Legacy Confirmed
Posted: Mon Jan 28, 2019 10:39 pm
Another year. Year 18 of EBWF. The celebration was just around the corner. The long road to Wrestlemania started tonight.
Here we go.
Adam’s phone would capture his promo this evening, and some guy Adam had never met in the digital media department would upload it to Youtube. Adam pressed the large circular button his phone’s screen, and leaned back onto the couch in his locker room.
Edge: We’re rolling, aren’t we?
He grinned.
Edge: And tonight starts our road trip to New York City for Wrestlemania. Tonight we find out who will challenge for the World Championship at Mania 18. The one night a year where everyone in EBWF gets an opportunity. And of course, you all know about me an opportunities. I’ll get in the ring with 29 other men. We’ll mix it up, and the last one standing gets to main event the biggest stage of them all. Assuming of course that Wes doesn’t bump the world title match for him or Chris Jericho. Where are those guys anyway? Enough about them. I’ve done a good dozen or so of these Royal Rumble promos, and to be honest, there will be roughly twenty different ones tonight and they’ll mostly sound the same. Depending on if you want to laugh, or sleep, or whatever - will determine which ones you want to go have a listen to, and honestly, I guess that’s what makes all this worth doing. A little something for everybody.
I’m not here to make you laugh this time. I do plenty of that the rest of the year. No, today I’ll do what I do every year, and run down the list of everyone in the Rumble. Point out the two people I like, the 22 people I despise, and the 5 people I don’t know. Even more if you count the surprise entrants, but they all overlap with the people I despise probably, so it’s six of one to be honest.
Who was the unlucky asshole who drew number one in this circus?
He referenced something off camera.
Edge: Aiden English? Oh man, Aiden. You’re gonna be the iron man, huh? That sucks. I hear you’re kind of the man about town, congratulations. Just remember this isn’t that important. You already have a title opportunity with the Gateway Championship, right? You’re going to end up being in the damn thing for over an hour, make it to the final four and lose to me. That’s just disrespectful.
Numero Dos… oh, hey. Rey Mysterio. Numbers in Spanish were unintentionally appropriate. To be honest, Rey. I kinda forgot you worked here. Lord knows you can go in a Rumble, but you’ve never been a star here, and this ain’t Connecticut. Maybe we’ll do a world tour though, and you can be the face of the company for one glorious night. For some untelevised shit in Mexico or whatever.
Our first surprise entrant comes in at number 3. This is the one that doesn’t matter. Little nostalgia hit for the crowd. Out before they get started. Paycheck. Did someone call Jay Reso? This seems like a great opportunity for him.
Heath - could be a sleeper. I mean, could be, probably isn’t. I could probably name the final six right now. Won’t be him.
Jimmy Havoc. Yeah, okay. As the kids are saying these days. Thank you, next. Also… Zahra. I mean, I’m willing to go Legion if you want to chill sometime. I’m not as clean cut and charming as I look.
Surprise entrant at number six. I don’t know who Lio Rush is. Matt Sydal has never been good. Which brings us to number nine…
Oh hey! There he is. Chris Jericho. Just in time to give Aiden English a little competition. How you been, Chris? I feel like it’s been a while, and oddly, not long enough. I guess it is that time of year, but to be honest old friend. I kind of welcome it. Some of these guys who aren’t as committed to the craft might need the reminder on how it’s done. I’m complimenting you and calling you old at the same time. It’s all the rage these days.
He shrugged.
Edge: I don’t know a single person who takes Grado seriously. I don’t even know why the fuck CM Punk is here. Money probably. Another surprise entrant at number twelve. That’s where the surprise entrants start to get serious. So keep your eyes peeled for that one. Apparently Almas is still under contract, but he’s done fuck all the whole time he’s been here and I don’t expect him to start now.
Marty Scurll, ever the hopeful. It’s kind of great to be honest. I mean, I remember what it was like to be chasing a dream. So, I have to hand it to him a little bit. He’s sticking with it, despite his odds, and I think that’s admirable, I guess. Bobby Lashley…
He yawned dramatically.
Edge: The Rock is going to be here tonight! Number sixteen! That is purely for the fan’s benefit and no one else's’, because who honestly gives a shit about the Rock? EC3 lost a match to Hardcore Holly, so I’m not stressing him putting 29 other people.
