JeriPunk?

[Miles]

In the basement of the Scottrade Center, there was a plethora of EBWF merchandise. 8x10's, t-shirts, posters and another assorted memorabilia to be used for the Access event. But there also one half of the potential new Tag Team Champions: CM Punk. With an unzipped hoodie thrown over his head and slicked back hair, he spun lightly in a leather chair in front of a smooth oak table. He slapped his palms onto table to halt his twirling and looked directly at the camera.

CM Punk: "If any of you are familiar with twitter, and God knows it's the most important aspect of professional wrestling in 2012, you've seen pictures of me in a place like this. Signing autograph after autograph and whatever piece of merch that has my name on it. I'm about to do a lot of signing tonight because I'm in the very lowest level of the Scottrade Cetner where I'm going to join all of the Access activities in about an hour or so. But seeing as how I'm always up on my game, I decided to come a little early. Not only am I the best in the world, I'm also the smartest in the business. I've signed..eh..a couple hundred autographs already so I can pass those suckers out."

Punk tapped a finger at the side of his head to indicate his extraordinary brain size.

CM Punk: "I'm always thinking. I have a few more personalized autographs I need to sign but I'll get to that later. It's Wrestle Mania! The biggest event in our company and I'm going for the Tag Team Titles. If you've got a sharp memory you might remember that about two years ago I did the same thing and I was successful. Well, I don't plan on this year being any different."

The Straight Edge Superstar drummed a few fingers along the table as a thought slipped into his mind.

CM Punk: "Ya know, the world of professional wrestling is a pretty wacky place. I spent the better part of fighting tooth and nail with Chris Jericho and now I'm his tag team partner! Funny how those things work out. While I might not necessarily like Chris, I do respect him. And it appears the two of us have a common enemy in a little export that call themselves The Queen's Men. Now, I don't know how well Sheamus and Wade know one another but I can guarantee you that they don't know each other better than Chris and I know ourselves. We know our strength's and our weaknesses..because, like I said, we spent months kicking each others asses from state to state."

Punk struck a mock, contemplative kind of expression.

CM Punk: "Now you may ask yourself..how could we possibly get along after everything we put each other through? That's simple. We pro wrestlers are an odd bunch. Myself in particular. We never seem to really hold someone in any kind of regard until we've sent each other to the hospital a few times. That's about the deal with myself and Jericho. And when we have a common enemy, we'll do whatever it takes to put them out of our misery."

The tattooed Chicago native throws a single finger towards the air.

CM Punk: "Which brings me to Wade Barrett. Wade has been a thorn in my side for the past few months. He cost me an opportunity to become World Champion again because I took him lightly. Well, fast forward a few months later and I very distinctly recall GTSing Wade so hard he forgot his name. I could have hurt him a little more but his enormous ginger pal Sheamus decided to get involved. Backtrack a week ago and I remember chasing Barrett's goofy British ass through the crowd, beating his ass from one side of the arena to another, and honestly enjoying every second of it. Well, Barrett, the spotlight is on and you can't run away from me anymore. I'm taking your title and there isn't anything you can do about it. Oh. But wait. I do have something for you."

Punk whipped out marker and quickly scribbled his autograph on a fierce looking picture of himself with his arms folded over his chest in an "X". It read "You suck and so do the Manic Street Preachers."

CM Punk: "Honestly, who gets lyrics from the Manic Street Preachers tattooed on them? Pretentious much? That alone is reason enough to cave your face in. But don't think I've forgotten about your giant, pale buddy Sheamus. He's associated with you so he's getting a beating just as badly, maybe even worse, than you. Probably worse since he legitimately looks like that asshole singer from Fall Out Boy on horse growth hormones and handle bar mustache. And if there are very few things in life I hate more than Fall Out Boy. And Sheamus is going to be looking pretty damn emo after he walks out of St. Louis without a trace of gold to be found. A pretty unfortunate situation but I'm sure if he sure if he searches under a rainbow long enough or chases down a cereal mascot, he might be able to score some more. Irish eyes aren't going to be smiling when they're missing so many teeth."

The Celtic Warrior gets his very own personalized autograph as well. This time the photo of Punk is drawing his fist back, looking as if he's ready to strike and the real deal mimics his own expression. This time he's written: "You don't need a bigger boat to kill a Great White. Just.." and then his signature.

CM Punk: "The thought of being a champion alongside Chris Jericho is still a little strange to me. Alright, VERY strange. But if he holds up his end of the deal, I'll more than hold up mine. And all of the Queen's Horses and all of the Queen's Men won't be able to put Wade and Sheamus back together again."

Punk threw his hands up in disbelief.

CM Punk: "Seriously, it took someone THAT long to finally say that? You people are slacking. No excuse. And, before I forget, I guess I should sign an autograph for my partner as well. Just to show there are no hard feelings and to add a little good will to our group."

Taking out an autograph of himself in something of a more casual look, Punk signed it "To my biggest fan" and held it out for the camera to get a good look a it.

CM Punk: "No home is complete without one. See you at Mania, Chris. Sheamus, Wade, see you two in hell. Which, coincidentally, is going to be how your Mania turns out."

Punk retrieved a stack of autographs and walked off camera with them as the scene came to an end.