The New Regime...

[Ian B]

Scene opens on Grado sat at a table in a White Castle. He has a burger and fries on a tray in front of him.

Grado: EBWF. It's yersel. Bet you've all bin wondering where I've been since Mania, eh? Recovering, that's where I've been. Dally Castle had me on some mental regime, yoga and shite. Thought I was gonna be scarred for life or summat but I've recovered nicely now. Out with the Dalton Castle method and in with White Castle. Belter!

Grado stuffs a burger into his mouth, before continuing to speak spraying food everywhere

Grado: Tastes buckin'....

Grado coughs the food onto the tray.

Grado: Tastes like shite... Love?

Grado shouts to someone off screen but nobody appears

Grado: What is this green shite in ma food?

Grado throws his tray in anger and walks out of the establishment.

Grado: I was raised that once your food goes green it's time to bin it. I'm not going back there again. I'm ragin' now man. Hangry as buck. Someone is gonna feel ma wrath after that performance and that someone is ma ol' buddy Finn Balor. Finn, you are the sort of bloke who'd throw away everything from mah burger apart from the green crap. What even is a gherkin? Nasty, that's what it is. It's a good...

Grado gives his neck a scratch searching his brain for the correct word. After a few seconds he raises a finger in his eureka moment

Grado: Compassion. It's a good compassion for our lives right now. You're the green crap that is probablies best for the wrestling business but know what Finn? You're no fun. Where's the meat Finn, where's the relish. You're nothing at the moment, supplement. I'm where it's at pal. When the fans sit down after a hard days graft and they want to be entertained do they really want a salad? Nargh, I don't think so Finn. They want pizza and chips, that's the excitement, that's where it's at. That's what I have to offer the world. Finn, mate. I've been watching you lately, creepy as that sounds. I should maybe get myself a bird?

Grado again pauses to think.

Grado: Finn, mate. You seem to be a bit intense right now, I think you need to chill your beans, yeah? You're going to bust a blood vessel if you're not careful. Tell you what though, if you're into down dog and shite maybe look up Dalton Castle? Just a suggestion. Wasn't for me but maybe it's your bag? But... if you wanna really let your hair doon I've a better suggestion. Loosen off with some dancing it's my third favorite form of cardio after fighting and... I think you catch my drift

Grado winks at the camera then pouts and blows a kiss.

Grado: So, aye. First round of the King of the Ring and I'm more than ready to get back on it. I'm gonna dance circles around Finn. I'll be all...

Grado starts gyrating his hips and dancing like a fool

Grado: If Finn is on a good day he might just...

Grado does a very stiff version of the robot.

Grado: But more than likely he'll just...

Grado puts his heels together and jumps around for a short while

Grado: Bloody hell, that makes you surprisingly dizzy. Nauseous an' all .

He shakes his head to recover.

Grado: When it comes down to it I am gonna be the winner at Warfare, then I am gonna move on to become the King of the Ring. I reckon I will look canny in a crown. I don't think you're a hat type of guy Finn. Sorry and all that. I love you pal, but you'd look ridiculous in a crown.

Grado walks off muttering "I specifically asked for mah burger plain, man. Does nobody listen these days?..."