Number 18, we’re getting there aren’t we? Alright. Number 18, Braun Strowman. We can look forward to half the ring getting emptied out. So there’s that. We can look forward to like five guys having to work together to throw him out. And hopefully, I can look forward to him already being eliminated by the time I get out there.
Another surprise. Followed by more surprises. And then… Tommaso Ciampa at number 21. This guy has to be one of the most disappointing guys in recent memory. He was so hot when he got started, and he just fizzled out spectacularly. I really hope you can get it back, Ciampa. Cause I think you could have been the future of EBWF, and right now… you’re just a guy who’s going to get eliminated from the Rumble by Randy Orton.
Randy comes in at number 22. For whatever reason, the sorting hat didn’t smile upon us, because our entrances are actually separated by six people, which is a travesty, and kind of a Rated RKO emergency, but it’ll be fine. I’m sure.
Hardcore Holly, number 23. If this isn’t the most confident person I’ve ever seen in my life. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone who was so needlessly and comedically confident. This guy totally believes his own hype. And there isn’t a reason on earth that he should. It’s a little endearing, but there’s also something funny about a veteran of the business being so serious about defending the newb title.
Mike Kanellis… still works here. Weird. Surprise entrant. Michael Dante comes in at number 26, and I’ve already beaten him so… whatever. Elias is a novelty act. I don’t know who Adam Cole is. I somehow drew number 29. And then there’s number 30. Yet another surprise entrant. I don’t care if it’s a bunny, the Black Panther, Justin Credible, Werewolves of London, Paul Newman. Christopher Lloyd, or whoever the fuck. I guess what I’m saying is that the talent pool isn’t very deep this year, is it?
That sounds like my kind of opportunity. That sounds like my chance to return to the main event at Wrestlemania. And I think I’m just the man to beat the Miz. If he can even hold on to that title tonight, let alone the next two months. Maybe I’ll get to face Tommy End. And we already know I can beat him. It’s the most wonderful time of the year. Legends are made between now and March 31st. But this year? It’s just going to be a legacy being confirmed.
Edge hit the button his phone again, killing the video. He opened his messages and sent a quick on to Trish.
Adam
You done with your promo? Want to get lunch?
Her reply was swift.
Trish
Yes and yes. :)
Adam grinned, and stood up, pocketing his cell phone and leaving his locker room.
Here we go.
Adam’s phone would capture his promo this evening, and some guy Adam had never met in the digital media department would upload it to Youtube. Adam pressed the large circular button his phone’s screen, and leaned back onto the couch in his locker room.
Edge: We’re rolling, aren’t we?
He grinned.
Edge: And tonight starts our road trip to New York City for Wrestlemania. Tonight we find out who will challenge for the World Championship at Mania 18. The one night a year where everyone in EBWF gets an opportunity. And of course, you all know about me an opportunities. I’ll get in the ring with 29 other men. We’ll mix it up, and the last one standing gets to main event the biggest stage of them all. Assuming of course that Wes doesn’t bump the world title match for him or Chris Jericho. Where are those guys anyway? Enough about them. I’ve done a good dozen or so of these Royal Rumble promos, and to be honest, there will be roughly twenty different ones tonight and they’ll mostly sound the same. Depending on if you want to laugh, or sleep, or whatever - will determine which ones you want to go have a listen to, and honestly, I guess that’s what makes all this worth doing. A little something for everybody.
I’m not here to make you laugh this time. I do plenty of that the rest of the year. No, today I’ll do what I do every year, and run down the list of everyone in the Rumble. Point out the two people I like, the 22 people I despise, and the 5 people I don’t know. Even more if you count the surprise entrants, but they all overlap with the people I despise probably, so it’s six of one to be honest.
Who was the unlucky asshole who drew number one in this circus?
He referenced something off camera.
Edge: Aiden English? Oh man, Aiden. You’re gonna be the iron man, huh? That sucks. I hear you’re kind of the man about town, congratulations. Just remember this isn’t that important. You already have a title opportunity with the Gateway Championship, right? You’re going to end up being in the damn thing for over an hour, make it to the final four and lose to me. That’s just disrespectful.
Numero Dos… oh, hey. Rey Mysterio. Numbers in Spanish were unintentionally appropriate. To be honest, Rey. I kinda forgot you worked here. Lord knows you can go in a Rumble, but you’ve never been a star here, and this ain’t Connecticut. Maybe we’ll do a world tour though, and you can be the face of the company for one glorious night. For some untelevised shit in Mexico or whatever.
