OOC: So Kamden and I had a communication mix up last night, which is why we didn't post our RP. I'm really sorry everyone! We both feel awful. But we thought you might still get some enjoyment out of it, which is why we're posting it now. Any feedback would be appreciated.
Five days before Warfare, and the start of the Tag Team Classic, EBWF was holding a house show in Boise, Idaho. About an hour into the show “SAWFT is a Sin” by CFO$ hit the sound system and the crowd cheered. Enzo Amore made his way to the stage and hyped up the crowd that filled the CenturyLink Arena on the way down the ramp. When he arrived to the ring, he was handed a mic.
Enzo Amore: BOISE. I GOT ONE QUESTION FOR YA!
The crowd already asked it for him, with a loud “How you doin’” echoing throughout the arena.
Enzo Amore: Oh, me? I’m not that great actually… I’m mad. I’m upset. I am not feeling like a bonafide stud.
Boos filled the arena as Enzo shook his head angrily and put a hand up to calm them down.
Enzo Amore: On June 20th Two Thousand and Sixteen, someone whose name is not Moses tried to part a certain sea that shall not be mentioned. I’m keepin’ it PG here, ok? But it was not comfortable and it was not fun and it was downright DANGEROUS! I don’t wanna relive this moment either because it’s butt ugly, but for those of you at home who don’t got a clue… Here’s what happened…
On the tron, the footage of Enzo Amore vs. Kevin Owens match finish from the episode of Warfare replayed, showing Owens getting the victory with a pinfall while holding onto Enzo’s tights. The crowd was just as unhappy as Enzo was.
Enzo Amore: TURN IT OFF MAN! I can’t watch!
Enzo started pacing the ring, and got faster and faster until he came to a complete stop.
Enzo Amore: You know what? I’m tired of bein’ pushed around by these wanna be tough guys. Just because you weigh 500 freakin’ pounds don’t mean you own the place! I can eat 10 pizzas too, NEW YORK STYLE BY THE WAY! Kevin Owens makes me sick to my stomach, worse than when ya eat bad sushi from a Kentucky pit stop. It’s time I help myself. I ain’t gonna let someone rip me a new one, metaphorically or physically, again. Two times is enough, let alone by the same person. I don’t care what the deuce people gotta say about that. If you really care about yourself you gotta get that insurance. That back up. Pack some HEAT! And boy oh boy, let me tell you… What I’ve got for ya is about to light a fire under your seats. So please, get to your feet, because I bring with me a monster of a man. A man like no other. This guy is bigger than the Empire State. He should be headbutting jets for a living, but it’s time he joins the EBWF. Here he is, my man, THE man, BIG CASS!
“Party Up” by DMX hit and the crowd cheered as Big Cass stepped out onto the stage.
Enzo Amore: Big Cass! They don’t call him that for nothin’. This guy is so tall, he gets his doors custom made!
As Big Cass made his way down the ramp, Enzo continued to “talk big” about his partner.
Enzo Amore: This guy Big Cass is SEVEN FEET TALL. When Lady Liberty’s sandal snapped, Big Cass gave her a loaner. And ya can’t BEAT that!
Big Cass entered the ring, and Enzo held up his fist for a fist bump. Big Cass obliged, bumping fists with Enzo. Enzo fell to the mat, gripping at his wrist and bobbing his head wildly. Even the mic fell out of his hand. He picked it up as he got back to his feet, shaking the hand that was bumped by Big Cass.
Enzo Amore: You may be Goliath but I am not gonna be David, man.
Big Cass grinned, slapping Enzo on the shoulder, then taking a microphone from ringside. After his music was cut, Big Cass began to speak.
Big Cass: BOISE, IDAHO… HOW YOU DOIN?!
The crowd cheered, and another “How you doin” chant broke out.
Big Cass: Enzo says he’s tired of being pushed around, and so he should be. Now that I’m here, those days are over. Because if anyone tries to push me around, they’re going down! I’ll be yelling timber like Kesha, and I’ll chop you down like a coniferous pine tree. My bite is worse than my bark, and I’ve got a pretty bad bark. EBWF, be warned. From this day forward, if you mess with Enzo, you mess with me. And if you mess with me, I’ll mess up your face with this size 16 boot!
Big Cass raised his right leg, resting his foot on the ropes to certify the size of his boot.
Enzo Amore: And ya can’t teach that!
Big Cass was about to say something else, “Rebel Son” by CFO$ hit and the crowd booed as Wade Barrett stepped out onto the stage, accompanied by Drew McIntyre. Barrett had a microphone with him, and when his music was cut, he began to speak.
Wade Barrett: Enzo and Cass… so this is what the tag division is coming to? Well boys, I’m afraid I’ve got some bad news for you… neither one of you can hold a candle to me or Drew McIntyre. You’re just a couple of no hopers. Drew and I, we’re future tag team champions, and tonight, we’re going to show you both just how good we are.
