The Destroyer- Handsome Edition.
Posted: Mon Aug 28, 2017 6:40 pm
The Miz had once again rebounded to come up with a huge win over Dean Ambrose to earn himself the right to compete for the EBWF Gateway Championship at the biggest party of the summer, Summerslam. Miz- seemed to be locked in on this opportunity, it was one that didn't come along often. Earning the Gateway Championship would be earning the right to cash that very title in at one of the 4 designated events for a chance to once again be the EBWF World Champion. To regain gold, The Miz would have to go through a pretty daunting opponent, as the current champion was none other than the "destroyer" Samoa Joe. Joe, was a unique talent in on the fact that he was near 300 pounds with the power of a heavyweight, with the agility and quickness of a cruiserweight. Miz certainly knew deep down that he would have his hands full, but surprise surprise.. he would be hesitant to admit that.
The scene opened up pool side at a hotel resort in Portland, Oregon. The pool was light blue with the sun beaming down off the water, which made for an extremely beautiful sight. There was a smattering of guests soaking in the sun, as the camera began to pan around. Finally it picked up on The Miz who was shirtless had a towel over his shoulder and rocked blue board shorts. Next to him was Mickie James who wore a light green two piece bikini. She also had a towel over her shoulder, and the couple both rocked expensive sunglasses. A couple of people whispered to each other as one of the EBWF's favorite new couples made their way to a spot near the water. They sat down on the white lawnchairs that were on the pool deck, and Miz broke the silence.
The Miz: You know some guys get a little bit of an extra lift in. Some guys do a hike, some guys chill with a glass of wine and focus. I'm a big believer than when there is a pool somewhere, you sit by it. Much like me.. it's really the best. Summerslam is just one day away, so what kind of person would I be, if I did not close out the Summer.. going into SUMMERslam, and not chill by a pool with my lovely lady.
Mickie James: Aw you think I'm lovely..
The Miz: Well duh!
Mickie James: Shucks..
The Miz smirked.
The Miz: Relaxing, creating that calm before the storm is a key to success Mickie. No need to write that down, just remember it. While my opponent Samoa Joe, is out sweating on people and throwing people out of line at a food truck somewhere. I'm getting some much needed R and R.. because tomorrow night Joe.. tomorrow night is going to be an absolute war. Tomorrow night is going to be a blood bath, tomorrow night I'm going to need every last bit of energy that I have to walk out of Portland the EBWF Gateway Champion. Now I know what you're thinking.. "wow Miz is admitting that it's going to be a tough fight." To that I say... PFFT..
Mickie James: PFFT!
The Miz: PFFT!
Mickie James: PFFT!
The Miz: No Joe.. no don't misunderstand... I'm going to leave you in a bath of your own blood, feeling like you've been to war.. and it's going to take all of my energy to give you the full beating that you deserve. Sure I could win this match quick, but that's not what my Mizfits want.. and quite frankly they deserve better. Two weeks ago.. I did my impression of the rest of the EBWF when I lost to PJ Black.. and people thought.. "shit maybe Miz just doesn't have it anymore.. maybe this new nice guy Miz.. kinda sucks.. maybe the old Miz should come back to the phone."
Mickie James: God that new Taylor Swift song sucks...
The Miz: Awful..
Miz paused losing his train of thought for a second.. but then quickly remembering it.
The Miz: Then last week when I defeated Dean Ambrose.. everyone was like.. "ohhh right.. no.. he's awesome." Which I am.. I really am. So facing Samoa Joe at Summerslam is going to be just further proof of the fact that I'm really just pretty god damn amazing at this whole wrestling thing. I love facing guys like Joe.. like dude.. you make a ton of money.. you're pretty athletically gifted for a tubbo.. smile for god sakes. Why so serious big guy? Like can't you just see Samoa Joe like in line at McDonalds and the McFlurry machine is out of order, so he just starts like punching people in the face? Like bro.. just go to the gas station and get a pint of Ben and Jerry's like the rest of us.. ITS NOT THAT BIG A DEAL. Life is too short to act like you want to go on a killing spree all the time. I mean I guess having that mentality in our business can win you some matches, but boy oh boy how NOT fun is this guy at like the Holiday parties? "WHAT THE HELL I HATE EGG NOG.. SHOVE THIS EGG NOG UP YOUR ASS... EFF THIS STOCKING.. NOT A CREATURE WAS STIRRING NOT EVEN A MOUSE.. BECAUSE I ATE HIM."
