( This promo is a joint effort between myself and Catnip. :3 )

~Dolph Ziggler always made sure to stay in expensive hotels. He wanted to give off the air of a star and he wouldn't be caught dead in anything less than five stars. He sat in the nice, roomy, well lit hotel lobby in upscale Minnesota in a large, cushioned love seat. His blond hair was perfectly swept backwards and his attire was well groomed. He was dressed in a black suit with pinstripes and a pink tie. Pink dress shoes covered his feet (custom made, 'o course.). One leg was folded over the other as he flipped through a magazine. An EBWF camera began to approach him. Before the camera man had a chance to speak up, Dolph interrupted him by holding up a finger. And he did so without his eyes ever leaving his magazine.~

Dolph Ziggler: What do you want? You can obviously see that I'm busy unless you're a complete moron. And I haven't even looked at you yet but I'm going to safely assume that this is the case.

Camera Man: Well...we just wanted to get a few words on your match at Sacrifice...

Dolph Ziggler: I'm going to win.

~Dolph continued to flip through his magazine.~

Camera Man: ...That's all? But it's for the IC Title. A triple threat. Your partner Jack Swagger is involved.

Dolph Ziggler: Correction. I'm going to win and become the new IC Champion.

Camera Man: You seem extremely confident.

Dolph Ziggler: Uh? Yeah? Do I? That's kind of my thing. Are you new here? You should be fired.

~Ziggler tossed his magazine over his shoulder~

Dolph Ziggler: What? You want me to 'show off'? For who? Our audience? Pft. They have to pay to see that. They have to PAY to see Dolph Ziggler liberate the IC Title from Mr. Anderson's cheese covered finger tips. I wrestled him once already and he ran away. RAN. I was too much for him. And I'm supposed to sweat now when it's essentially going to be a handicap match? This is why I'm smart and you're not.

Camera Man: Mr. Anderson was injured coming into the match and he's still got that lingering injury..

Dolph Ziggler: Oh. Am I supposed to care about that? Because I don't. I don't care if he comes into this match missing a limb. All I care about is becoming a champion. And it doesn't matter to me how it happens. If he's that hurt then he should have hand the title over to me and just...go...away.

Camera Man: So you really have no problem winning a title against someone who isn't one hundred percent? And what about Jack Swagger? Doesn't he want to be champion?

Dolph Ziggler: Do I need to reiterate this again? I DON'T CARE. If Mr. Anderson's ugly parents were in the crowd and the ONLY WAY they could possibly get through the night is if Ken somehow walked out of that arena with the title? I would beat him even harder. And Swagger knows his place. He is fully aware that Dolph Ziggler is the star of this team and I'm the one who is getting the strap.

~Dolph got to his feet and shook his head in annoyance.~

Dolph Ziggler: So Ken's hurt and he pissed off the bosses. I'm supposed to do...what? Go easy on him? It isn't my fault he's fragile and doesn't have the best business sense. Look at me. Look at how I dress. Look at how I talk. Then look at him. No comparison. I scream champion. He screams...I don't know what he screams but it makes me want to vomit.

~Ziggler strolled over to the lobby's piano and began to play the key's with grace~

Dolph Ziggler: I am the very model of a modern, Major-General, I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral, I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical!

~He slams his fingers onto the key's.~

Dolph Ziggler: Look at that. I can play the piano and I have the voice of a thousand angels. Can Mr. Anderson do that? No.

~Dolph performed a hand-stand on top of the piano and began to walk across the top of it on his palms with ease.~

Dolph Ziggler: Handstand. On the piano. He can't do that. I'm amazing.

~After pushing himself off he landed swiftly and nimbly onto his feet and strolled over to the check in counter where a cute brunette was present.~

Dolph Ziggler: Hi. I'm Dolph Ziggler.

Check-In-Girl: AHHH! DOLPH ZIGGLER!

~The girl sunk down below the counter.~

Dolph Ziggler: Do you see that? Orgasms. Multiple. Without lifting a finger. Anderson has never done that any woman in his entire life.