Barrett tossed the mic and looked to McIntyre, who gave him a nod of approval. They both started for the ring while Enzo and Big Cass started hyping up the crowd. Barrett and Enzo started the match, and Barrett worked with McIntyre to keep Enzo grounded, stopping Big Cass from getting involved in the match. Despite several near falls, Barrett and McIntyre weren’t able to get the three count. After more than five minutes of Barrett and McIntyre double teaming Enzo, Barrett went for the Bull Hammer, but Enzo ducked out of the way, then countered with a reverse DDT. Enzo crawled towards the corner… and to the delight of the crowd, tagged in Big Cass! Cass entered the ring and took Barrett down with a big boot, then as Barrett got back to his feet, Cass hit him with a scoop slam. McIntyre entered the ring and went to his Big Cass with a clothesline, but Cass ducked out of the way, then whipped McIntyre against the ropes, before hitting him with a back body drop. As McIntyre rolled out of the ring, Barrett got to his feet once more. Big Cass hit him with the East River Crossing, then tagged Enzo back into the match. Enzo went to the top rope, and with the help of Cass, hit Barrett with the Rocket Launcher. Enzo made the cover and the referee counted - 1… 2… 3! The referee called for the bell and raised Enzo’s arm in victory. Big Cass grabbed a microphone and after slapping Enzo on the back, he began to speak.
Big Cass: Barrett… McIntyre… you might not be Doink, but you’re certainly a couple of clowns. There’s only one word to describe you, and I’m gonna spell it out for you.
The crowd chanted “S… A… W… F… T… SAWFT!” in unison with Big Cass. “Party Up” hit, and the crowd continued to cheer as Enzo and Cass made their way to the back.
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Warfare: Calgary, Alberta, Canada July 18th, 2016
Warfare’s pre-show was underway. The welcoming appearance of Renee Young graced the screen as she carried on into the next segment.
Renee Young: And kicking off Warfare tonight is the first match in the EBWF Tag Team Classic. Doink--
EXCUSE YOU!
Renee Young: The clown?
Are you callin’ that man a clown?!
Renee shook her head and looked to her left, then her right as people approached her from either side. Enzo Amore walked into the shot to the right of Renee, and Big Cass to her left. He towered over her and the camera had to zoom out to capture his entire frame. Enzo had to look up at him, too.
Enzo Amore: Don’t call Big Cass a clown, I know he’s got the feet like one, but that ain’t supposed to be funny.
Big Cass made a frowny face, but it quickly changed to a smile as he looked down at Renee and Enzo.
Big Cass: We’re just messin’, Renee. Don’t worry.
Renee Young: That’s good to know, Big Cass.
Enzo Amore: As you were saying, my lovely little buttercup, tonight, E&C take on CJ and DTC.
Big Cass: Cactus Jack and Doink the Clown. What a throwback.
Enzo Amore: This ain’t the time I wanna throw back to! Take us back to the days where Stone Cold Steve Austin flipped us off and stunnered your mom, Renee.
Big Cass: Take us back to the days when The Rock was putting boots to asses, rather than making Fast 8. That’s seven too many Fast and Furious films, Renee.
Enzo Amore: Why you gotta make a movie with Rocky when you got someone fast as a bee tryna sting a bear in the face, and got someone as furious as a bear stung by said bee RIGHT in the face?
Enzo stopped and looked to Renee then Big Cass. They were giving him a confused look.
Enzo Amore: That was whack… My apologies.
Big Cass: Renee, I think what Enzo is trying to say is that he ain’t no Tooth Fairy, and I’m no Scorpion King. But I have the strength of Hercules, Enzo is gonna retaliate like GI Joe, and at the end of tonight, we’ll be Walking Tall.
Enzo Amore: Cactus Jack and DOINK the Clown better Get Smart and Be Cool!
Big Cass: Cactus Jack might be the Hardcore Legend, but Enzo and I, we’re legends in the making. Now don’t get me wrong Renee, we can clown around… but when we step into that ring, it’s no laughing matter. We might not be leprechauns, but we’ve got an eye for gold. So Cactus and Doink better recognise the finest New York and New Jersey have to offer.
Enzo Amore: Hackensack will jimmy all over Cactus Jack.
Big Cass: And Doink the Clown? You’re going down! We don’t need to go hardcore, because I’ve got barbed wire fists and Enzo has extreme kicks.
Enzo Amore: Those two bozos are somethin’ not so special. Let us spell it out for you, Renee. S is for stinky, like Mankind’s thumb and pinky, wearing that nasty leather glove he shoves in people’s mouths.
Big Cass: A is for abhorrent, which is exactly what I think of clowns.
Enzo Amore: W is for whacked, which is what our opponents will be after we do what the mob shoulda done and have them sleepin’ with the fishes.
Big Cass: F is for fragile, which is how Cactus and Doink will be feeling tomorrow morning.
Enzo Amore: And T… T is for tonight, we mess up some mugs and beat down some bodies. T is for triumph, because tonight, Big Cass and Enzo Amore walk out this place with another W, because THIS IS HOW WE DO IT!
Big Cass: AND YOU CAN’T TEACH THAT!
E&C walked off the set together, but Enzo popped back in before Renee had a chance to speak for the first time in several moments.
Enzo Amore: Renee, you fluffy canoli, I apologize again. When Cass and I get together we get a little outta hand. As you can see.
He held up his right fist to show the camera.
Enzo Amore: But… When ya have a mic on hand, you don’t need to get interviewed. Bada. BOOM. Realest guys in the room OUT.
Finally, the party of two, Big Cass and Enzo Amore, were out of shot. Just as Renee was about to speak to the camera, Big Cass could be heard shouting off camera.
Big Cass: NAILED IT!
Better Late Than Never...
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Juan Ramirez
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