Mickie giggled.
The Miz: I just can't relate to that.. because you see Mickie, I'm positive.. all the mean and negative.. and grrr... like that doesn't get in the way of my positive world.. I'm positive.. I'm positive that at EBWF Summerslam, I'm walking out with the EBWF Gateway Championship- I'm positive that I will then use said championship to regain the EBWF Title- I'm positive that after the match is over.. Samoa Joe is probably going to tip over a wheelchair or punch a baby.. and I'm positive that life as he knows it in the EBWF is not going to ever be the same. The thing about a guy like Joe, Mickie, is that he has this stigma around him. He has this mystique.. and I've talked about this before.. but people look at him as someone who is a force. They look at him as a fighting machine. So if this machine starts to malfunction.. and he starts to get his ass kicked by someone like.. oh I don't know.. this beautiful bastard in front of you right now.. then people start to look at him like.. why the hell do we care about this guy? He knocked over my nachos for no reason.. AND he can't even win matches? Well eff him. Because you see if Joe is losing matches, if he isn't getting it done where it counts... well then he's just another angry bowling ball of a man, that needs to be thrown down the lane of mediocrity into the "I suck at everything" pins.
Mickie James: That was beautiful.
The Miz smirked.
The Miz: Thanks babe.. but yeah.. Joe is literally only fueled by the idea that he's someone to fear. The whole Joe thing doesn't work at all if he's being planted face first into the mat, like he's going to be tomorrow. The whole Joe thing doesn't work, if he's being physically, mentally,.. umm.. emotionally.. and any other "ALY" that you can think of- dominated by his opponent.. LIKE he's going to be tomorrow. This whole Joe thing doesn't work if he gets embarrassed en route to losing his gold.. LIKE he's going to be tomorrow. I'm not really into parity Mickie.. I don't need there to be new guys having their day in the sun.. That's why I decided to soak all the sun up today, and that's exactly why, any shine.. or spotlight that Joe is hoping to experience tomorrow.. I'm taking that too. I don't think it's cool, or fun, or exciting to have this new wave of EBWF talent come in and have success. We've had plenty of people over the years come and go. A lot of them have had the same amount of hype and fanfare that Joe has gotten. "WOOO HOO It's JOE... It's The Destroyer.." Then in like 5 months... "Woo.. Joe.. he's kinda good." Then in like another 3 months.. "My uncle's name is Joe... what were we talking about?" There's no longevity if you have no personality. There's no longevity if there's no consistency. Say what you want about me.. and you will try.. if your brain can come up with anything except "Fee Fii Foo Fum." but the one thing I have been for my entire career is consistent. The one thing I've always had is personality, I've always had charisma.. I've always captivated with the way that I perform. People have booed me, and they've cheered me.. but they've always been interested in what I was going to do next.. because they just never knew what THAT was. Fortunately for them, I'm going to give them a little bit of spoilers for the match tomorrow night. What I'm going to do.. without a doubt.. is beat Samoa Joe into a puddle of Wendy's and Taco Bell goop.. and I'm going to become the EBWF Gateway Champion. Hash tag Facts.
Mickie James: Oooh I want Taco Bell.
The Miz: Later babe.
Mickie James: Sweet!
She smiled like a little kid who had just gotten her way. Miz smiled and shook his head.
The Miz: Samoa Joe actually really bothers me the more I talk about him Mick, like he really really does. I'm not really sure why all the notoriety for a guy like this. I mean he's not quite on the level of like a Roman Reigns or someone like that, but man oh man.. like talk about someone who's head looks like it hurts trying to come up with something to say. He literally looks like the ugly awkward kid, trying to ask the hot girl to prom. Which I mean would be fine.. except he's like that about everything. Maybe that's why he's so angry all the time. Or maybe it's something else..
Mickie James: Maybe it is SOME..THING.. ELSE.
