The List of Jericho

[Ben M]

Monday, January 23rd: Birmingham, Alabama (EBWF.net Exclusive)

Number one it is...

Chris Jericho heard Stone Cold Steve Austin confirm that he would be the first entrant in the 2017 Royal Rumble as he stormed out of the EBWF General Manager's office. The last time he had competed in the Royal Rumble match, two years ago, he had entered the match at number 30. Now, as he chased his 11th EBWF World Title, and his third Wrestlemania main event, he would have to literally outlast 29 other superstars. Frustrated, Jericho began talking to himself.

Chris Jericho (muttering): Stupid idiot Austin trying to screw me over again... I'll show him...

As Jericho walked through the Legacy Arena, heading back to his locker room, he was stopped by Renee Young.

Renee Young: Excuse me, Chris?

Jericho groaned at the sight of Renee.

Chris Jericho: What do you want, Renee.

Renee Young: I wanted to get your reaction to what just happened...

Chris Jericho: What just happened? WHAT JUST HAPPENED?! Here's "what just happened", Renee... Stone Cold Steve Austin just proved once again that he's out to get me. First, he refused to grant me a rematch for the EBWF World Title, even though every champion should have the right to a rematch when they lose their title. Instead, Austin would rather give not just one, but two World Title matches to Jimmy Havoc. Jimmy Havoc! Before EBWF signed him last year, no one outside of England had even heard of Jimmy Havoc. And then, he gives me a choice between number one and number two for my Royal Rumble spot. I'm not a stupid idiot, Renee, like Stone Cold and all those stupid idiots out there in the crowd tonight. I know that it doesn't matter whether you're number one or number two... I know that it's no choice at all. I'll tell you what it is, Renee. IT is a CONSPIRACY! Austin is stacking the odds against me, because he's jealous of me. He's jealous of the fact that he only got to wrestle for 13 years before his body broke down, whereas I've been wrestling for over 26 years and I'm still in peak physical condition. He's jealous of the fact that I am a better wrestler than he ever was, and he's jealous of the fact that I am the first and only ten time EBWF World Champion.

Jericho held his fingers and thumbs up, forming a number ten with his hands.

Chris Jericho: Do you know how many EBWF World Titles Austin has won, Renee?

Renee Young: Ummm...

Jericho held up two fingers.

Chris Jericho: Twice. Which makes me five times as good as our "esteemed" General Manager. Stone Cold Steve Austin might be a legend in this business, but I am the Greatest of All Time. So no matter how much Austin tries to hold me down, I will endure. I should be entering the Royal Rumble at number 30, but it doesn't matter that I'm entering at number one. Because the result will still be the same. I will be the last man standing, I will main event Wrestlemania, and I will go on to become an 11 time EBWF World Champion. And there's nothing you, Austin, or any of the 29 other men in the Royal Rumble match can do to stop me. Are we done, Renee?

As Renee was about to answer, Jericho said "we're done" and continued walking towards his locker room.

Sunday, January 29th: New Orleans, Louisiana (Royal Rumble Pre-Show)

Another city, another locker room. The night of the Royal Rumble was upon us, and Chris Jericho had written a list. The list was numbered 1 to 30, and featured the names of the entrants in the 2017 Royal Rumble match. Jericho had stuck the list on his locker room wall, and as he looked down the list, he began to speak.

Chris Jericho: 29 men will stand between me and what is rightfully mine... a rematch for the EBWF World Title. In order to take back the title that AJ Styles stole from me, I will need to outlast every single superstar that enters the Rumble, and walk out of New Orleans as a two-time Royal Rumble winner. I've won the Rumble before, so I know I can do it. There isn't a single person on the EBWF roster that I can't beat... in fact, there isn't a single wrestler in the world that I can't get the better of. Not even if they're a "surprise"...

Jericho pulled a red pen out of his pocket and circled the numbers 7, 9, 14, 25 and 29 on the list. All five numbers had the words "Surprise Entrant" next to them.

