(A surf-rock style guitar slide leads into a peppy theme song)

Soundtrack: In the not-so-distant future, next Monday A.D, there was a Party Peacock, friend to you and me. He was wrestling for Eee Bee Double Yew Eff, suplexing fools and cashing checks. He returned at the Rumble and made a splash, that's why the bookers put him into a Gateway Championship match.

Dalton: Ooo, so shiny!

Soundtrack: He'll have to fight Jeff Hardy, and Michael Mizanin. So now he's watching tapes, to make sure that he wins. Now keep in mind Dalton can't control who he's booked to fight and when. But now he's gonna form a strategy with the help of his robot friends.

ROBOT ROLL CALL!

CAMBOT!

Cameraman: Ummm, my name is Steve?

GYPSY!

Romani Villager: You know, that's sort of a slur.

MR. SOCKO!

Mick Foley: And me too!

Dalton: NO LINES!

BRAAAAAAAUUUUUUUN!

Strowman: Can I go now?

Soundtrack: If you're wondering how all this will help Dalton Castle win a match, just repeat to yourself it's just a show I should really just relax... For Miz-tery Science Theatre 3000. (A guitar chord rings out and slowly fades away while a series of prop doors close while the camera retreats into a living room set)

Dalton Castle: Salutations from the Satellite of Love. I'm Dalton Castle and THESE are my Robot Friends!

Strowman: Dalton, I already told you. I'm not a robot.

Dalton: Right. Like a human being can be that freakishly strong.

Strowman: With proper training and conditioning.

Dalton: Programming and coding? That's what I thought.

Strowman: Can't believe I agreed to this.

Dalton: And I can't forget my little buddy, Mr. Socko.

Mick Foley: Thanks for having us.

Dalton: I WAS TALKING TO THE PUPPET, OLD MAN!

Mick Foley: (in a high pitched voice) It's a great to be on the show, right here, on the Satellite of Love!

Dalton: In space, no one can hear your cheap pop.

Mick Foley: Then why would anyone go there?

Dalton: Okay, look, I know you aren't robots, okay, I'm not INSANE. BUT! As I prepare myself for this championship match, I wanted new perspectives. Mick, you're a veteran, a legend who's been in every kind of match imaginable. And Braun....you're very tall, so you literally see things from a different perspective.

Strowman: **irritated growl**

Foley: You know, somehow, I never faced Jeff Hardy in our primes.

Dalton: PUP.....PET....ONLY.

Socko: We never fought Jeff Hardy in the Attitude Era. You'd think that would have been a given. Two big risk-takers.

Dalton: Yes, yes, his adDEEKtion to ladders with rungs, I heard about that. I'll have to be sure I don't stand too close to anything taller than a stepstool. But see, Jeff Hardy, he's an icon of the sport, his predilections are well known, YEAH I SAID PREDILECTIONS! He's a known quantity. I'm more concerned today with the mercurial A-Lister. Like many actors, his ability to switch identities makes him a bit of mystery. Those Hollywoo stars, what do they know, do they KNOW things? LET'S FIND OUT!

Strowman: Wait, so what are we doing here?

Dalton: We're gonna study the tapes, my beefy friend.

Strowman: I am not your friend.

Dalton: You will be.

Strowman: I don't think so.

Dalton: All that's between us is air and opportunity.

Strowman: That's not what that phrase means.

Dalton: You have hands.

Strowman: Yes.

Dalton: I'm gonna get them....

Strowman: You are definitely going to get these hands very soon.

Dalton: ...to give me a high five.

Strowman: Wrong.

Socko: I smell a tag team.

Strowman: You smell like talcum powder.

Socko:....probably true.

Dalton: You're getting me OFF-SUBJECT! It's time to study some tapes. WE GOT MOVIE SIGN!

(A title screen appears on the monitor. It reads THE MARINE 3:HOMEFRONT)

Strowman: I thought you said we were watching tape?