Mickie held up her pinky.
The Miz: Is that it Joe?
Mickie James: Wait to be clear- we're saying he's mad because he has a small wiener right?
The Miz sighed.
The Miz: Yes- we are saying he's mad because he has a small wiener.
Mickie James: Hah! wiener.
The Miz smirked again.
The Miz: I mean if it's not that, then what Joe? Here's the good news- tomorrow night I'm going to give you something to be upset about. Tomorrow night Joe- I'm going to give you something to be mad about.. because tomorrow night Joe.. I AM GOING TO EXPOSE YOU. Tomorrow night Joe- I AM GOING TO DECIMATE YOU- and I'm going to take away the Gateway title from you, Joe. I'm going to take away your chance to be this companies World Champion- because it's a chance that you DO NOT DESERVE. Joe it's real simple my man, there are some guys that just don't have what it takes to be the World Champion in a company like the EBWF. You're one of those guys Joe.. so when you think about it.. I'm really doing you a big favor.. because as long as you have the Gateway Championship- you have the hope of one day being the guy. You have be a strong guy Joe, but you aren't strong enough to carry this company. You may be a big guy, Joe.. but you aren't big enough to stand above the rest of the locker room.. you may be tough, Joe.. but you aren't tough enough.. nor do you have what it takes to have that target on your back. So what I'm going to do for you Joe.. is save you THAT embarrassment.. by well by EMBARRASSING you tomorrow night at Summerslam. Better now than later Joe- at least this way you can find out where you stand right this second. At least this way, Joe, you can be woken up by the reality that you just aren't as big and bad as you, and everyone else, thinks you are. At least this way you can experience first hand, what true excellence, what true talent, what a true CHAMPION looks like. See you tomorrow night big guy.. I'll be the guy beating your fat ass all around Portland.
The Miz winked into the camera snuck a peck into Mickie, and laid back to soak in some rays at the scene faded to black.
The scene reopened backstage at Summerslam. A couple of fighters just came back through the curtain after one of the events dark matches. The camera cut back to the arena, where backstage was being shown on the tron. Into the scene walked The Miz. He was wearing a gray suit, with his hair slicked all the way around. Mickie was on his arm, wearing a white tank top and blue jeans. The crowd cheered when they saw Miz and Mickie. This put a small confident smile on Miz' face.
The Miz: Say what you want Mickie, but Oregon has EXCELLENT freaking taste. What's up Mizfits!
The crowd cheered.
The Miz: As you can see- we are backstage- just moments before Summerslam.. and I'm feeling FAN..GOD DAMN TASTIC. The reason is.. because.. aside from looking good.. being with a beautiful gal.. and being here at the biggest part of the summer. I am just a mere hour away, from stepping into that ring Portland.. and just doing Miz things. Which means you are all an hour away from MIZ... BEING.. MIZ.. and that means walking down that ramp, into that ring.. and getting THE JOB DONE!
More cheers.
The Miz: Samoa Joe- stands in my way tonight- but it just wouldn't matter if it was Samoa Joe, Joe Cool, or even Joe Di freaking Magio.. there's not one guy on planet earth, that would be able to keep me from walking out tonight as THE NEW EBWF GATEWAY CHAMPION.. NOT ONE! The facts of the situation are simple, Portland, tonight The Miz shows why his head is still FIT FOR THE CROWN AROUND HERE! It's been way too god damn long.. WAYYYY to goddd damn long.. since there has been gold around this BEAUTIFUL WAIST- that- quite simply ends.. TOOOOO night!
The crowd was really starting to get fired up.
The Miz: Samoa Joe- just incase you've forgotten who it is you're facing tonight. Let me remind you. My name is Mike Mizanin- you can call me The Miz. I'm the greatest of the great..the cream of the crop.. the superest of superstars.. YOUR FAVORITE WRESTLER'S...
Crowd: FAVORITE WRESTLER.
The Miz: And tonight I'm the guy that's going to show you what the next level looks like. Tonight I'm the guy, Joe, that's going to show you what ELITE looks like.. and I'm going to help you realize that you will NEVER be EITHER ONE.. and tonight I'm going to see to it Joe.. that you will ALSO NEVER get your greasy hands on EBWF Gold ever again.. tonight Joe.. you're not the destroyer... I. AM.
