I'm Ryan Clark and I approve this BS

[Nick]

I'm Ryan Clark and I approve this BS
By Ryan Clark on Thu, August 2nd, 2012

OK, this is huge. This news is earth shattering. This will literally change the way everyone looks at both the wrestling industry and will clinch my spot as the single greatest online wrestling expert ever (suck it Meltzer!). OK, are you ready? Here we go; PHANTASIO is making his comeback! Plan on him being simultaneously EBWF and WWF World Champion by the end of the month - cause, you know, I don't know, they agreed to some shared appearance thing or something - or whatever, fuck you. Oh and this is 100% exclusively my story, no one else knows shit about this - it's because the negotiations are being held in NORAD or some shit, but I've got insider sources there. True story - kind of - not really - just go with it assholes!

OK, let's see here, what else can I talk about today - OH! Here's a good one, John Cena was scheduled to win the bout with CM Punk on Sunday, but at the last second they changed the script because, uh, angels appeared to someone and told them to? I guess that sounds good, yeah yeah, let's say it was angels...no fuck that! It was aliens! Aliens invaded and used their brain ray gun on people or maybe some like hypnosis goo. The end result now has Punk going to be in the main event at SummerSlam with Rhodes.

And speaking of Cody Rhodes, my sources say that a certain someone within the company was pushing for him to get his time with the strap. The feeling among the higher ups that I'm totally connected to think he's really pretty - or whatever. So he's going to be the face of the company before it launches it's new EBWF fragrance or something, maybe a fashion line, or whatever, fuck you.

Meanwhile, down in Florida, it seems Dixie Carter has been busted using performance enhancing drugs. Yeah, tons of steroids, and a freakish amount of testosterone - in a related story, Hulk Hogan's urine sample came back and it turns out he's just starting menopause. When asked by no one if maybe Dixie and Hogan mixed up their urine sample cups, a spokesperson for the company that I'm making up right now said, "We here at TNA don't make mistakes." And clearly their impeccable booking choices up to this point proves that point.

Finally, and this is a 100% RYAN CLARK EXCLUSIVE, Bully Ray and Brodus Clay are going to quit EBWF soon and open up an art gallery together. They were spotted checking out studio galleries in Hell's Kitchen New York City - it turns out both of them share a passion for renaissance paintings. If they are still on the roster in a week or two, it's because all their favorite pictures sank on the Titanic or something...cause, you know, whatever, fuck you.

ZOMG! A-Train and George "The Animal" to costar in new porno! I have EXCLUSIVE pics!!!!! CLICK HERE!!!!

[Juan Ramirez]

ZOMG! A-Train and George "The Animal" to costar in new porno! I have EXCLUSIVE pics!!!!! CLICK HERE!!!!


HAIRY

[Sarah]

ZOMG! A-Train and George "The Animal" to costar in new porno! I have EXCLUSIVE pics!!!!! CLICK HERE!!!!

Nightmares D:

[Matt]

Is it odd that I clicked 'CLICK HERE!!!!'? Haha!