Reunion
Posted: Mon Mar 16, 2020 5:55 pm
It was Monday night, and Braun Strowman was backstage at the Simmons Bank Arena in Little Rock, Arkansas. Warfare was still a few hours away, and Braun was in his locker room, lifting weights. There was a hesitant knock on the door, Braun shot down his weights as if they were nothing and bellowed "Yes?".
In walked Jimmy Havoc, a typical tee and jeans. He smiled at Braun and said:
Jimmy Havoc: Did you see the sheet?
Braun Strowman: Yeah… I think there must have been a mistake. It said I was teaming with some goth dweeb named Jimmy Havoc, but I’m pretty sure he disappeared about a year ago. He was a weird guy… looked like he’d never lifted a weight in his life. You’d probably really like him, I think you both wear the same eyeliner.
Strowman smirked, then picked up his weights again.
Jimmy Havoc: Okay Superman. That one you can have, sure. The way I see it though, you also seemed to disappear from EBWF TV too? What has the Monster Among Men actually gained without me? Did you beat up Drew a bit or join him or whatever the fuck that story was?
Jimmy smirked back, enjoying the banter with his old friend. Strowman mimicked throwing one of his weights at Havoc, who couldn’t help but flinch. This amused Braun, and the Monster Among Men started laughing.
Braun Strowman: See this is the problem… you left, and things weren’t as fun without you around. The tag team division basically died, and creative decided they didn’t have anything for me. I’ve been working house shows for so long, I’ve almost forgotten what a camera looks like. Now suddenly, you’re back, Legion’s contracts are up and hey presto, there’s a gauntlet match to decide the new Tag Champs. Kinda seems like you timed your return perfectly.
Strowman sat down, then held up his finger as if he’d just remembered something important.
Braun Strowman: That reminds me… what were you doing ten weeks ago?
Jimmy pulled on his collar comically and lifted up one of Brauns weights but couldn't get it up properly. Exasperated, he put it back down.
Jimmy Havoc: How do you even pick them up?! 10 weeks ago? Jeez. I'll tell you where I wasnt, anywhere near Zahra Schreiber. She fucking HATES me dude, like super mega nuclear heat. I mean, I legit like ran away and didn’t speak to anyone for like months so I get it. To answer your question…
Jimmy put on an awful Bill Clinton Accent.
Jimmy Havoc: I did not have sexual relations, with that woman!
Braun Strowman: How did you not end up in Hollywood with skills like that? They’ll give anyone a job in Hollywood now… apparently that’s why Hardcore Holly retired. He got a job in Hollywood, can you believe that?
Jimmy Havoc: Hollywood Hardcore Holly? Was he in...The Pacifier? Wait was that Hunter, Wait no.
Jimmy looked giddy.
Jimmy Havoc: The Chaperone! Fuck yes, nailed it. The only way I can imagine Bob Holly in Hollywood is if the Fast and the Furious need to cast Vin Diesel’s ugly older brother.
Braun Strowman: Well hey, it means we don’t have to deal with him.
Jimmy Havoc: Deal with him? Bro. I had to deal with that guy desperately trying to claw a storyline in my mentions. He's worse than those e-fed accounts that tag me in everything!
Braun Strowman: This is why I try and stay off social media… too many weirdos. I went to visit my mom the other week and found out a girl I went to school with has started selling pictures of her feet… she gets good money for them too. Please don’t tell me you’re into that.
Jimmy Havoc: I actually don't know what's more surprising, the fact you think I buy pictures of peoples feet on the internet or the fact you went to school. I'm just trying to imagine your big ass in one of them elementary school desks and your big head towering above everyone. Did you have to do a spelling bee? B is for…
Jimmy psyched himself up.
Jimmy Havoc: BRAAAAAAAUNNNNNNNNN
Braun chuckled to himself.
Braun Strowman: You know what worries me is how much I’ve missed goofing around with you. Anyway, we might have got rid of Hardcore Holly, but his annoying mouthpiece Lio Rush is still around and he’s got himself a bodyguard. Erick Rowan. He eliminated me at the Royal Rumble… we have unfinished business.
