Don't Play Yourselves

[Kamden]

DETROIT, MICHIGAN…

The camera panned up from the fresh royal purple sneakers of The Certified G, Bonafide Stud, and Breakout Champion.

Enzo Amore: HOW YOU DOIN’!

Enzo bobbed his head forward towards the camera, and dusted off the leopard print blazer he wore. He adjusted the title belt around his waist, which helped hold up his baggy black pants. It appeared he was standing outside a local barber shop.

Enzo Amore: I am great, thank you for asking.

Enzo held his hands up with fingertips together, addressing the viewers.

Enzo Amore: There is a serious matter of business here tonight that I have chosen to partake in. In other words, I’m planning to school a bunch of SISSY BOYS and show them what happens when you’re NOTHING. BUT. S-A-W-F-T, SaaaAAAAAWFT! I can beat anybody from A to Z, from former President Obama to Little Jody on the Block to ya MAMA. THIS INCLUDES YOU TYLER BREEZE, YOU LADY BOY! If I have hurt any one’s feelings get then do this: keep your mouth shut BEFORE I TOM AND JERRY ON YOU AND SMACK THE BACK OF YOUR NECK! I will smack you so hard the nerves that help you see will get tangled and you will be cross-eyed. And then I will have to smack you again so you can see straight.

The spikey hair on Enzo’s head danced a bit from side to side as he pointed aggressively at the camera Uncle Sam style.

Enzo Amore: When I woke up this morning, I saw my reflection in the mirror and wanted to kiss myself. But I saw myself pointing back at me and said "Enzo, that's impossible". Then I said to myself, "Nothing is impossible, Enzo." And now, I am here in Detroit ready to kick some big booty judy, a fat maddie, some sawft-core ORANGE JULIUS TAIL! Anyone that crosses me crooked like the stripes on a zebra's ass can move like a cheetah and run to the other side of the tracks. I've got that DAB mentality. Destroy. All. Bitches. Jersey style. The only throwback you will witness tonight, D-Town, is winding my fist back so far that I smash someone's double chin and make heads roll. You could order a three-piece, dark meat legs and thigh with that. Because one wormy little sissy kid will be CRISPY FRIED AS FUCK. That ain't the Church's you wanna go to. Stay tuned, because you're all about to see how a real G works, and ya can't teach that. BADA BOOM!

Enzo busted out into a Jersey shuffle right there in front of the shop, moving his feet incredibly fast, before coming to an abrupt stop. He fluffed out his jacket and hoisted up his the championship around his waist, before throwing a salute to the camera and walking off down the street.