woman is capable of. In her debut match here in the EBWF, Blue Pants managed to get a victory over Velvet Sky in the Queen of the Ring tournament. And tonight, she faces one of the most decorated women in wrestling history in Trish Stratus in semifinals action. Yes, you heard that right; Blue Pants takes on Trish Stratus tonight on Warfare.

HEY!

Matt Striker nearly jumped out of his pants as he turned to see who had yelled at him. Of course, he found a giant tiger with one eye standing directly behind him, breathing down his neck. El tigre took a step back and ducked down, covering its head.

CROUCHING TIGER HIDDEN DRAGON, INITIATE!

Striker took a deep breath and looked to the producer baffled, before turning to face this tiger.

Matt Striker: Blue Pants?

Blue Pants: Yeah?

Her voice was muffled from within the tiger head.

Matt Striker: You’re late.

Blue Pants, in her tiger costume, slowly stood up and clasped her paws together in front of her, using her other two to kick at the floor, clearly upset.

Blue Pants: I know I’m late. I’m sorry.

Matt Striker: And you have one eye.

He pointed to the eyeball that had popped out of the head of the costume.

Blue Pants: I KNOW! I tried fixing it in the bathroom and it didn’t happen. But you know what they say.

She waited for Matt to respond, but he didn’t. He just stood there and held the microphone closer to where he guessed Blue Pants voice could be heard from.

Blue Pants: Better late than never! AND one eye is better than NO EYES! Watch this!

Blue Pants ripped out the dangling eyeball from its socket, prompting a disturbed look from Striker.

Blue Pants: This sets up a metaphor for later. Just watch out for those context clues!

Matt Striker: Okaaaay……. Anyway, as I was saying before, tonight you take on Trish Stratus. Stratus is no stranger to the Queen of the Ring tournament and was in fact the winner back in 2009.

Blue Pants: I KNOW! That’s great!

Matt Striker: Yes, that’s great. For her… For you, not so much. You’re going into this contest blind, no pun intended, having never competed in a tournament of this grandiosity, and only having one other match under your belt since joining the company.

Blue Pants: Ya know Matt, it actually IS great for me, thank you very much! Who crapped in your cheerios this morning?! Probably a bird because your ‘tude right now is TOTALLY ACIDIC!

She held out her tiger limbs and even pawed him in the chest.

Blue Pants: So how ‘bout you ca-CAWLM IT DOWN AND STOP BEING AN ACTUAL PARTY-POOPER!

Matt looked on shocked, definitely not expecting that reaction from Blue Pants. But sometimes you have to put your foot down. Even if it’s a paw.

Blue Pants: SORRY! I’M JUST REALLY UPSET ABOUT THE EYEBALL! But at the same time, a tiger’s gotta earn its stripes somehow.

Matt Striker: Would you say you’re going to attempt to earn your stripes tonight against Trish Stratus?

Blue Pants: F yeah I am! Imagine, Blue Pants beats Trish Stratus tonight to go on to the queen of the ring finals!

Blue Pants became full of giggles.

Blue Pants: It even sounds funny right? But the word FUN ain’t in funny for the heck of it! Whether I win or lose tonight won’t matter, because I get to share the ring with the WOMEN’S WRESTLER OF THE YEAR! That automatically makes me runner-up, right? ‘Cuz I’m the person standing next to her.

Matt Striker: No, not really, but--

Blue Pants: But I really wanna win tonight. Because if you’re not winning… Well, you’re losing. And that isn’t good PR for the Cool School. Bayley has a match tonight too so we’re reppin’ the school.

Matt Striker: That’s right. She’s taking on Sasha Banks tonight. If she defeats Banks, and you defeat Stratus, you’ll end up facing her in the final match of the tournament.

Blue Pants: RIGHT! Best friends LITERALLY TO THE END! And that’s why I HAVE to beat Trish Stratus tonight!

Matt Striker: Because Bayley is your best friend?

Blue Pants: Yes Matt. Plus, when you have a friend rooting you on that gives you an extra boost of power. Like when your mom cheers for you at your first basketball game and you actually MAKE that free throw! When you have no friends and you’re all on your own, it’s kinda hard. It’s not easy being on your own in a place like this. There are literally wolves ready to rip into sheep necks at every corner. So that’s why you have to be a TIGER! So you can fight off those wolves. Trish Stratus is a wolf. And do you remember when she was with Natalya and they were like the ultimate women’s wolf pack?! That was just the best thing EVER!

Matt Striker: Yes… That was close to three months ago.