Our first surprise entrant comes in at number 3. This is the one that doesn’t matter. Little nostalgia hit for the crowd. Out before they get started. Paycheck. Did someone call Jay Reso? This seems like a great opportunity for him.
Heath - could be a sleeper. I mean, could be, probably isn’t. I could probably name the final six right now. Won’t be him.
Jimmy Havoc. Yeah, okay. As the kids are saying these days. Thank you, next. Also… Zahra. I mean, I’m willing to go Legion if you want to chill sometime. I’m not as clean cut and charming as I look.
Surprise entrant at number six. I don’t know who Lio Rush is. Matt Sydal has never been good. Which brings us to number nine…
Oh hey! There he is. Chris Jericho. Just in time to give Aiden English a little competition. How you been, Chris? I feel like it’s been a while, and oddly, not long enough. I guess it is that time of year, but to be honest old friend. I kind of welcome it. Some of these guys who aren’t as committed to the craft might need the reminder on how it’s done. I’m complimenting you and calling you old at the same time. It’s all the rage these days.
He shrugged.
Edge: I don’t know a single person who takes Grado seriously. I don’t even know why the fuck CM Punk is here. Money probably. Another surprise entrant at number twelve. That’s where the surprise entrants start to get serious. So keep your eyes peeled for that one. Apparently Almas is still under contract, but he’s done fuck all the whole time he’s been here and I don’t expect him to start now.
Marty Scurll, ever the hopeful. It’s kind of great to be honest. I mean, I remember what it was like to be chasing a dream. So, I have to hand it to him a little bit. He’s sticking with it, despite his odds, and I think that’s admirable, I guess. Bobby Lashley…
He yawned dramatically.
Edge: The Rock is going to be here tonight! Number sixteen! That is purely for the fan’s benefit and no one else's’, because who honestly gives a shit about the Rock? EC3 lost a match to Hardcore Holly, so I’m not stressing him putting 29 other people.
Number 18, we’re getting there aren’t we? Alright. Number 18, Braun Strowman. We can look forward to half the ring getting emptied out. So there’s that. We can look forward to like five guys having to work together to throw him out. And hopefully, I can look forward to him already being eliminated by the time I get out there.
Another surprise. Followed by more surprises. And then… Tommaso Ciampa at number 21. This guy has to be one of the most disappointing guys in recent memory. He was so hot when he got started, and he just fizzled out spectacularly. I really hope you can get it back, Ciampa. Cause I think you could have been the future of EBWF, and right now… you’re just a guy who’s going to get eliminated from the Rumble by Randy Orton.
Randy comes in at number 22. For whatever reason, the sorting hat didn’t smile upon us, because our entrances are actually separated by six people, which is a travesty, and kind of a Rated RKO emergency, but it’ll be fine. I’m sure.
Hardcore Holly, number 23. If this isn’t the most confident person I’ve ever seen in my life. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone who was so needlessly and comedically confident. This guy totally believes his own hype. And there isn’t a reason on earth that he should. It’s a little endearing, but there’s also something funny about a veteran of the business being so serious about defending the newb title.
Mike Kanellis… still works here. Weird. Surprise entrant. Michael Dante comes in at number 26, and I’ve already beaten him so… whatever. Elias is a novelty act. I don’t know who Adam Cole is. I somehow drew number 29. And then there’s number 30. Yet another surprise entrant. I don’t care if it’s a bunny, the Black Panther, Justin Credible, Werewolves of London, Paul Newman. Christopher Lloyd, or whoever the fuck. I guess what I’m saying is that the talent pool isn’t very deep this year, is it?
That sounds like my kind of opportunity. That sounds like my chance to return to the main event at Wrestlemania. And I think I’m just the man to beat the Miz. If he can even hold on to that title tonight, let alone the next two months. Maybe I’ll get to face Tommy End. And we already know I can beat him. It’s the most wonderful time of the year. Legends are made between now and March 31st. But this year? It’s just going to be a legacy being confirmed.
Edge hit the button his phone again, killing the video. He opened his messages and sent a quick on to Trish.
Adam
You done with your promo? Want to get lunch?
Her reply was swift.
Trish
Yes and yes. :)
Adam grinned, and stood up, pocketing his cell phone and leaving his locker room.