Strowman clenched his fist.
Jimmy chuckled.
Jimmy Havoc: Eliminated by Erick Rowan? The guy looks like every metal band fan ever. He looks like he still lives in his mother's basement and probably smells like that too! Did you ever play Call of Duty when you were a massive brick shithouse kid? Yeah he was the guy saying he's gonna fuck your mom all the time. Erick Rowan eliminated you? Man, what happened to you for real? I remember a time you took out all of Alex Rileys goons at Wrestlemania! Good times. But don't get me started on Lio Rush. That jumped up little fuck. I hate how he's so untouchable just cos he’s got a few quid apparently. Like what's a couple of pounds over your actually like 2 stone Biceps for fuck sake. You could actually pop Lio Rush between those mammoth arms surely?!
Strowman nodded, grinning sadistically.
Braun Strowman: His head is about the same size as my bicep. I could probably squash him with one hand. Depending on the draw though, we might not even have to deal with Rush and Rowan. If the card I saw is anything to go by, they’re out first, and Matt Hardy and Tommaso Ciampa are second. Didn’t you used to work with Ciampa? Or am I thinking of some other bald bastard?
Jimmy Havoc: Was Corbin bald? Nah surprisingly Ciampa is the only person in this company I haven't teamed with. Faced them both though, beat them both. I wouldn't say its gonna be easy, Matt Hardy is fucking CRAZY. Ciampa is in this way purgatory I think of what he wants to be. He did that priest pastor thing but it didn't really work I don't think? I keep thinking of like, nice things to say about these people and maybe things we need to watch out for but like it all comes back too.. YOU ARE HUGE. No-one in this match can equal you. Like just don’t get double teamed cos that's when you get brought down and because it takes a while for information to get from your head to your feet you don’t get back up again quickly. Rated RKO are gonna suck for that, Edge and Orton are gonna be awful to deal with. They've rested up for months and now they're being wheeled out for Mania season right? Crafty old dudes, they'll both target your huge fucking legs so like. Don't let that happen.
Braun Strowman: Funnily enough, I’ve always wanted to work with Orton… I think this is the first time we’ve crossed paths. People always make out that he’s dangerous because he went on a rampage years ago… but now he’s like a domesticated cat. There’s a link to this dangerous creature, but he’s unrecognisable from his former self. Did you know he’s the Gateway Champion now? Must be a kick in the teeth seeing the title you made around the waist of a guy like Orton… I don’t think he’s even defended it yet.
Jimmy Havoc: You see, I didn't even know he was Gateway Champion? It feels like the titles in EBWF no longer mean what they did. Lio Rush has never broken out. Randy Orton is never the answer to be the Gateway to anything. Is this them doing the PJ Black thing again where he keeps it for ages and then does absolutely nothing with it? Womens title is nothing now Zahra left, the tag titles were around the waist of dickheads for a year. The only thing worth a damn so far is Aiden English's World Title! Even that they've shoved Jericho in the picture to bring the old fans back now so many people have gone. You know it's up to us to change that right?
Strowman nodded.
Braun Strowman: I actually looked up the title history earlier… End and Dante had the Tag Titles for almost two years, Jimmy. They killed the tag division. And I don’t mean they dominated it, I just mean they were so dull, no one wanted to work with them. Hell, they must have got bored themselves, that’s probably why they left. I can’t believe you ever considered working with them. But before Legion, back in 2017, there were five glorious months where The Bastard and The Beast were Tag Team Champions. Do you remember, I basically choked Baron Corbin with my bare hands because you were sick of him letting you down? Talk about an upgrade. That’s what we need to do, Jimmy, we need to give the tag team division an upgrade. There are four other teams in this match, and we can beat them all. Rush and Rowan… little and large, like you and me, only we’re better. Hardy and Ciampa? Yeah, they’re an odd combination, and I’ve got a lot of history with Ciampa. Were you still here when we did Hell in a Hospital? That was a lot of fun. But they’ve never teamed up before, so the chemistry might not work. I can see them coming to blows before the match is over. As for Rated RKO… I’ve got nothing but respect for Edge and Randy Orton, I’ve been fans of theirs since long before I started training to wrestle, but that’s just it… they’re past their prime. Every time I see either or both of them in an interview, it’s clear that they don’t care anymore. So as dangerous as those two can be, chances are they won’t even try. And then, if we outlast those three teams… we’ve got to beat a marine and a tooth fairy.