Blue Pants: Yes… And then Natalya went for Trish’s jugular! Or I guess maybe Trish’s jugular was already done for and Natalya just left her for dead. But DETAILS don’t matter in this instance! Especially because it could bring on PTSD for Trish. That was only the worst thing to ever happen in HISTORY! I wish you’d show a little more concern. Sheesh.

Matt Striker: Right, so Trish Stratus and Natalya are no longer a team.

Blue Pants: Right, they are no longer a team.

Matt Striker: Are you mocking me?

Blue Pants: YES I AM, because imitation is the sincerest form of flattery! Like the reason why a tiger has the fur it has is so it can look like the grass it hides in before it pounces on its prey! It actually helps the grass blend into the tiger so you can’t see it!

Matt Striker: I don’t think that’s how it works--

Blue Pants: And so NOW Trish Stratus is a lone wolf! Natalya proved to be the alpha male. Maybe they couldn’t be friends anymore because they both wanted to be the alpha male!? I don’t know who wore the pants in that team but either way, Natalya walked out with the entire outfit and left Trish Stratus with nothing but scraps! And then last week Natalya came back and took the last pair of clean underwear Trish had, and when you run out of underwear it’s pretty much anything goes to defend yourself. It was vicious. Like how the wild reaaaally works. It is so dangerous out there all by yourself! And now Trish Stratus is hiding out in some teeny patch of tall grass just waiting to be pounced on by someone who knows JUST the right moment to attack! I hate to be the animal that does this when she is licking her wounds, but in the wild you must have no regrets and show NO REMORSE! BUT, when the attack happens it’ll involve zero stealth mechanisms. It will be out in the open in the middle of an arena with thousands of people watching. And we may claw each other’s eyes out! Good thing I only have 1 left.

She held up the plastic eyeball bead.

Blue Pants: Guess what Matt. There is no I or eye in Team.

Matt Striker: I am aware?

Blue Pants: It doesn’t sound like you are! “I” stands alone. It doesn’t have anything to help it stand up! I know at some point Trish Stratus will have a lot to say about me. About how I don’t stand a chance. About how I don’t have a clue what’s gonna happen to me here after tonight. Which… She is right. If I win who knows! If I lose who knows! And then she will say I am a joke! And ya KNOW WHAT MATT?! It’ll sound like a bad case of the I-TIS!

Matt Striker: The itis?

Blue Pants: Yeah! All she is gonna say is “I am this and I am that and I did this and I did that and I am I am I am” and ya know what? I AM A WE!

Matt Striker was thoroughly confused at this point and wasn’t even sure he should attempt to understand, so he remained silent.

Blue Pants: And that is why I am going to go out there tonight and defeat Trish Stratus. Bayley and I-- WE are gonna get to the end of this and fight it out knowing WE will win this in the end, either way! I have the EYE OF THE FREAKING TIGER!

Blue Pants held up the eyeball by its frayed string.

Blue Pants: TWO EYES ARE BETTER THAN ONE! TWO “I’s” ARE BETTER THAN ONE BECAUSE IT’S MORE THAN ONE! A WOLF WITHOUT A PACK CAN’T SURVIVE FOR LONG BECAUSE IT WILL DIE OF EXHAUSTION! A tiger is a very solitary animal and doesn’t need a team to survive. I learned that in Wildlife II at the Cool School. So I guess that is also very good to know at this time, too. But this tiger DOES have a team, and two tigers is better than one!

Matt Striker: So to reiterate and clear things up for the folks at home, you are confident tonight you will defeat Trish Stratus, and get one step closer to becoming the Queen of the Ring?

Blue Pants: Yes. Like Tony the Tiger, it’ll be GREAAAAAAAT! It’s gonna be as cool as Frosted Flakes! No one can turn this frown upside down because THERE IS NO FROWN! And I know keeping things like that up with Bayley can take us straight to the top! Who knows what Trish Stratus has up her sleeves tonight. Oh wait, she doesn’t wear sleeves! But I DO! So who knows what I have up MY sleeves tonight? I’ll tell you what. It has to do with this tiger costume. I’m bringing my KUNG FU TO THAT RING! TIGER STYLE! If you take Chinese Astrology at the Cool School you’ll learn that the tiger is one of the strongest animals. Watch out for some serious paw-swiping action, insane climbing and leaping skills, and some guttural screams because I’ve got the eye of the tiger, and YOU’RE ALL GONNA HEAR ME ROAR!

Blue Pants started humming the popular Katy Perry tune as she walked away, leaving Matt Striker behind to bite his tongue and hold his breath.

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OOC: Good luck, Ashlee! Hope everyone enjoys.