Didn't Really Think This One Out.
Posted: Mon Jun 24, 2019 10:41 pm
This EBWF.net exclusive is brought to you by the Randy News Network.
The camera faded in on none other than the Silent Assassin himself. He sat idly on a chair behind a card table in the backstage area of the Chesapeake Energy Arena. Randy took a swig of a bottle of water and looked at the camera.
Randy Orton: Hi, my name is Randy Orton and I am sitting here because they thought it would be neat to do an RNN bit from when I was, like, 12. So I’m sitting here at a table because I didn’t want to put a lot of effort into the set for my seventeenth forgettable match with PJ Black. I don’t know, I don’t make this up.
He shrugged indifferently.
Randy Orton: So what makes this a news segment? It is news because I have decided to show up and make PJ Black’s life difficult.
He smirked.
Randy Orton: Oh, who am I kidding? That’s not news. Any time I decide to come back, it’s to mess with PJ Black. He is single handedly the least interesting person in any room he walks into, and it just delights me to no end to slow his ascent up the King of the Ring ladder. Aaaaannd, if I’m lucky, knock him off it entirely. So yeah, I guess that’s not news. Kind of shows you how poorly thought out this segment is. So, what makes good news?
Randy snapped his fingers a couple of times. He pointed at the camera with a sudden look of realization.
Randy Orton: Got it. Breaking news, coming to you right here on the Randy News Network. If I beat PJ Black tonight in the King of the Ring Quarterfinals, I believe an unprecedented event will occur that will make PJ Black far more interesting than he ever has in his entire life.
He looked deadpan into the camera.
Randy Orton: I genuinely believe that PJ Black will explode.
He shrugged:
Randy Orton: One can only hope. See you next week.
Randy stood up and walked out of the shot as the RNN logo flashed across the screen.
The camera faded in on none other than the Silent Assassin himself. He sat idly on a chair behind a card table in the backstage area of the Chesapeake Energy Arena. Randy took a swig of a bottle of water and looked at the camera.
Randy Orton: Hi, my name is Randy Orton and I am sitting here because they thought it would be neat to do an RNN bit from when I was, like, 12. So I’m sitting here at a table because I didn’t want to put a lot of effort into the set for my seventeenth forgettable match with PJ Black. I don’t know, I don’t make this up.
He shrugged indifferently.
Randy Orton: So what makes this a news segment? It is news because I have decided to show up and make PJ Black’s life difficult.
He smirked.
Randy Orton: Oh, who am I kidding? That’s not news. Any time I decide to come back, it’s to mess with PJ Black. He is single handedly the least interesting person in any room he walks into, and it just delights me to no end to slow his ascent up the King of the Ring ladder. Aaaaannd, if I’m lucky, knock him off it entirely. So yeah, I guess that’s not news. Kind of shows you how poorly thought out this segment is. So, what makes good news?
Randy snapped his fingers a couple of times. He pointed at the camera with a sudden look of realization.
Randy Orton: Got it. Breaking news, coming to you right here on the Randy News Network. If I beat PJ Black tonight in the King of the Ring Quarterfinals, I believe an unprecedented event will occur that will make PJ Black far more interesting than he ever has in his entire life.
He looked deadpan into the camera.
Randy Orton: I genuinely believe that PJ Black will explode.
He shrugged:
Randy Orton: One can only hope. See you next week.
Randy stood up and walked out of the shot as the RNN logo flashed across the screen.