Sports Entertainment 101
Posted: Mon Nov 19, 2018 8:22 pm
Ciampa: I heard something today. Hardcore Holly. You want to challenge Tomasso Ciampa to a match? I suppose you consider that to be a smart career move? So, what? You think I'm a stepping stone to get another pop at Aiden English? Third time lucky? Something like that? Well, whatever your motive, let's just get this out of the way. I'm down. Any time, anywhere I'm down to fight you. Warfare will be the stage but before then I'm taking you back to school.
The camera pans out to show Ciampa is stood next to an old school chalkboard easel. The words Mr Ciampa are written in orange chalk.
Ciampa: Question is, what do I have to teach a fossil like you? You watched as men fought with dinosaurs
Ciampa draws a line on the chalkboard under his name
Ciampa: Lived through ancient Greece and saw how that was done, despite this you don't seem to be great at holds. Hmm...
He makes a second score on the board.
Ciampa: From the way you speak it's clear you're fluent in the old ways of the carnival and the way you throw your weight around that seems to be where you were most comfortable.
A third score
Ciampa: Aww, you even go back as far as when they called it hardcore wrestling not a street fight or death match. That's cute.
Ciampa goes to make a fourth mark but stops himself. He picks up a cloth from the bottom of the board and wipes the board clean.
Ciampa: I'm at a loss, where is the lesson? What can the greatest sports entertainer of all time teach Hardcore Holly? That's it. You wanted a challenge? Well, this is going to be exactly that. You might be my biggest challenge yet because. Just for you Bob I'm going to demonstrate how to be entertaining. How even you can be entertaining. Are you up to the challenge?
Ciampa writes the word "Articulate" on the board.
Ciampa: Hardcore Holly, forget everything you know. I get that in the last couple of millennia you've learned some bad habits, that Alabama drawl needs to go. This isn't wrasslin' no more son, this is sport entertainment. Articulate, perhaps retake English 101 before taking Ciampa's class, no?
Ciampa erases the word and writes "Fight smarter"
Ciampa: You need to fight with more than your just your fists. No, no I don't mean a baking tray or trashcan, you need to fight with your head too. Fight smarter, do not just headbutting some poor fool, that can be effective but, y'know work a body part? Does this ring a bell? No, dammit. I think you need to study a little Biology too. This might be more complicated than I thought.
Ciampa pushes the board away.
Ciampa: That was a dumb idea anyway. You would have been more comfortable if I'd written that in hieroglyphics, right? Some men you just can't reach. Have it your way. Forget everything I've just said. It's possible you already have in a senior moment. Let's make it a battle for the ages then? You cool with that? I spent the first part of my EBWF career shining up talent. I suppose I could do that for you? Make you look decent. And people call me a heartless bastard? Huh. They say the same thing about you, right? The battle of the heartless bastards? No... the battle of the bastards. I wonder how this one is going to turn out? Who wins that? The one who has a beating coming, or the handsome one with the amazing beard. Spoiler alert: Hardcore Holly, I'm going to beat you to a bloody pulp and leave your battered body for the wolves to pick apart.
Fin.