TUH.

[Kamden]

OOC: If you're here for the pop/rap/hip-hop culture references, I've got them. Ty for reading.
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DAMN. Sasha Banks was back at it again, this time hoping to snatch back the women’s title from the woman she lost it to: Natalya. Since that unfortunate night The Head BOSS in Charge lost the championship, the clearest showcase of dominance once more had been through the Queen of the Ring tournament, which lead her to this very spot on the evening of Summerslam. However, as duly noted by Renee Young several days ago, the BOSS had not displayed her typical demeanor in such a situation. Some may even say she was quiet. But if anyone knew something about anything, it’s that you don’t take a lady’s meekness as a weakness. In other words, don’t mistake a BOSS being on the down-low as being down and out.

Over the course of her EBWF career, BOSSton’s Baddest made an effort to acquaint herself with some of rap and hip-hop's greatest. It didn’t always work out. But Sasha didn’t need to associate herself with the negative energy that people like Marshall Mathers (She no longer called him Eminem, he didn’t deserve a stage name) or Kanye West. Haters had no place in Sasha’s life. Instead, she found herself becoming increasingly cozy with the likes of Rick Ross, DJ Khaled, and more recently, Kendrick Lamar. Much like Kung Fu Kenny, Banks spent her time on the DL learning from these icons. After recounting the rather infamous moments of the strong rivalry between Natalya and Liv Morgan, one could say Sasha came across several Major Key Alerts. With confidence-- not cockiness, Sasha could say she had the keys to success to defeat her opponent and become three time women’s champ. Sasha would be sure to invite DJ Khaled to Summerslam, front row, just so he could look Natalya in the face and tell her “CONGRATULATIONS: You played yourself.”

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FAMILY.

Rewind. A black Lincoln Town Car pulled up into a familiar driveway. The driver stepped out, opened the door to the rear passenger seat, and nodded to Sasha as she stepped out of the vehicle. On her gold iPhone 7 plus, Sasha quickly tapped on the screen, sending a text. Once her phone dinged with a response, she made her way around the corner to a garage with the door all the way up. A blue sign inside read “The Doggfather”. The Legendary Snoop Dogg was sitting in a metal fold up chair, simply kickin’ it. He had a red solo cup in his hand and a cigar in the other.

Snoop Dogg: What it do?

In his voice that was as smooth as the juice he was sipping on in his cup, the Doggfather greeted his relative. Sasha smiled and gave Snoop a hug as he stood up. He held his cup up as she sat down in a chair beside him.

Snoop Dogg: I got the juice, cuz.

Sasha Banks: That’s not how they say it, though.

Snoop shrugged and took a brief drag off his cigar, the smoke circling up into the air. He held it out to Sasha, who declined.

Snoop Dogg: All business as usual. You remind me of Diddy.

He pointed with his cigar towards the wall to their left, covered in several photos of himself with various friends. Diddy was with him in a fedora in one of the photos. It was clearly older, since no self-respecting man rocks a fedora anymore.

Snoop Dogg: Pharrell is the only man on this earth who can still wear a fedora. The dude is suave as fuck with that thing on. It’s probably as deep as a 50 gallon barrel, but he rocks it.

Sasha Banks: You know his track Workin’, right? “Don’t bother me, I’m workin’...”

Snoop Dogg: For shizzle. You know I do. That’s why you ain’t beeped me in a minute.

Sasha Banks: I’m workin’.

Snoop nodded and took a sip of his juice, and another puff of his cigar.

Sasha Banks: I see you got another one with Big Boi now, too. I still need to meet him.

Snoop Dogg: The man’s a genius. I’m glad I got to work with him on that new album. Real shit right there. Tell you what, you hook me up with DJ Khaled, I hook you up with Big Boi and send you on down to Stankonia.

Sasha Banks: Deal.

Snoop Dogg: So we still doin’ this live video or what?

Sasha Banks: Bet. Unless you had a different plan.

Sasha swiped to unlock her phone, opening the Facebook app to set up a live video. Snoop placed his cigar down in the ashtray on the concrete floor, holding out his hand to take Sasha’s phone. Sasha simply looked at him, and laughed.

Sasha Banks: You think you’re holding this phone, recording this video? Your angles are so bad.