BECAUSE I'MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM THEEEEEE MIZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
ANNNNNNNND I'MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
AWEEEEESOMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
The crowd yelled "Awesome" with him- and erupted in cheers. As Miz smiled and the tron cut off. Summerslam was set to begin!
The scene opened up pool side at a hotel resort in Portland, Oregon. The pool was light blue with the sun beaming down off the water, which made for an extremely beautiful sight. There was a smattering of guests soaking in the sun, as the camera began to pan around. Finally it picked up on The Miz who was shirtless had a towel over his shoulder and rocked blue board shorts. Next to him was Mickie James who wore a light green two piece bikini. She also had a towel over her shoulder, and the couple both rocked expensive sunglasses. A couple of people whispered to each other as one of the EBWF's favorite new couples made their way to a spot near the water. They sat down on the white lawnchairs that were on the pool deck, and Miz broke the silence.
The Miz: You know some guys get a little bit of an extra lift in. Some guys do a hike, some guys chill with a glass of wine and focus. I'm a big believer than when there is a pool somewhere, you sit by it. Much like me.. it's really the best. Summerslam is just one day away, so what kind of person would I be, if I did not close out the Summer.. going into SUMMERslam, and not chill by a pool with my lovely lady.
Mickie James: Aw you think I'm lovely..
The Miz: Well duh!
Mickie James: Shucks..
The Miz smirked.
The Miz: Relaxing, creating that calm before the storm is a key to success Mickie. No need to write that down, just remember it. While my opponent Samoa Joe, is out sweating on people and throwing people out of line at a food truck somewhere. I'm getting some much needed R and R.. because tomorrow night Joe.. tomorrow night is going to be an absolute war. Tomorrow night is going to be a blood bath, tomorrow night I'm going to need every last bit of energy that I have to walk out of Portland the EBWF Gateway Champion. Now I know what you're thinking.. "wow Miz is admitting that it's going to be a tough fight." To that I say... PFFT..
Mickie James: PFFT!
The Miz: PFFT!
Mickie James: PFFT!
The Miz: No Joe.. no don't misunderstand... I'm going to leave you in a bath of your own blood, feeling like you've been to war.. and it's going to take all of my energy to give you the full beating that you deserve. Sure I could win this match quick, but that's not what my Mizfits want.. and quite frankly they deserve better. Two weeks ago.. I did my impression of the rest of the EBWF when I lost to PJ Black.. and people thought.. "shit maybe Miz just doesn't have it anymore.. maybe this new nice guy Miz.. kinda sucks.. maybe the old Miz should come back to the phone."
Mickie James: God that new Taylor Swift song sucks...
The Miz: Awful..
Miz paused losing his train of thought for a second.. but then quickly remembering it.
The Miz: Then last week when I defeated Dean Ambrose.. everyone was like.. "ohhh right.. no.. he's awesome." Which I am.. I really am. So facing Samoa Joe at Summerslam is going to be just further proof of the fact that I'm really just pretty god damn amazing at this whole wrestling thing. I love facing guys like Joe.. like dude.. you make a ton of money.. you're pretty athletically gifted for a tubbo.. smile for god sakes. Why so serious big guy? Like can't you just see Samoa Joe like in line at McDonalds and the McFlurry machine is out of order, so he just starts like punching people in the face? Like bro.. just go to the gas station and get a pint of Ben and Jerry's like the rest of us.. ITS NOT THAT BIG A DEAL. Life is too short to act like you want to go on a killing spree all the time. I mean I guess having that mentality in our business can win you some matches, but boy oh boy how NOT fun is this guy at like the Holiday parties? "WHAT THE HELL I HATE EGG NOG.. SHOVE THIS EGG NOG UP YOUR ASS... EFF THIS STOCKING.. NOT A CREATURE WAS STIRRING NOT EVEN A MOUSE.. BECAUSE I ATE HIM."
Mickie giggled.