~After successfully showing off, Dolph returned to his chair and kicked his feet up.~

Dolph Ziggler: I'm Dolph Ziggler. I show off. And after Sacrifice I'm going to be the new IC Champion. Now go away.

~He pulled his magazine back in front of his face and the camera backed away.~

***

*The 6'7'' frame of Jack Swagger stood in front of a backdrop that was made to look like the American Flag. Swagger was dressed in a gray suit with a tie that looked like Old Glory. While standing up perfectly straight he performed a salute.*

Jack Swagger: I'm Jack Swagger. And I am The All American, American, American. I am the living embodiment of this great nation. When Osama Bin Laden was killed I was said to be the motivation the troops used to take that scoundrel down.

*Jack flashed his wide pearly whites*

Jack Swagger: At Sacrifice I have the chance to add to my already staggering and impressive list of accolades. I will become the new Intercontinental Champion as myself and my good friend Dolph Ziggler wipe that mat with that undeserving, no-good, loud-mouth who calls himself Mr. Anderson.

*The American Hero looks pained for a moment*

Jack Swagger: I take no pride in what we will do to Mr. Anderson. The man is injured despite being a vagabond. We will treat with the utmost respect and unsure that no foul play of any kind is involved.

*The remorseful look turns into a smirk.*

Jack Swagger: Actually..none of that is true. We are going to exploit the injury of Kenneth and hurt him. It's a fitting treatment for one such as himself. If it were up to me Wisconsin, the wretched place of his birth, would be nuked to oblivion. What has Wisconsin ever given us? Nothing. Uncle Slam would be proud to see it's demise. Just like he would be proud when Dolph and make Anderson look like the amateur that he truly is. He has no hope against two superior athletes of our caliber.

*Swagger performs another salute. Two women in red white and blue bikini's emerge and hold up a pair of bright colored sparklers. Another man dressed as bald eagle appears and salute's alongside Jack.*

Jack Swagger: Mr. Anderson you need to take a good long look at this. You are looking at the man who will wear the IC Title with pride. I am the man that will punish you for all of your nefarious deeds. Your body will be broken. And this great Country will be able to sleep soundly knowing that the champion they have always yearned for has finally arrived. I'm Jack Swagger. And I approve this message.

*The sheer majesty of Swagger's message comes to an end.*

***

~The final scene takes place as Ziggler and Swagger are shown backstage in their ring gear. Ziggler takes a swig from his mineral water while Jack is busy performing a few push-ups.~

The Coach: I'm here with Dolph Ziggler and Jack Swagger. Tonight they find themselves in a triple threat match where the Intercontinental Championship is on the line. Champion Mr. Anderson will have to reach down deep if he wants to hang on to the gold tonight.

Dolph Ziggler: You've got that right, Coachman. He doesn't stand a CHANCE. Jack and I are on the same page and we are going to tear that nobody apart. He has never faced two men like us! Because no one like us exist! And when it's all said and done...DOLPH ZIGGLER will have some gold firmly around his sculpted waist.

~Swagger seemed to take offense to this and he stopped his push-ups and sprung to his feet~

Jack Swagger: I thought we had agreed that I was going to be winning the title.

Dolph Ziggler: Uh. No. That would be stupid. Because everyone knows that if anyone should hold that title...it should be me.

Jack Swagger: Who is everyone? I'm The All American, American!

Dolph Ziggler: I'm The Show Off!

Jack Swagger: All American, American, American, American, American..!!

Dolph Ziggler: SHOW! OFF! SHOW! OFF! SHOW! OFF!

~Both men glared at one another before regaining their composure.~

Dolph Ziggler: Alright, alright. Look. We pick Anderson apart and then whichever one of us is better becomes the champion. Agreed?

Jack Swagger: Agreed. And it's going to be me.

Dolph Ziggler: Keep dreaming!

~The tag partners stared each other down before slowly backing away from one another while never letting the other out of their sight.~