Snoop Dogg: I’m offended. That last video I made it was late. I was high as fuck. Had my durag and glasses on and everything. I was in BED when I recorded that. That’s talent. When Kanye is on some bullshit, I’m on some bullshit. I thought you’d appreciate a video callin’ out that sucka since ya’ll have beef. Know what I’m sayin’?
Sasha Banks: Umm… The angle was still bad though, so you can just pull your chair up next to me, and I’m holding the phone. This is on my account anyway. I can’t have my rep hanging in the balance with your weird selfie angle.

Snoop “tuh’d” in an ironically similar manner to the way Sasha would, and stood up to scoot his chair next to Sasha’s. She held up her phone horizontally to capture both their faces in the screen, and she hit the button to go live.

Sasha Banks: Smile for the cameraaaa!

Snoop forced a fake smile and went stone cold for the viewers.

Sasha Banks: So here I am, in the Dogg House, paying a visit to someone who has been really important in my life. To some of you he’s just a rapper. An icon. A legend. But to me, he’s family. He’s someone I can always come to for advice, and in a lot of ways he’s been a mentor to me.

Snoop held up his cup to that.

Sasha Banks: One thing my opponent chooses to forget is where she comes from. Who helped make her who she is today. Natty says she disowned the Hart name, but if you take that essence away from her, she won’t have anything left. No moves, no name, no career, no existence. It’s messed up to think you can just ditch the people who helped you along the way. Snoop basically helped make Sasha Banks. My persona. Summer and Eva have been my ride or dies since day 1. You threw away your only friend and now you wanna ditch your family too. You don’t have LOYALTY, Nat. And we call people like you one thing where I come from in Boston. The place that I started and can’t just forget boo boo. You’re fake.

Snoop cleared his throat.

Snoop Dogg: Matter of fact, there’s way more songs about family than there are about bein’ alone. Probably ‘cuz that’s some sad ass shit and people be killin’ themselves after listenin’ to that type of music. You have to surround yourself with positivity. You don’t got nothin’ surroundin’ you girl, except some stank ass attitude. Somebody tell that woman to sit down. Be humble. Shit.

Sasha Banks: Snoop… This is live. There’s kids watchin’.

Snoop Dogg: Like Kung Fu Kenny said, I don’t give a fuck. I don’t give a fuck. I don’t give a I don’t give a--

Sasha Banks: SWERVE. We get it.

Snoop Dogg: I’ma just go on Insta or Twitter and make my own video over this anyway, so it’s all good cuz. Please, continue.

Sasha Banks: If I gotta slap a big nose, big headed chick like you just to show you what having family means to me, bet I’ll do it boo boo.

Snoop Dogg: Hold up Sasha, you got a lot of comments already askin’ some questions. Look…

Snoop pointed at the screen, squinting to read the tiny font that appeared by the second from fans viewing the video.

Snoop Dogg: “When will we get another Mean Girls Reunion”. That ain’t specific enough. Are we talkin’ Regina George Mean Girls or EBWF Mean Girls? Next…

Snoop swiped his finger down the screen and stopped at another question.

Sasha Banks: “Do you feel you’ve got the win over Natty this time?”

Sasha looked to Snoop then back at the screen.

Sasha Banks: For shizzle…

Snoop Dogg: Since you’re stealin’ my words, I’m picking the next question… “What do you think of the new natty”?

Sasha Banks: New Natty? People love to put the word new in front of something and think it changes everything. This ain’t the “new” Natty, this is the same old one just showin’ who she really is. I first met her when I was 17, thanks to Snoop… I even got a picture with her. But the money, the fame, it gets to some people’s heads. I never trusted someone who tried to be bougie when they ain’t. Look at all the people who tried it in this company. Alexa Bliss. Michelle McCool. Brie Bella. And now Natalya. You ask me if I’m ready? Let me give you a little taste of what’s to come boo boo. I’ll slap the taste out your mouth with a couple of hundreds, since that’s what you seem to be into these days.

Snoop Dogg: And you can Bank on that, bitches. Real talk. Doggfather and Head BOSS In Charge, OUT!

With no warning, Snoop ended the live video. Sasha gasped and shook her head, clearly offended.

Sasha Banks: What the?!

Snoop Dogg: You talk too much. Save it for another day, know what I’m sayin’?

Sasha looked down at her phone and continued observing the stream of comments that came up after the stream ended. Despite the end of the live video, she knew this wouldn’t be the end of the road for taking down her opponent. As another rap legend said… On to the next one.

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FRIENDS.

How did you get this interview on such short notice?

I’ve got the plug.

I don’t think that’s how you use that… but I get you.