Jimmy sighed.
Jimmy Havoc: Ah...Miz and Rock. Well, I beat The Rock in my first singles match back? Did you see my killer promo? I out Rocked the Rock! It's gonna be odd because Miz has got himself a new partner and this one isn't like...below him? He usually picks people he can manipulate and how can you manipulate like the biggest star in the World?! Miz is gonna be good in this though, as much as he usually turns on his partners, he's had more tag matches than you've had Waffle House visits. The Rock is always a presence in the ring, trust the fans love you Braun but when you step foot in that ring against him...bro you're not getting that reaction against him. He's beaten dudes like you, Albert, Big Show, Kane, Taker. He's not gonna be scared of your size but there's one thing you have over those old dudes. You've got that combination of pure raw peak power and speed, fucking Rocks are strong but nothings stopping an 18 Wheeler at full speed. I've had a lot of matches with Miz and I know that gut in and out but he's always developing new tricks to put up his sleeve but that's for me to watch out for. I may have gone for a year but I haven't lost a step and only got better. I have faced The Miz before but The Miz has never faced THIS Jimmy Havoc before.
Strowman grinned, and patted Havoc on the back.
Braun Strowman: That’s fighting talk, Havoc! I like it. I did see that you beat The Rock… it’s been a good few weeks for you hasn’t it? You were the runner up at the Royal Rumble, but since then you’re 3 and 0. Tonight, we can add a couple more into your winning column, and if we’re the last team standing we’re the new Tag Team Champions. I can’t think of anything more perfect, can you?
Jimmy Havoc: I've always looked so much better with gold around my waist. I don't plan on letting my momentum falter after my failure at the Rumble. If I can't have the World Title at Mania, standing beside you as Tag Champions on the greatest show of all, is definitely a favourable second. We could even do the me sitting on your shoulders entrance again that was sick.
Strowman nodded.
Braun Strowman: Deal.
In walked Jimmy Havoc, a typical tee and jeans. He smiled at Braun and said:
Jimmy Havoc: Did you see the sheet?
Braun Strowman: Yeah… I think there must have been a mistake. It said I was teaming with some goth dweeb named Jimmy Havoc, but I’m pretty sure he disappeared about a year ago. He was a weird guy… looked like he’d never lifted a weight in his life. You’d probably really like him, I think you both wear the same eyeliner.
Strowman smirked, then picked up his weights again.
Jimmy Havoc: Okay Superman. That one you can have, sure. The way I see it though, you also seemed to disappear from EBWF TV too? What has the Monster Among Men actually gained without me? Did you beat up Drew a bit or join him or whatever the fuck that story was?
Jimmy smirked back, enjoying the banter with his old friend. Strowman mimicked throwing one of his weights at Havoc, who couldn’t help but flinch. This amused Braun, and the Monster Among Men started laughing.
Braun Strowman: See this is the problem… you left, and things weren’t as fun without you around. The tag team division basically died, and creative decided they didn’t have anything for me. I’ve been working house shows for so long, I’ve almost forgotten what a camera looks like. Now suddenly, you’re back, Legion’s contracts are up and hey presto, there’s a gauntlet match to decide the new Tag Champs. Kinda seems like you timed your return perfectly.
Strowman sat down, then held up his finger as if he’d just remembered something important.
Braun Strowman: That reminds me… what were you doing ten weeks ago?
Jimmy pulled on his collar comically and lifted up one of Brauns weights but couldn't get it up properly. Exasperated, he put it back down.
Jimmy Havoc: How do you even pick them up?! 10 weeks ago? Jeez. I'll tell you where I wasnt, anywhere near Zahra Schreiber. She fucking HATES me dude, like super mega nuclear heat. I mean, I legit like ran away and didn’t speak to anyone for like months so I get it. To answer your question…
Jimmy put on an awful Bill Clinton Accent.
