Jabba Tit Goose
Posted: Mon Mar 06, 2017 6:45 pm
OOC: The start of something beautiful. Ty Juan.
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Warfare. In the metaphorical sense, bombs were about to set off. Verbal missiles launched. Figurative land mines stepped upon by an unsuspecting opponent in some guy named “JTG”.
Enzo Amore: Just Totally-Not a G. Ya boy is in for a couple of surprises tonight. From number 1 and number 2, Bada. BOOM.
Enzo put up his left fist, followed by his right, punching towards the camera as it backed out to get his entire frame into shot.
Enzo Amore: Enzo Amore, Certified G, and newly crowned Breakout Champ. Also Certified Sissy-Smacker taking over your tv screen. I’m about to give a showcase on why Jello-Toe-Gonzales doesn’t STAND a chance against me.
The sound of the doorknob getting turned followed by the screeching sound of the metal door swinging open.
“Oh Shit! This isn’t the bathroom?”
The camera panned out slowly to expose the hunk of all hunks, the man with the most savage sideburns ever crafted in a New York Suburban Barber Shop. Clad in a leather Jacket, wrestling tights and a fluorescent yellow bandana over his forehead, he clutched his gut, looking at Enzo Amore.
Trent: Please tell me there’s a bathroom in here.
Enzo stroked his manly goatee, before scratching at the back of his wild hair. This man intrigued him. But this was not the number 2 he wanted to bring out.
Enzo Amore: If you can find Jagged-tooth-guy’s gym bag in here, you may relieve yourself inside of it. If someone didn’t already beat you to it.
Enzo looked directly into the camera, Parks & Recreation style, before returning to the scene at hand.
Trent: Who do you take me for, Randy Orton? Who am I kidding, I bet he has his own golden crapper. Who in the hell is Jagged-Tooth-Guy? I… Need Just-To-Go!
Apparently other things were being imminently dropped that night backstage.
Trent: You seem like you’re getting ready for a match, my good sir! Is this man with poor dental hygiene your opponent? Because if you lead me to his gym bag…
Trent offered the man a smirk, before his gut cramped again, this time audibly. Like in Dolby Surround sound. Enzo made a face at the strange gurgling noise that emanated from the very deepest pits of his gut.
Enzo Amore: Do you have... Jumbled-Twisted-Gut syndrome?
Trent nodded slowly.
Trent: I had a Jambalaya-Taco-Gyro… And I think it Just-Turned-Gross. I don’t want to turn your focus off that opponent with Chipped teeth you’re facing.
Enzo Amore: If you give me one minute, I’ll teach you a thing or two about this Jive-Turkey-Grandpa.
Enzo suddenly broke into a shuffle, moving his feet extremely fast before coming to an abrupt stop.
Trent: Sick Moves, brother! If I shuffled like that though, I’d Just-Tarnish-Gonads.
He bobbed his head hard at Trent.
Enzo Amore: Jimmy-Two-Goof looks like he shits his pants in those tighty-whities he loves to show off. Maybe you should ask him for a pair to wear. Before I Jamaican-Turn-Grapefruit his face into the mat with a WICKED KICK and HARD FISTS to the face.
Trent: Well, if he had the same meal I had he stands no chance against you, my good man. I mean, that belt ain’t there around your waist not just to keep your pants in place. As Breakout champion, it is your duty to punch Jockstrap-Teenager-Groupie’s teeth down his throat!
Enzo Amore: If I do that then all he can eat is Jerky-Turkey-Gumbo. And soup is for sissy’s so he can sip on that cuppa WEAK FROM HIS BABY BED! Jericho’s-Testicle-Grabber will have to learn what it means to take a beating from the realest guy in the room. And ya CAN’T TEACH THAT!
Trent clapped a couple times before his stomach cramp made him uneasy again.
Trent: My gut tells me… Many things. It’s actually talking a lot of... Shit right now, but my gut tells me this Jamima-Thot-GeorgeWBush stands no chance against you… NOW LEAD ME TOWARDS HIS GYM BAG!
Both men walked off as the scene faded to black. If there was a sunset, they’d be walking towards it. You can still picture it in your mind.
Trent: I feel like this is the start of something Cool, Enzo.