The Miz: I just can't relate to that.. because you see Mickie, I'm positive.. all the mean and negative.. and grrr... like that doesn't get in the way of my positive world.. I'm positive.. I'm positive that at EBWF Summerslam, I'm walking out with the EBWF Gateway Championship- I'm positive that I will then use said championship to regain the EBWF Title- I'm positive that after the match is over.. Samoa Joe is probably going to tip over a wheelchair or punch a baby.. and I'm positive that life as he knows it in the EBWF is not going to ever be the same. The thing about a guy like Joe, Mickie, is that he has this stigma around him. He has this mystique.. and I've talked about this before.. but people look at him as someone who is a force. They look at him as a fighting machine. So if this machine starts to malfunction.. and he starts to get his ass kicked by someone like.. oh I don't know.. this beautiful bastard in front of you right now.. then people start to look at him like.. why the hell do we care about this guy? He knocked over my nachos for no reason.. AND he can't even win matches? Well eff him. Because you see if Joe is losing matches, if he isn't getting it done where it counts... well then he's just another angry bowling ball of a man, that needs to be thrown down the lane of mediocrity into the "I suck at everything" pins.
Mickie James: That was beautiful.
The Miz smirked.
The Miz: Thanks babe.. but yeah.. Joe is literally only fueled by the idea that he's someone to fear. The whole Joe thing doesn't work at all if he's being planted face first into the mat, like he's going to be tomorrow. The whole Joe thing doesn't work, if he's being physically, mentally,.. umm.. emotionally.. and any other "ALY" that you can think of- dominated by his opponent.. LIKE he's going to be tomorrow. This whole Joe thing doesn't work if he gets embarrassed en route to losing his gold.. LIKE he's going to be tomorrow. I'm not really into parity Mickie.. I don't need there to be new guys having their day in the sun.. That's why I decided to soak all the sun up today, and that's exactly why, any shine.. or spotlight that Joe is hoping to experience tomorrow.. I'm taking that too. I don't think it's cool, or fun, or exciting to have this new wave of EBWF talent come in and have success. We've had plenty of people over the years come and go. A lot of them have had the same amount of hype and fanfare that Joe has gotten. "WOOO HOO It's JOE... It's The Destroyer.." Then in like 5 months... "Woo.. Joe.. he's kinda good." Then in like another 3 months.. "My uncle's name is Joe... what were we talking about?" There's no longevity if you have no personality. There's no longevity if there's no consistency. Say what you want about me.. and you will try.. if your brain can come up with anything except "Fee Fii Foo Fum." but the one thing I have been for my entire career is consistent. The one thing I've always had is personality, I've always had charisma.. I've always captivated with the way that I perform. People have booed me, and they've cheered me.. but they've always been interested in what I was going to do next.. because they just never knew what THAT was. Fortunately for them, I'm going to give them a little bit of spoilers for the match tomorrow night. What I'm going to do.. without a doubt.. is beat Samoa Joe into a puddle of Wendy's and Taco Bell goop.. and I'm going to become the EBWF Gateway Champion. Hash tag Facts.
Mickie James: Oooh I want Taco Bell.
The Miz: Later babe.
Mickie James: Sweet!
She smiled like a little kid who had just gotten her way. Miz smiled and shook his head.
The Miz: Samoa Joe actually really bothers me the more I talk about him Mick, like he really really does. I'm not really sure why all the notoriety for a guy like this. I mean he's not quite on the level of like a Roman Reigns or someone like that, but man oh man.. like talk about someone who's head looks like it hurts trying to come up with something to say. He literally looks like the ugly awkward kid, trying to ask the hot girl to prom. Which I mean would be fine.. except he's like that about everything. Maybe that's why he's so angry all the time. Or maybe it's something else..
Mickie James: Maybe it is SOME..THING.. ELSE.
Mickie held up her pinky.
The Miz: Is that it Joe?
Mickie James: Wait to be clear- we're saying he's mad because he has a small wiener right?
The Miz sighed.
The Miz: Yes- we are saying he's mad because he has a small wiener.
Mickie James: Hah! wiener.
The Miz smirked again.