Enter the Mean Girls. Friends. Allies. Ride or Dies. An unbreakable force.

Eva Marie: Ever since #CorEva started trending again after that rumor mysteriously came up that him and I were dating, he felt obligated to do me the favor.

Summer Rae: Well it’s good timing, whatever the reason.

Sasha Banks: Too bad for Nat.

The trio had been walking down the hall towards their destination, but came to an abrupt stop together. They moved together and stopped together, completely in sync. They all laughed loudly, until they were approached by Corey.

Corey Graves: You’re late.

Sasha Banks: No… We’re the Mean Girls. Try again.

Summer pointed a finger at Corey to follow up.

Summer Rae: We’re fashionably late.

Eva held up a hand to motion back and forth between Cory and herself.

Eva Marie: We’re allegedly dating. You approaching us like this is not a good look.

Corey sighed and held up the hand which held his cue card, trying to deescalate the situation.

Corey Graves: No need for trouble, ladies. I’m just here to do my job.

Summer Rae: Then let’s do this already.

Corey Graves: Sasha, tonight you’ll have on opportunity to regain the women’s title that you lost to Natalya months ago. Some have said this is your chance for retribution. Do you agree?

The Mean Girls took turns looking at each other, silently consulting as a group before Sasha responded.

Sasha Banks: If big words is what turns you on Corey, then okay. Tuh. I see this as a chance to slap Natty back to reality. Someone she got one over on Liv Morgan. It probably has to do with all the money she chooses to show off now, but if she knows what’s good for her she’ll put those Ben Franklin’s where her mouth is, tuck her ugly kitty’s tail between her legs, and save herself before she gets embarrassed.

Corey Graves: Actually, it’s “tuck her tail between her legs”.

Summer Rae: Actually, you’re being kind of rude.

Eva Marie: Rude doesn’t suit you, Corey. Don’t do that.

Sasha Banks: So actually, mind your own business and do your job boo boo.

Summer and Sasha shared equally offended glares at Corey, while Eva shrugged and looked unbothered.

Sasha Banks: Here’s how it’s gonna go. Natty’s gonna say she’s better than me. More cultured. That I’m some thuggish hood rat. That’s ok. I’ll bring her hood rat. I’ll bring her thuggish. I don’t know what’s cultured about being a middle-aged white woman with a cat fetish, but I’d rather not know.

Summer Rae: At the end of the night, Natty can go home to her big house in her expensive car with her spoiled kittens and big-time husband, but she’ll never know what it’s like to be a boss going back to celebrate with her besties.

Eva Marie: Money doesn’t buy happiness. Trust me. I would know, Corey.

Sasha Banks: Thanks for this little interview, Corey.

Summer Rae: Byeeeee.

Exit the Mean Girls. One by one, each lady left the scene, with Eva lagging behind. She made sure to flip her hair into Cory’s face on purpose. He simply shook his head and looked at the camera silently for a few seconds, before walking off.

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LOYALTY.

Summerslam. What a time to be alive, like Drake and Future said. What a bad time it would be for Natty, since Sasha planned to snatch her bald, take her title, and leave her with nothing but her first name. She’d probably think “What a time to be dead” or something less dramatic. It didn’t matter what Natty thought. Sasha wasn’t worried about getting IN Natty’s head. She wanted to get on it. With that said, the BOSS wanted to give it one last go in front of the camera to let the world know just how she felt.

Sasha Banks: Natty, boo, you could have all the things in the world that I don’t, but none of that’s worth a penny run over by a train if you don’t have loyalty. If you don’t show loyalty to anyone, you have no one. If you don’t have anyone’s loyal to you, what do you really have? Yourself? You don’t even have you! You’re flexin’, claimin’ to be someone you’re not with this “I’m a queen” and “I’m better than you” business. What happens when you lose that title, the only thing that gives you any relevance these days? You won’t have a thing to say for yourself. I’ve stayed loyal to my hometown, BoSSton. I’ve stayed loyal to my fans but you’ve turned your back on yours. I’ve got my friends and my family behind me. You’ve got some bitterness behind you and your words and that’s all you’ll get back from everyone you chose to leave behind.

If there’s anything I learned from you these days, it’s that I should try to be more humble. But now it’s your turn to sit down. The reason you got me last time is the reason I’ll get you this time. When people look back on it, they’ll see I did it like a BOSS… And you can bank on that, Nat.
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[Jayme]

Sit down, bitch, be Humble! AHHHHH I loved all of this!