Jimmy Havoc: I did not have sexual relations, with that woman!
Braun Strowman: How did you not end up in Hollywood with skills like that? They’ll give anyone a job in Hollywood now… apparently that’s why Hardcore Holly retired. He got a job in Hollywood, can you believe that?
Jimmy Havoc: Hollywood Hardcore Holly? Was he in...The Pacifier? Wait was that Hunter, Wait no.
Jimmy looked giddy.
Jimmy Havoc: The Chaperone! Fuck yes, nailed it. The only way I can imagine Bob Holly in Hollywood is if the Fast and the Furious need to cast Vin Diesel’s ugly older brother.
Braun Strowman: Well hey, it means we don’t have to deal with him.
Jimmy Havoc: Deal with him? Bro. I had to deal with that guy desperately trying to claw a storyline in my mentions. He's worse than those e-fed accounts that tag me in everything!
Braun Strowman: This is why I try and stay off social media… too many weirdos. I went to visit my mom the other week and found out a girl I went to school with has started selling pictures of her feet… she gets good money for them too. Please don’t tell me you’re into that.
Jimmy Havoc: I actually don't know what's more surprising, the fact you think I buy pictures of peoples feet on the internet or the fact you went to school. I'm just trying to imagine your big ass in one of them elementary school desks and your big head towering above everyone. Did you have to do a spelling bee? B is for…
Jimmy psyched himself up.
Jimmy Havoc: BRAAAAAAAUNNNNNNNNN
Braun chuckled to himself.
Braun Strowman: You know what worries me is how much I’ve missed goofing around with you. Anyway, we might have got rid of Hardcore Holly, but his annoying mouthpiece Lio Rush is still around and he’s got himself a bodyguard. Erick Rowan. He eliminated me at the Royal Rumble… we have unfinished business.
Strowman clenched his fist.
Jimmy chuckled.
Jimmy Havoc: Eliminated by Erick Rowan? The guy looks like every metal band fan ever. He looks like he still lives in his mother's basement and probably smells like that too! Did you ever play Call of Duty when you were a massive brick shithouse kid? Yeah he was the guy saying he's gonna fuck your mom all the time. Erick Rowan eliminated you? Man, what happened to you for real? I remember a time you took out all of Alex Rileys goons at Wrestlemania! Good times. But don't get me started on Lio Rush. That jumped up little fuck. I hate how he's so untouchable just cos he’s got a few quid apparently. Like what's a couple of pounds over your actually like 2 stone Biceps for fuck sake. You could actually pop Lio Rush between those mammoth arms surely?!
Strowman nodded, grinning sadistically.
Braun Strowman: His head is about the same size as my bicep. I could probably squash him with one hand. Depending on the draw though, we might not even have to deal with Rush and Rowan. If the card I saw is anything to go by, they’re out first, and Matt Hardy and Tommaso Ciampa are second. Didn’t you used to work with Ciampa? Or am I thinking of some other bald bastard?
Jimmy Havoc: Was Corbin bald? Nah surprisingly Ciampa is the only person in this company I haven't teamed with. Faced them both though, beat them both. I wouldn't say its gonna be easy, Matt Hardy is fucking CRAZY. Ciampa is in this way purgatory I think of what he wants to be. He did that priest pastor thing but it didn't really work I don't think? I keep thinking of like, nice things to say about these people and maybe things we need to watch out for but like it all comes back too.. YOU ARE HUGE. No-one in this match can equal you. Like just don’t get double teamed cos that's when you get brought down and because it takes a while for information to get from your head to your feet you don’t get back up again quickly. Rated RKO are gonna suck for that, Edge and Orton are gonna be awful to deal with. They've rested up for months and now they're being wheeled out for Mania season right? Crafty old dudes, they'll both target your huge fucking legs so like. Don't let that happen.
