Cody's REAL Impediment

[Brian W.]

.:: Bobby Roode was seen sitting at a table in a Buffalo Wild Wings restaurant. His waitress walked up and carefully put a tall glass of beer on his table. Roode, removing his gaze from the big screen television, looked at his waitress as she started walking away ::.

Bobby Roode: Excuse me?! HEY!

.:: The waitress turned around and approached Roode with a smile on her face ::.

Waitress: Yes Sir?

Bobby Roode: Where is my orange slice?! You can’t thoroughly enjoy a Blue Moon without some orange slice. You literally had one job!

.:: The waitress continued to smile as she apologized and walked away to get some orange slice. Roode then turned his eyes to the camera ::.

Bobby Roode: I can say whatever I want to her. It’s her job to be nice to me. I don’t have to be nice to her. Plus, she obviously wants my dick. Who doesn’t? It’s so…

.:: Out of nowhere, a fan who saw Roode from the bar screamed GLORIOUS as he walked up to Roode and put his hand up to him gesturing for a high five. Roode looked at the guys hand as the waitress returned with a plate of orange slices. Roode grabbed an orange slice and squeezed it in to his beverage and took a big drink ::.

Roode: Now THAT is a good drink. The orange slice is the star!

.:: The fan, still standing with his hand in the air, finally lowered his hand and turned to his friends and yelled at them that Roode was a dick. Roode got the fans attention ::.

Roode: They don’t call me ROODE for nothing, kid. Now hit the road, Jack!

.:: The fan turned and walked away, leaving Roode to his beer ::.

Bobby Roode: I know what you are thinking. “Why do you have to be so mean Bobby?” Sure, I could be a “nice guy,” but why waste the energy doing that when it is so much easier to be myself. Am I an asshole? Sure I am. But the lesson here, kids, is that if you are going to do anything… be the best at it. Speaking of being the best. Cody Rhodes. No, not because Cody Rhodes is the best at anything he does. Don’t believe me? Ask his girlfriend.

.:: Roode winked at the camera and took another gulp of his beer ::.

Bobby Roode: No, I bring Cody up with the words “the best” because he will find out Monday night what it takes to be the best. He will learn what the best looks like, because he will be in the ring with the best he has ever seen. Let’s run down the check list shall we?

Better entrance theme? Check for me
Better beard? Check
Better Hair? Check
Better at speaking without a lisp? Check
Better in ring skills? Contrary to what Douchey McBaggerton said… CHECK!

It is hilarious to me that someone with a speech impediment would talk so much shit. I mean, even if you do have a good point, not a single person in the world has any idea what you said. You could have delivered the burn of a century to a sold out EBWF crowd… may as well be talking to Stevie Wonder because NO ONE understands what you are saying.

.:: Roode took another drink as condensation ran down the outside of the glass. He slammed the glass down on the table ::.

Bobby Roode: Yeah, yeah, I know what some of you are thinking. You are thinking that when it comes down to stepping in to the ring, it doesn’t matter how someone talks. You could be completely mute and still be a world class wrestler. Actually, now that I think about it… could you be a world class wrestler if you were mute? I’m not totally sure if being completely mute means you are blind as well as deaf. Preeeeety sure someone like Heller Keller couldn’t be a world class wrestler. Honestly, between you and me, no woman could be… but I digress. Monday night, Cody Rhodes makes his in ring EBWF debut. The kid hasn’t even stepped in to the ring and he thinks he can hang with someone as glorious as me, Bobby Roode? Cody, I know you have been wrestling for a long time and all around the world. That’s cute. It really is. Because no matter how many matches you have fought, no matter how many championships you have won, no matter what number of amazing superstars you have faced… the fact remains… you have never faced me one on one in EBWF.

.:: Roode finished off his beer and again slammed the glass down on the table, this time cracking the glass a little on the bottom ::.

Bobby Roode: Damn, I always have loved me some beer!

.:: Roode smiled a big grin ::.

Bobby Roode: Monday night, Cody, your in ring debut here in EBWF won’t be golden. It won’t be silver. Shit, it won’t even be bronze… that is for you anyway. But once I beat you down, stomp you down, and finish you off with the Glorious DDT, my Monday night will be… GLORIOUS!!!!!

.:: Roode laughed out loud as he leaned his chair on the back two legs and waved at the waitress to bring him another beer ::.