Chris Jericho: There are surprises in the Royal Rumble match every year. Sometimes, they're debuting superstars, but most of the time, they're returning legends. People like Alex Shelley, Jeff Hardy, Shane Helms and Syxx. Superstars that I've beaten before, superstars that I've outlasted. They don't intimidate me, because I know I'm better. After all, I'm the Larger than Life Living Legend... the Best in the World at What I Do. So whichever mystery names show up, mark my words, it will be no surprise when I outlast and eliminate them.

Jericho crossed out the five surprise entrants with his pen, then circled number 2.

Chris Jericho: I'll be starting the Rumble with someone I have a lot of history with... Trent. We've been enemies, and he took me to the limit in our Stairway to Hell match at Christmas Eve of Destruction in 2014. We've been allies, and alongside Lance Storm and I, Trent was part of Fed Ex when we dominated the EBWF. Tonight, it's up to Trent whether we're allies or enemies. If he wants to help me outlast the 28 other superstars that will enter the match after us, so we can start and finish the Rumble together, then I will be more than happy to work with Trent. But if he gets in my way...

Jericho crossed Trent out, and circled number 3 – Tama Tonga.

Chris Jericho: Tama Tonga... the son of Haku and a member of the Bullet Club. The intriguing thing about this year's Royal Rumble is that with all seven members of the Bullet Club having spots in the match, we might see an alliance in the Rumble unlike anything we've seen before.

Jericho circled numbers 6, 12, 15, 19, 23 and 24 – the six numbers the other members of the Bullet Club had drawn.

Chris Jericho: Tanga Roa... another one of Haku's sons. Bad Luck Fale... I think he calls himself "bad luck" because he's big and stupid. Gallows and Anderson... the three time IWGP Tag Team Champions. Kenny Omega... from the great city of Winnipeg, a man who was one of the hottest prospects in Japan before he decided to come to EBWF. And their leader, the so called "Demon King" Finn Balor. That's quite a mix. If their strategy is to work together in order to help Finn Balor win the Royal Rumble, they could be a force to be reckoned with. But I wonder, how many of the other six members of the Bullet Club will be content in the role of a lackey? Tanga Roa and Tama Tonga, you grew up in the wrestling industry. I worked with your father; I have a lot of respect for Haku. Do you think he would want you to exhaust your efforts helping someone else win the Royal Rumble? You would be doing your father a disservice unless you focus on trying to win yourselves. Even if you try and fail, you'll make your father proud. Gallows and Anderson, you're both better known for your efforts as a tag team than your work as singles competitors. This is your chance to stand out from the crowd. If one of you goes on to win the Rumble, you have a chance to be EBWF's breakout star of 2017. If you work together to help Finn Balor, you'll be just be proving what most people already think... that neither one of you can make it on your own. And as for you, Kenny, the fact you've come to EBWF as part of the Bullet Club surprises me most of all. I've kept a close eye on you while you were in Japan. Us Winnipeg guys have to look out for one another. I've watched you develop from a guy that was having comedy matches with a nine year old girl and a blow up doll, to a superstar that looked like he was on course to become the next IWGP Heavyweight Champion before you signed for EBWF. When I heard you were leaving New Japan, I was intrigued about where you'd go next. When I found out you were coming here, I was excited about getting the chance to work with you. And then I saw you standing behind Finn Balor, not saying a word and letting him take the spotlight. If I hadn't been looking for you, Kenny, I wouldn't have even noticed you were there. If you want to let someone else have the spotlight, that's fine, because I want the spotlight... and if you lack the motivation to take that spot, you'll make it easier for me to beat you. But maybe you'll prove me wrong. Maybe you were just waiting for your chance to stand out on your own, and not just be Finn Balor's bitch. I guess we'll find out tonight.

Jericho paused for a moment, smirking. He then continued speaking.

