Punking King

[Billy]

The video opened on CM Punk sitting in a director's chair facing directly toward the camera. He adjusted his black shirt adorned with a red outline of his typical fist logo. He had a smug grin on his face.

CM Punk: Well look at where we are EBWF. It's June of 2020 and CM Punk is being called up to compete in the King of the Ring! We're in a place where ticket sales, merchandise sales and television ratings are plummeting. Social media numbers have never been so low. And, I can't take all the credit but I can correct the ship and Wes Ikeda knows it! That's right, part of the reason for these declining numbers is with the EBWF World Champion, Chris Jericho. Hi Chris! You see, someone better was attacked and injured and now we're stuck with Chris Jericho as Champion. But, by winning King of the Ring I can fix that! I can bring up television ratings by climbing through the bracket. I can increase ticket sales by being listed on the card. I can move merchandise by reminding the people who I am and what I do!

He laughed.

CM Punk: Who am I? I'm the best wrestler to ever grace the ring. I started my career as the best. I've always been the best. I continue to be the best! What do I do? Oh, everyone listening knows what I do. I win matches! Monday I'm going to come out to the ring and I'm going to start by beating two men. Drew Gulak and Ron Killings. That's a combined fifty-nine years of in ring experience by my count! Drew, the young boy of the match, is thirty-three years old. He's been doing this for fifteen years! You would think I'm the grizzled veteran, but you'd be wrong. I've been lacing up boots and telling it how it is for twenty-one years and here I am the middle man. Ron has been killing it, or himself, in the ring for two years longer than I have! In face, Ron has been getting kicked, slapped, suplexed and powerbombed for so long I bet he's forgot more than a veteran like Drew has learned. And that's not discounting Drew, Killings has just made a career of being the bottom man in a two man dog pile if you catch my drift.

Punk broke out in laughter, taking several seconds to calm himself.

CM Punk: That's not fair to say. Ron Killings served SIXTY days as the EBWF X-Division Champion back in the day. SIXTY days. Across three different reigns! His shortest time holding the title was eleven days. Twenty-three years this man has been in the business. Eight thousand three hundred and ninety-five days and he has spent sixty of them with an EBWF title hanging on his shoulder. That almost, but not quite, makes him a one percenter. In fact he might be a one percenter for as much as CEO's of this industry have paid him to come out here, dance around and take the loss!

He motioned for a second by holding up a finger.

CM Punk: Ron is great, fantastic, wonderful, one of the best at making real wrestlers look great. And he's going to do that. He's going to come out Monday and make both Drew and I look fantastic. He's going to serve as a proper back drop as Drew and I face off in a technically sound match. Technically sound is Drew's mantra. Technically sound and twice as boring. You think Drew is going to put butts in seats? No! That's why Drew just now got invited to the EBWF after toiling away in lesser companies his entire career. He has the personality of a wet mop after its been used to clean the bathroom floor. Seriously. Have you seen this guy? Great work ethic. Fantastic in ring ability. May as well not understand how to turn a microphone on. He makes me question if Wes still has all his faculties or if new talent is running so thin we have to call up the bottom of the barrel. That's what Monday nights have been missing. Personality. Entertainment. Talent. And I'm going to bring back all three! I'm going to come out to that ring and make Gulak and Killings do what they've been making audiences do for decades.... GO TO SLEEP! That's right boys, IT'S CLOBBERIN' TIME!

Punk pushed his hand into the camera and walked past it.