Enzo Amore: I forgot your name bro, but... cool.
Scene fades to black.
-------------------------------
Warfare. In the metaphorical sense, bombs were about to set off. Verbal missiles launched. Figurative land mines stepped upon by an unsuspecting opponent in some guy named “JTG”.
Enzo Amore: Just Totally-Not a G. Ya boy is in for a couple of surprises tonight. From number 1 and number 2, Bada. BOOM.
Enzo put up his left fist, followed by his right, punching towards the camera as it backed out to get his entire frame into shot.
Enzo Amore: Enzo Amore, Certified G, and newly crowned Breakout Champ. Also Certified Sissy-Smacker taking over your tv screen. I’m about to give a showcase on why Jello-Toe-Gonzales doesn’t STAND a chance against me.
The sound of the doorknob getting turned followed by the screeching sound of the metal door swinging open.
“Oh Shit! This isn’t the bathroom?”
The camera panned out slowly to expose the hunk of all hunks, the man with the most savage sideburns ever crafted in a New York Suburban Barber Shop. Clad in a leather Jacket, wrestling tights and a fluorescent yellow bandana over his forehead, he clutched his gut, looking at Enzo Amore.
Trent: Please tell me there’s a bathroom in here.
Enzo stroked his manly goatee, before scratching at the back of his wild hair. This man intrigued him. But this was not the number 2 he wanted to bring out.
Enzo Amore: If you can find Jagged-tooth-guy’s gym bag in here, you may relieve yourself inside of it. If someone didn’t already beat you to it.
Enzo looked directly into the camera, Parks & Recreation style, before returning to the scene at hand.
Trent: Who do you take me for, Randy Orton? Who am I kidding, I bet he has his own golden crapper. Who in the hell is Jagged-Tooth-Guy? I… Need Just-To-Go!
Apparently other things were being imminently dropped that night backstage.
Trent: You seem like you’re getting ready for a match, my good sir! Is this man with poor dental hygiene your opponent? Because if you lead me to his gym bag…
Trent offered the man a smirk, before his gut cramped again, this time audibly. Like in Dolby Surround sound. Enzo made a face at the strange gurgling noise that emanated from the very deepest pits of his gut.
Enzo Amore: Do you have... Jumbled-Twisted-Gut syndrome?
Trent nodded slowly.
Trent: I had a Jambalaya-Taco-Gyro… And I think it Just-Turned-Gross. I don’t want to turn your focus off that opponent with Chipped teeth you’re facing.
Enzo Amore: If you give me one minute, I’ll teach you a thing or two about this Jive-Turkey-Grandpa.
Enzo suddenly broke into a shuffle, moving his feet extremely fast before coming to an abrupt stop.
Trent: Sick Moves, brother! If I shuffled like that though, I’d Just-Tarnish-Gonads.
He bobbed his head hard at Trent.
Enzo Amore: Jimmy-Two-Goof looks like he shits his pants in those tighty-whities he loves to show off. Maybe you should ask him for a pair to wear. Before I Jamaican-Turn-Grapefruit his face into the mat with a WICKED KICK and HARD FISTS to the face.
Trent: Well, if he had the same meal I had he stands no chance against you, my good man. I mean, that belt ain’t there around your waist not just to keep your pants in place. As Breakout champion, it is your duty to punch Jockstrap-Teenager-Groupie’s teeth down his throat!
Enzo Amore: If I do that then all he can eat is Jerky-Turkey-Gumbo. And soup is for sissy’s so he can sip on that cuppa WEAK FROM HIS BABY BED! Jericho’s-Testicle-Grabber will have to learn what it means to take a beating from the realest guy in the room. And ya CAN’T TEACH THAT!
Trent clapped a couple times before his stomach cramp made him uneasy again.
Trent: My gut tells me… Many things. It’s actually talking a lot of... Shit right now, but my gut tells me this Jamima-Thot-GeorgeWBush stands no chance against you… NOW LEAD ME TOWARDS HIS GYM BAG!
Both men walked off as the scene faded to black. If there was a sunset, they’d be walking towards it. You can still picture it in your mind.
Trent: I feel like this is the start of something Cool, Enzo.
Enzo Amore: I forgot your name bro, but... cool.
Scene fades to black.