The Miz: I mean if it's not that, then what Joe? Here's the good news- tomorrow night I'm going to give you something to be upset about. Tomorrow night Joe- I'm going to give you something to be mad about.. because tomorrow night Joe.. I AM GOING TO EXPOSE YOU. Tomorrow night Joe- I AM GOING TO DECIMATE YOU- and I'm going to take away the Gateway title from you, Joe. I'm going to take away your chance to be this companies World Champion- because it's a chance that you DO NOT DESERVE. Joe it's real simple my man, there are some guys that just don't have what it takes to be the World Champion in a company like the EBWF. You're one of those guys Joe.. so when you think about it.. I'm really doing you a big favor.. because as long as you have the Gateway Championship- you have the hope of one day being the guy. You have be a strong guy Joe, but you aren't strong enough to carry this company. You may be a big guy, Joe.. but you aren't big enough to stand above the rest of the locker room.. you may be tough, Joe.. but you aren't tough enough.. nor do you have what it takes to have that target on your back. So what I'm going to do for you Joe.. is save you THAT embarrassment.. by well by EMBARRASSING you tomorrow night at Summerslam. Better now than later Joe- at least this way you can find out where you stand right this second. At least this way, Joe, you can be woken up by the reality that you just aren't as big and bad as you, and everyone else, thinks you are. At least this way you can experience first hand, what true excellence, what true talent, what a true CHAMPION looks like. See you tomorrow night big guy.. I'll be the guy beating your fat ass all around Portland.
The Miz winked into the camera snuck a peck into Mickie, and laid back to soak in some rays at the scene faded to black.
The scene reopened backstage at Summerslam. A couple of fighters just came back through the curtain after one of the events dark matches. The camera cut back to the arena, where backstage was being shown on the tron. Into the scene walked The Miz. He was wearing a gray suit, with his hair slicked all the way around. Mickie was on his arm, wearing a white tank top and blue jeans. The crowd cheered when they saw Miz and Mickie. This put a small confident smile on Miz' face.
The Miz: Say what you want Mickie, but Oregon has EXCELLENT freaking taste. What's up Mizfits!
The crowd cheered.
The Miz: As you can see- we are backstage- just moments before Summerslam.. and I'm feeling FAN..GOD DAMN TASTIC. The reason is.. because.. aside from looking good.. being with a beautiful gal.. and being here at the biggest part of the summer. I am just a mere hour away, from stepping into that ring Portland.. and just doing Miz things. Which means you are all an hour away from MIZ... BEING.. MIZ.. and that means walking down that ramp, into that ring.. and getting THE JOB DONE!
More cheers.
The Miz: Samoa Joe- stands in my way tonight- but it just wouldn't matter if it was Samoa Joe, Joe Cool, or even Joe Di freaking Magio.. there's not one guy on planet earth, that would be able to keep me from walking out tonight as THE NEW EBWF GATEWAY CHAMPION.. NOT ONE! The facts of the situation are simple, Portland, tonight The Miz shows why his head is still FIT FOR THE CROWN AROUND HERE! It's been way too god damn long.. WAYYYY to goddd damn long.. since there has been gold around this BEAUTIFUL WAIST- that- quite simply ends.. TOOOOO night!
The crowd was really starting to get fired up.
The Miz: Samoa Joe- just incase you've forgotten who it is you're facing tonight. Let me remind you. My name is Mike Mizanin- you can call me The Miz. I'm the greatest of the great..the cream of the crop.. the superest of superstars.. YOUR FAVORITE WRESTLER'S...
Crowd: FAVORITE WRESTLER.
The Miz: And tonight I'm the guy that's going to show you what the next level looks like. Tonight I'm the guy, Joe, that's going to show you what ELITE looks like.. and I'm going to help you realize that you will NEVER be EITHER ONE.. and tonight I'm going to see to it Joe.. that you will ALSO NEVER get your greasy hands on EBWF Gold ever again.. tonight Joe.. you're not the destroyer... I. AM.
BECAUSE I'MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM THEEEEEE MIZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
ANNNNNNNND I'MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
AWEEEEESOMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
The crowd yelled "Awesome" with him- and erupted in cheers. As Miz smiled and the tron cut off. Summerslam was set to begin!