Chris Jericho: And then we have the leader, Finn Balor. Last time you were in EBWF, you were the Miz's lackey as part of the Vertex. I literally had to check the name of Vertex, given how forgettable that group is. You're leading a group which has a lot of potential, there's no doubt about that Finn. But why are you leading them? Is it for the greater good, or is it for your own advancement? You're a talented wrestler, but at 5'11" and 190 pounds, a lot of people wouldn't see you as a threat. I'm not much bigger, so I know you don't need to be a big guy to be a threat, but I don't rely on other people to get the job done. I do it myself. Can you get the job done tonight, Finn? Will Tonga, Roa, Fale, Gallows, Anderson and Omega have you back, to make sure that you do? Or will the opportunity to main event Wrestlemania prove too alluring for them? Either way, it doesn't matter. Because by the time you enter the match at number 19, I'll already have eliminated most of your friends. And if you can hold out until Bad Luck Fale and Tanga Roa enter the match, I'll eliminate them too. Whether the Bullet Club works together, or whether they each decide to look out for themselves, it doesn't really matter to me. Because none of them are going to stand in my way.

Jericho confidently crossed out the names of all seven members of the Bullet Club on his list. He looked down at JTG, who was entering the Rumble at number four and crossed him out without a moment's hesitation.

Chris Jericho: JTG... what is there to say, really? You've never accomplished anything in this business, and you're not about to start now. You'll probably be the first guy I eliminate. Number five, on the other hand... that's a different story. "The Viper" Randy Orton, a man I have a lot of history with. You're like that distant relative that only shows up during the holidays, Randy. Most of the time, you're not around, and no one really misses you. But then you show up, and everyone is like "Hey Uncle Randy, good to see you". When you are around, however, you sure know how to make your presence felt. I know that better than anyone, so while some of the other guys in this match are probably going to talk about your "ring rust", I've been around long enough to know that's not a factor. You enjoy hurting people, and given that it's been over three years since your last World Title reign, I'm sure you'd love to take the chance to main event Wrestlemania again and prove to everyone that you're still relevant. But do you want it as much as I do, Randy? That's the question. For the past couple of years, you've struck me as a guy who is happy to show up when he's needed, take his paycheck and go home. Nothing wrong with that. But for me, it's different. I'm still burning with the sense of injustice, because AJ Styles took my World Title and Stone Cold Steve Austin refused to grant me a rematch. While I'm trying to outlast 29 other guys to get my rematch, Jimmy Havoc is getting a title shot that he doesn’t deserve. That's my motivation going into this match... what's yours, Randy? Do you want to main event Wrestlemania again so you can become a three time EBWF World Champion, or do you just want an extra couple of zeros on that check? I'm hoping it's the former, not the latter, but if it is then I can guarantee I want it more. I went over four years without being the EBWF World Champion, and then 12 months ago, I won the big one for the eighth time. It was a moment I'll never forget; when I stood inside the Joe Louis Arena and held that World Title in the air, I felt vindicated. I want to feel that way again, Randy. And the only way I'm going to feel like that is if I have the World Title. So if you try to stop me on my road to vindication, you're going to get hit with a... Codebreaker outta nowhere.

Grinning, Jericho crossed Orton off the list.

Chris Jericho: Entering the Rumble at number 8, we've got another superstar I have a storied history with... Sami Zayn. Sami is the male version of Bayley, he always seems to be happy, he's passionate and the fans love him. But lately, Sami, you don't seem to have been as happy. You were on an upward curve in EBWF, and then suddenly you flatlined. You won King of the Ring last year, for the second year in a row, lost to me at Summerslam, and then... nothing. What happened, Sami? Did you finally realise that as good as you are, you'll never be as good as Chris Jericho? Don't beat yourself up about it – no one is as good as me. But I will give you one tip: don't be such a nice guy. That old saying "nice guys finish last" might be cliché, but it's true, especially in professional wrestling. I've been the good guy, and because I'm such a talented wrestler, I've managed to get to the top of this industry. But do you know how I've stayed on top, Sami? By doing whatever it takes. You don't seem to have that in you, and that's why every time we step into the ring together, I beat you. Tonight will be no different. If I have to use some underhanded tactics to eliminate you from the Rumble, I won't think twice about it. That doesn't make me a bad guy, it just makes me smarter than you. You'll see.

