The Joke Named Jeff Hardy
Posted: Mon Feb 19, 2018 11:42 pm
Marty Scurll is standing in the middle of a room with his umbrella in his hand. He’s staring into the camera. In the background there’s a faint ticking noise, like a clock.
Scurll: Many people have been wondering just exactly why the Villain has come to the EBWF. You see, I’ve won championships all over the world. Whether it was Progress, ROH, or NJPW I’ve always been successful. The Villain has already conquered most of the wrestling landscape. That was when, I heard about a little promotion named EBWF. The Villain came to the EBWF for one reason and one reason only, to destroy. I will take down anyone who gets in my way. Whether it’s Kenny Omega or Jimmy Havoc, mess with me and you’ll end up regretting ever becoming a wrestler. The entire damn roster should be put on notice. This week, my victim is Jeff Hardy.
Scurll opens up his umbrella and it takes up the entire screen. When he closes it, he’s now standing in the middle of a wrestling ring.
Scurll: I am tired of having to fight for opportunities that should already be mine. First, I was in a number one contenders match with Jeff Hardy. What has Jeff Hardy done? The only accomplishment to his name is beating the scum of a wrestler Bray Wyatt. Now that the title is vacant, it should be handed to me. Why does the EBWF continue to slight me? Who the hell does Jimmy Havoc think he is? He should be rewarding me. After all, I am the best British talent this company has ever seen. I don’t get, what is the EBWF’s obsession with placing me in matches with hasbeens. First, Chris Hero, then Mick Foley, and now Jeff Hardy. He hasn’t been relevant in 5 years. The times are changing in wrestling and the EBWF needs to change with it. No longer should wrestling glorify spot monkeys such as Jeff Hardy. Why is it that those who are past their prime, continue to try to compete with those of us who still got it? When I first saw the card, I thought it was a rib. The Villain vs. Jeff Hardy? That's comedy. But the fact of the matter is that Jeff Hardy is nothing but wasted space in this company. There are countless others who could fill his roster spot but alas, The Villain faces off against Jeff Hardy. I will relish in breaking his fingers, choking him out, and taking him apart strike by strike.
Marty takes his umbrella and smashes it on the floor of the ring. He screams in anger.
Scurll: Nobody is safe from the path of destruction I am laying down. Not Jeff Hardy, not Kenny Omega, and certainly not Jimmy Havoc. Whoever it is, wherever we are, The Villain always comes out on top.
The segment ends with Marty staring directly into the camera. He takes what's left of the umbrella and cracks it onto the camera. The screen shatters and falls to the ground. The last shot show Marty exiting the ring, laughing.
Scurll: Many people have been wondering just exactly why the Villain has come to the EBWF. You see, I’ve won championships all over the world. Whether it was Progress, ROH, or NJPW I’ve always been successful. The Villain has already conquered most of the wrestling landscape. That was when, I heard about a little promotion named EBWF. The Villain came to the EBWF for one reason and one reason only, to destroy. I will take down anyone who gets in my way. Whether it’s Kenny Omega or Jimmy Havoc, mess with me and you’ll end up regretting ever becoming a wrestler. The entire damn roster should be put on notice. This week, my victim is Jeff Hardy.
Scurll opens up his umbrella and it takes up the entire screen. When he closes it, he’s now standing in the middle of a wrestling ring.
Scurll: I am tired of having to fight for opportunities that should already be mine. First, I was in a number one contenders match with Jeff Hardy. What has Jeff Hardy done? The only accomplishment to his name is beating the scum of a wrestler Bray Wyatt. Now that the title is vacant, it should be handed to me. Why does the EBWF continue to slight me? Who the hell does Jimmy Havoc think he is? He should be rewarding me. After all, I am the best British talent this company has ever seen. I don’t get, what is the EBWF’s obsession with placing me in matches with hasbeens. First, Chris Hero, then Mick Foley, and now Jeff Hardy. He hasn’t been relevant in 5 years. The times are changing in wrestling and the EBWF needs to change with it. No longer should wrestling glorify spot monkeys such as Jeff Hardy. Why is it that those who are past their prime, continue to try to compete with those of us who still got it? When I first saw the card, I thought it was a rib. The Villain vs. Jeff Hardy? That's comedy. But the fact of the matter is that Jeff Hardy is nothing but wasted space in this company. There are countless others who could fill his roster spot but alas, The Villain faces off against Jeff Hardy. I will relish in breaking his fingers, choking him out, and taking him apart strike by strike.
Marty takes his umbrella and smashes it on the floor of the ring. He screams in anger.
Scurll: Nobody is safe from the path of destruction I am laying down. Not Jeff Hardy, not Kenny Omega, and certainly not Jimmy Havoc. Whoever it is, wherever we are, The Villain always comes out on top.
The segment ends with Marty staring directly into the camera. He takes what's left of the umbrella and cracks it onto the camera. The screen shatters and falls to the ground. The last shot show Marty exiting the ring, laughing.