Time Travelling Tales

[Sam]

A few months ago… in a pre-COVID world…

In his basement, away from prying eyes, time traveler Paul London was planning his next mission. For many years, he had traveled through space and time… kind of like Doctor Who, but also very different for copyright reasons. Today’s mission was more of a personal one.

Paul London: Time to prove once and for all that the moon landing was fake… Steve, are you ready?

Steve Blackman, who was apparently Paul London’s assistant (because why not?) nodded.

Paul London: Alright then. Here we go…

Paul set the date on his time machine to July 20, 1969, and the location as the moon. Paul and Steve then entered the time machine, and a few moments later, they landed on the moon. Paul could see a rocket ship in the distance, and he motioned to Steve to hide behind a rock. As he did so, he noticed Steve had his kendo stick with him.

Paul London: Why?

Steve Blackman: For protection.

Steve was stoic as ever. Paul shrugged, then waited and listened.

"That's one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind."

Paul London: ...damn it!

Paul sighed then he and Steve headed back to the time machine. As they returned to 2020, the lights in the time machine went out, and the machine started making strange noises. Paul began to panic. Fortunately, they landed back in Paul’s lab safely, although the machine was starting to smoke.

Paul London: That doesn’t look good… are you alright, Steve?

Steve nodded, but as he looked down he realised his kendo stick had been broken. He shook his head, looking dismayed.

Steve Blackman: You… killed… Kenny!

Paul London: It was an accident, Steve… the machine malfunctioned. I’ll buy you a new one, relax.

A human looking Woman popped out from behind the console with blonde-ish brown hair, red marks and white dots on her face. She was curious, she started looking Paul and Steve up and down and getting right in their face, almost if she was smelling them. She looked down and saw Steve Blackman holding one half of a kendo stick, she looked in closer and addressed the room and found the other half. She extended her arm for the Kendo stick. Steve looked confused but Paul being the ever interested motioned for him to give it, which he did.

Woman: Fix.

She held both parts and closed her eyes, with a green light beaming from it, the Kendo Stick was restored to its former greatness! Kris smiled and passed it back to Steve. Steve gasped, then smiled… then fainted. Paul looked at the woman curiously.

Paul London: Impressive. Are you… from the moon?

The woman nodded.

Woman: Moon. One small step for man, one small step for mankind.

Paul London: Oh… yeah. That really happened. Disappointing. Still, it seems like it was a worthwhile trip. This is certainly an interesting development. What’s your name?

Woman: Name?

Paul London: That’s right. Do you have a name?

Woman: Do you have a name?

Paul London: I’m Paul London. What’s your name?

The woman seemed confused. Paul pointed to himself, then pointed to the woman from the moon. She seemed to understand him, but was struggling to communicate. She made a sound.

Woman: Kristatlander.

Paul London: Ah! Kris?

The woman nodded.

Woman: Kristatlander.

Paul London: Kris… Statlander?

Smiling, the woman nodded again.

Paul London: Well, Kris Statlander. Welcome to earth.

Sunday August 2nd 2020

Paul had spent the past few months training his alien protege, Kris Statlander, how to wrestle. Why, you ask? Well, when there’s a global pandemic and you’ve made a new friend from outer space, what else are you going to do? Steve Blackman had tried to help, but his training mostly consisted of sparring with a kendo stick. Still, Kris was learning. She seemed to be able to replicate anything she saw or heard. It was impressive, albeit a little scary. Using Steve as his cameraman, Paul shot a promo from his basement. It was time to introduce Kris Statlander to the world.

Paul London: Good evening, earth. I am the intrepid time traveler, Paul London. Tonight, I want to introduce you to a special talent. A wrestler like no other, from a place like no other… this is Kris Statlander. For the past few months, I have been training her. She has continued to impress me, and after I sent a tape to my good friend Chris Jericho, he offered her an EBWF contract. Isn’t that amazing? I mean maybe it’s down to a shortage of women on the EBWF roster, but I’d prefer to focus on the positives. Tomorrow night, Kris Statlander will make her professional wrestling debut, against the 2020 Queen of the Ring, Becky Lynch. Queen Becky often complains that there isn’t enough competition for her in EBWF… well at Warfare, she’ll be facing someone who is out of this world. I mean that literally.

Paul smirked knowingly.

Paul London: Kris Statlander. Remember the name. You’ve never seen anything like her before. She’s special. And I can guarantee that on Warfare, Becky is in for the fight of her life.

Paul then turned to Kris Statlander.

Paul London: Would you like to say a few words, Kris? This is your chance to introduce yourself to the world. Make it count. Tell Becky Lynch how you’re going to destroy her.

Kris Stantlander: Queen Becky isn’t enough competition. Kristatlander, out of this world. She complains like no other, from a place like no other. Kristatlander literally training make professional wrestling debut at EBWF Tomorrow night. Paul London good friend, Steve Blackman good Kendo Stick. Kristatlander destroy Becky Lynch and make shortage of women.

Paul smiled.

Paul London: I couldn’t have said it better myself. See you tomorrow night, Becky.