Jericho crossed Zayn off the list and moved onto number 10... Edge.

Chris Jericho: Another Canadian, and one I know well – the Rated R Superstar. People often call him the weak link of Rated RKO, but I haven't forgotten Edge winning the Royal Rumble in 2011 and going on to win the World Title at Wrestlemania X. So I know that Edge is capable of being a top guy. The problem is, that was six years ago. The only thing Edge has accomplished since then is one Tag Title reign. So maybe Edge isn't the weak link of Rated RKO, just the lazy one. You seem to lack ambition, Edge, and that will be your downfall.

Jericho crossed Edge's name out and moved on.

Chris Jericho: Number 11... the Breakout Champion, Baron Corbin. Corbin looks like the real deal, but he hasn't really proved himself yet. Sure, he's the Breakout Champion, but that means he belongs at the bottom of the card. He takes orders from Jimmy Havoc who, whether I agree with it or not, is at the top of the card. Corbin doesn't have what it takes to win the Royal Rumble, it's as simple as that. To be honest, I wouldn't be surprised if by the time he enters the Rumble, he's no longer the Breakout Champion. He has the opposite of momentum right now, and I don't expect him to last long in this match.

Jericho muttered "no chance" and crossed Corbin's name out. He looked at the 13th name on the list, Kevin Owens, and smiled.

Chris Jericho: Kevin Owens... finally, a superstar I can respect. I see a lot of similarities between Kevin and I – mentally at least. Physically, there's no comparison of course. I'm a sexy beast! But like me, Kevin says what he thinks, whether people like it or not. He's definitely someone with a lot of potential, but tonight is not his night.

After crossing out Kevin Owens, Jericho looked down the list, seeing Bobby Roode's name at number 16.

Chris Jericho: Another Canadian... there's a lot of us this year. But Bobby, there's a problem when the best thing people have to say about you is how good your entrance theme is. You spent weeks bigging yourself up, and then once you came face to face with an opponent who wasn't a jobber, you got bested by Samoa Joe. Tonight, Bobby, you'll get bested by me too. And it will be... glorious.

Smirking, Jericho crossed Roode's name off his list.

Chris Jericho: Next up, we have the Intercontinental Champion, Alex Riley. This time last year, I was beating your mentor The Miz for the World Title... and you weren't even around. Now, the student has become the master. It's amazing how much can change in one year. But here's something that will never change, "A-Ri". You will never, eeeeeever, be in my league. The fact that you were able to best The Miz means nothing, because I've bested him on several occasions. When you step into the ring with me, you're going to find out exactly how "awesome" I am. Really.

Jericho crossed out Alex Riley's name, and moved onto Matt Sydal.

Chris Jericho: Well if it isn't everyone's favourite curtain jerker, Matt Sydal. You might walk out of New Orleans as the new Breakout Champion, Matt, but you have no hope of winning the Royal Rumble. No matter how quick you are, no matter how athletic you are, if you and I cross paths tonight, I will beat you down faster than you can say Wikipedia. You won't be able to last the distance, Sydal... and neither will your partner, Mark...

Jericho crossed Sydal's name off the list and looked for Mark Andrews' name. When he found Andrews at number 22, there was a nod of recognition, as if he had needed to see the Welsh high-flier's name to remember what his surname was. He crossed Mandrews' name out and went back up the list to the 20th entrant.