Dalton: THIS is the best kind of tape to study to figure out Mike Mizanin! I already know I can outwrestle him, I've been Grecoing Romans since I was in diapers. Wrestling is what I was built for. Feel these calves!

Strowman: That is not happening.

Socko: Ooo, meaty!

Dalton: The Miz's in-ring success is in total SPITE of how outmatched he is. He's always fighting from behind...just like this marine here who has to save his, I wanna say girlfriend?

Socko: Sister.

Dalton: His girlfriend's his sister? What kind of movie is this?

Socko: So the Marine comes home just to get caught up in this big action movie fight. He thought he left the war, but the war didn't leave him.

Dalton: His dry cleaner did, look how filthy that shirt is.

Socko: That's how an action movie shows gritty toughness. Rolling around the woods in a dirty T-shirt.

Dalton: Now Braun, my new best friend, when you go into the woods, you are usually shirtless, are you not? To make it easier when you bench press a tree?

Strowman: Let's just say if I was in those woods, this would be a much shorter movie.

Dalton: Yeah, you'd save your sister-girlfriend in the first five minutes.

Strowman: I am going to throw you through this set.


(The next film starts. Title screen reads MARINE 4: MOVING TARGET)


Socko: Hey, Summer Rae! I know her!

Dalton: Keep it in your pants, Socko.

Mick Foley: That IS where I keep him.

Strowman: **annoyed silence**

Dalton: Again with the woods, in fact, I'll bet they are probably the same woods as the first movie. I would bet even money, but I'm not a gambler. My only vices are ICE CREAM and ANIMAL-THEMED CAFES.

Socko: I wouldn't want to be called a moving target. That means you're going to get shot at. Wouldn't you rather be Marine 4: Really Accurate Sharpshooter?

Dalton: You really trust the Miz with a sharpshooter after seeing his figure-four?

Strowman: The way he's holding that gun would rip his shoulders apart.

Dalton: Oh, that's right, Braun my new best friend in the world, you are an ammunitions expert. You can give both kinds of gun show!

Socko: I used a glue gun give myself a new mustache once, but it fell off.

Dalton: Good point. Braun, how are your decoupage skills?

Strowman: My what?

Dalton: I'm sure they are top-notch because you're my best friend and I support everything you do. THREE KINDS OF GUNS!

( Another film rolls on the monitor. MARINE 5: BATTLEGROUND)

Strowman: How many of these things have they made?

Dalton: Wait, now the Marine is a Paramedic? That makes him a...

Socko: Paramarine?

Dalton: And we're not in the woods anymore! Two thumbs up!

Socko: Man, the Paramarine is really getting beaten up in this one, lots of facial trauma.

Strowman: That's where I would hit him.

Dalton: It's starting to come together, just as I had suspected it would. See, even here, in the world of action movies, the Miz isn't just going to beat anyone. He's not a force of nature action hero, he's scraping and clawing. He's John McClane in the first Die Hard, unlike John McClane in the fourth Die Hard. The Miz's secret weapon is that he wants it. But I negate that. Because I want it MORE. So I hoped he learned how to take some hits on set, because I'm coming out swinging.

(The Hallmark Channel logo appears on the screen, followed by the title CHRISTMAS BOUNTY)

Strowman: So why are we watching this one, then?

Dalton: To learn something about love, Braun. About love.

Braun: AAAAAAARH!

(Braun leaps up, pulls the big screen monitor off the wall and flings it through the wall of the set. He flips over the couch that Dalton and Mick are currently sitting on, sending them flying through the air. He marches out of the set, stopping to biel Steve the Cameraman into a wall along the way. Dalton slowly rises from behind the overturned furniture.)

Dalton: That....was....awesome. Mark my words, Mr. Socko, I'm going to get that high five someday. Oh yes. Some day very soon, Braun Strowman will be giving a high-five to the Gateway Champion.

Foley: I think I landed on my keys.

This is by far one of my favourite RPs ever. I’m so glad you’re back Derek