Braun Strowman: Funnily enough, I’ve always wanted to work with Orton… I think this is the first time we’ve crossed paths. People always make out that he’s dangerous because he went on a rampage years ago… but now he’s like a domesticated cat. There’s a link to this dangerous creature, but he’s unrecognisable from his former self. Did you know he’s the Gateway Champion now? Must be a kick in the teeth seeing the title you made around the waist of a guy like Orton… I don’t think he’s even defended it yet.
Jimmy Havoc: You see, I didn't even know he was Gateway Champion? It feels like the titles in EBWF no longer mean what they did. Lio Rush has never broken out. Randy Orton is never the answer to be the Gateway to anything. Is this them doing the PJ Black thing again where he keeps it for ages and then does absolutely nothing with it? Womens title is nothing now Zahra left, the tag titles were around the waist of dickheads for a year. The only thing worth a damn so far is Aiden English's World Title! Even that they've shoved Jericho in the picture to bring the old fans back now so many people have gone. You know it's up to us to change that right?
Strowman nodded.
Braun Strowman: I actually looked up the title history earlier… End and Dante had the Tag Titles for almost two years, Jimmy. They killed the tag division. And I don’t mean they dominated it, I just mean they were so dull, no one wanted to work with them. Hell, they must have got bored themselves, that’s probably why they left. I can’t believe you ever considered working with them. But before Legion, back in 2017, there were five glorious months where The Bastard and The Beast were Tag Team Champions. Do you remember, I basically choked Baron Corbin with my bare hands because you were sick of him letting you down? Talk about an upgrade. That’s what we need to do, Jimmy, we need to give the tag team division an upgrade. There are four other teams in this match, and we can beat them all. Rush and Rowan… little and large, like you and me, only we’re better. Hardy and Ciampa? Yeah, they’re an odd combination, and I’ve got a lot of history with Ciampa. Were you still here when we did Hell in a Hospital? That was a lot of fun. But they’ve never teamed up before, so the chemistry might not work. I can see them coming to blows before the match is over. As for Rated RKO… I’ve got nothing but respect for Edge and Randy Orton, I’ve been fans of theirs since long before I started training to wrestle, but that’s just it… they’re past their prime. Every time I see either or both of them in an interview, it’s clear that they don’t care anymore. So as dangerous as those two can be, chances are they won’t even try. And then, if we outlast those three teams… we’ve got to beat a marine and a tooth fairy.
Jimmy sighed.
Jimmy Havoc: Ah...Miz and Rock. Well, I beat The Rock in my first singles match back? Did you see my killer promo? I out Rocked the Rock! It's gonna be odd because Miz has got himself a new partner and this one isn't like...below him? He usually picks people he can manipulate and how can you manipulate like the biggest star in the World?! Miz is gonna be good in this though, as much as he usually turns on his partners, he's had more tag matches than you've had Waffle House visits. The Rock is always a presence in the ring, trust the fans love you Braun but when you step foot in that ring against him...bro you're not getting that reaction against him. He's beaten dudes like you, Albert, Big Show, Kane, Taker. He's not gonna be scared of your size but there's one thing you have over those old dudes. You've got that combination of pure raw peak power and speed, fucking Rocks are strong but nothings stopping an 18 Wheeler at full speed. I've had a lot of matches with Miz and I know that gut in and out but he's always developing new tricks to put up his sleeve but that's for me to watch out for. I may have gone for a year but I haven't lost a step and only got better. I have faced The Miz before but The Miz has never faced THIS Jimmy Havoc before.
Strowman grinned, and patted Havoc on the back.
Braun Strowman: That’s fighting talk, Havoc! I like it. I did see that you beat The Rock… it’s been a good few weeks for you hasn’t it? You were the runner up at the Royal Rumble, but since then you’re 3 and 0. Tonight, we can add a couple more into your winning column, and if we’re the last team standing we’re the new Tag Team Champions. I can’t think of anything more perfect, can you?
Jimmy Havoc: I've always looked so much better with gold around my waist. I don't plan on letting my momentum falter after my failure at the Rumble. If I can't have the World Title at Mania, standing beside you as Tag Champions on the greatest show of all, is definitely a favourable second. We could even do the me sitting on your shoulders entrance again that was sick.
Strowman nodded.
Braun Strowman: Deal.