Chris Jericho: PJ Black, welcome back! Congratulations on now being the longest reigning champion in EBWF history... although how you haven't been stripped of the PTG Title when you've been on the shelf for three months is beyond me. It's almost as if our General Manager is corrupt. The real irony about you being the Path to Glory champion, PJ, is that you've never used the title for its intended purpose. For over 400 days, you've been sitting on a ticket to a World Title shot, and you've never dared to cash it in. And you call yourself the Darewolf? Scarewolf would be more appropriate. You never traded the PTG Title in for a World Title shot because you know you're not good enough to be the EBWF World Champion. Which means you aren't good enough to win the Royal Rumble.

Jericho crossed Black's name out and moved on.

Chris Jericho: At number 21 we have the Swiss Superman, Cesaro. When Cesaro enters the ring, I'll have outlasted 19 other superstars, and I'll have been in the match for almost 40 minutes. Cesaro will no doubt have some fun swinging people around the ring, but unless he swings them over the top rope, he'll accomplish nothing. And it he tries to swing me, I'll put him in the Walls of Jericho and bend his spine in half. You might be tough, Cesaro, but I'm tougher. I don't need uppercuts to beat you, because I've got 1,004 holds.

After crossing Cesaro's name off the list, Jericho looked down to the 26th name on the list – The Big Dog, Roman Reigns.

Chris Jericho: Well if it isn't Paul Heyman's latest protégé entering the Rumble among the final five. John Cena was mocked for having five moves of doom, but you've only got two. Three if you include the Drive By, but that's hardly going to be much use in the Royal Rumble match. The Spear and the Superman Punch might be effective for you, but I'm going to be your kryptonite tonight, Roman. You've proved time and time again that despite having Paul Heyman in your corner, you can't get the job done. Tonight will be no different.

Jericho crossed out the name Roman Reigns and moved onto entrant number 27th.

Chris Jericho: Bully Ray. Wow. I didn’t know you were still part of EBWF. Didn't you retire already? You've tried to make a name for yourself and I respect that, but people will always think of you primarily as the fat Dudley Boy. You might have a hot girlfriend, but the only heat you'll feel tonight is the fire I've got in my belly.

After crossing out Bully Ray, Jericho read the 28th name on the list and laughed.

Chris Jericho: Almost there now, and entering at number 28 is Stone Cold's "good friend" The Rock. I wonder if Rock is still your friend after what I did to him at Christmas Eve of Destruction, Austin. And Rock, as for you... are you sure you're ready to step into the ring with me again? Shouldn't you be on a talk show somewhere promoting Moana or Baywatch? I proved in our last man standing match that you aren't in my league, and tonight, I will be the last man standing once again.

When Jericho had crossed out The Rock's name, there was just one name left on the list. Jericho paused for a moment, staring at the 30th name on the list intently.

Chris Jericho: And as for you, Samoa Joe... you've taken my spot. I guess Stone Cold Steve Austin must have liked what you did to Bobby Roode. I'm actually looking forward to you entering the Royal Rumble at number 30, because by that point, I'll have been in the match for almost an hour. I proved when I faced AJ Styles at Fanniversary that I can last an hour and still come out on top, but when I've already done 96% of the work, of course you're going to welcome a helping hand crossing the finish line. That's where you come in, Joe. When you enter at number 30, you're going to have a big target on your back. Anyone I haven't managed to eliminate by the time you enter, they're going to turn their attention to you. And either they're going to eliminate you, or you're going to eliminate them. Either way, it gives me a chance to recuperate. And then, once the dust has settled, I will finish off the mammoth challenge that was set for me the moment Stone Cold decided he wanted to stack the odds against me. If that involves taking you out, Joe, then it would be my pleasure. If someone else does it for me... even better. But one way, or another, the number one entrant in this year's Royal Rumble will be the one getting his hand raised at the end. This is my night... and nobody is going to stand in my way!

Jericho crossed through Joe's name with added force, almost tearing the list as he did so. He then circled his own name and wrote the word "winner" next to it as the scene drew to a close.