This Ain't a Walk in the [South] Park

[Kamden]

PITTSBURG!

Onto the screen stepped the Certified G, Sissy Smacking, one half of the dynamic dynamo duo of GTA, and EBWF Breakout Champion, Enzo Amore.

Enzo Amore: HOW YOU DOIN’?!

Enzo was wearing yellow parachute pants with all kinds of zippers, pockets, rivets and buttons. The ankles tucked into a pair of custom leopard print Jordans, and he wore a matching leopard print leather jacket. Around his waist, not just any belt- the EBWF Breakout championship. His hair was pulled tightly to the top of his head in some type of pony tail that stood straight up. He looked like a flashy convict, if there was such a thing.

Enzo Amore: The word on 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue is I face one of the biggest stars in wrestling today. And who might that be you ask? IF YOU HAVE TO ASK, THEN WHAT DOES THAT SAY!

He looked very seriously into the camera, and took a step closer.

Enzo Amore: Kenny Omega is one wild motherfucker, but I’m sad to say he’s one with girly hair. What’s with the curls, sissy boy? You shoulda left that in the other world you came from, back in Japan. Do you know what your head will be after our match tonight, Kenny? WATASHI NO! I WILL RIP IT OFF AND STICK IT ON A PIKE, ROLL IT UP IN SEAWEED AND FEED IT TO A MIDDLE CLASS SUBURBAN MOM, SUSHI STYLE! AND AFTER THAT, EVERYONE WATCHING WILL BE SCREAMING “OH MY GOD, HE KILLED KENNY!”

Enzo’s eyes bugged out of his head, and he took a deep breath in heavily.

Enzo Amore: I just remembered that the White House and 1600 Pennsylvania are in fact NOT in Pennsylvania. But fuck Donald Trump. I’m stickin’ with it. I will explain why Kenny Omega is the perfect name for a bullet boy like you, bro. No, it is not because you will bring me to my end. It’s because you won’t LAST two minutes in the ring with me. It’s because tonight will be the LAST time you will have all teeth in a straight line. It’s because the LAST thing I plan to do to you is a certified G tornado DDT into that mat, where I’ll get the one-two-three. I already slayed shark boy Finn Balor, what’s the next bullet in the chamber gonna hold for me? In this game of Russian Roulette, you just pulled the trigger on your own self, man. And there’s only one man known to be faster than a bullet in this company…

Enzo put a finger up as if to say the name, but instead pointed to the camera.

Enzo Amore: AND IT AIN’T YOU. BADA BOOM, REALEST GUY IN THE ROOM, OUT!

Enzo hit his chest a couple of times before walking out of the shot, where the scene faded out and ended.