The Final Test Subject - Jungle Boy

[Billy]

The shot opens up on a sci-fi looking metal interior. Half the screen is taken up by a steel cage not unlike the ones used to surround the ring during cage matches. In the background there were several panels. Lights of various colors blinked in random patterns. The rest of the panels were covered in nobs and switches. A human figure stepped into frame inside the cage with its back turned to the camera. The long brown hair made it difficult to make out a gender. A spotlight came on, illuminating the cage in a bright white light. Paul London’s voice echoed from off screen.

Paul London
Subject JB-10 appears to be stable and in good working order. Using DNA collected by Agent Statlander I’ve been able to create a specimen of peak physical condition. Subject JB-10, do you understand my vocalizations?

JB-10
Yes? Ten? Are there nine others?

Paul London
Yes, but we don’t talk about them. They were failures! With any luck you will be our first success.

JB-10
Can we speak about the others please?

The figure turned around to reveal itself as Jungle Boy. He pressed close against the cage.

Jungle Boy
I would like to know what they did to be considered failures.

Paul London
The objective of this mission is to develop a world class professional wrestler. Previous incarnations of the JB program have failed on that metric. JB-01 assumed the name Johann Bach. Although he was terrible at wrestling, he was an expert musician. I left him in a time period that needed a musician of his talents before continuing the program.

Jungle Boy
So, if I fail you will leave me somewhere in time to live out my life?

Paul London
Nope! I’ve used up all my passes with the Time Authority. If you fail, I’m going to have to feed you to the dinosaur!

Jungle Boy
There’s a dinosaur?

Paul London
Lots of them!

Jungle Boy
Which one do I get fed to?

Paul London
The green one. We’re getting off track! You wanted to know about your predecessors! JB-02 also failed at being a great athlete. He did turn out to be a decent actor. He took on the name Jeff Bridges. He was doing great until he did a sequel to one of his early greats. There was CGI de-aging involved, it looked awful. It always looks awful! I don’t understand why they don’t get me to bring back the younger versions for these things. That’s besides the point. Acting started to be a thing for the line and it took me a while to work it out. JB-03 took the name Jason Biggs. Slightly funny and slightly talented at acting. JB-04 was given less of that comedy and we get Jessica Biel. She married a musician which got me to thinking. I added some of the musician in and got JB-05 who decided to call himself Jack Black. I was hoping with a metal name he would be a great warrior. NOPE! Decent musician, kinda funny, eh actor. More musician and I got JB-06. He calls himself Justin Bieber. We’re not going to talk about JB-06 past that. I consider him a deep personal failure. Number seven I had to reset to change everything. No more music, no more acting. No! That’s what was causing the constant failures! JB-07 is now calling himself Jeff Bezos. Sometimes I have to go back to him for some capital but I do it sparingly because well… He’s mostly evil! I did some tweaking of his genetic code and made JB-08. We’re not going to talk anymore about him. No name. You’re better off not knowing who he is. JB-09 was my most successful test to date. Not a great warrior but a good leader. He decided on a life of politics when I released him to the wild.

Jungle Boy
Okay, so what do I have to do in order to prove myself a great warrior?

Paul London
There’s this event called the Royal Rumble. Thirty warriors enter the ring and only one of them gets declared the victor.

Jungle Boy
And I have to win this Royal Rumble?

Paul London
Oh no, that would be cruel! You just have to have a good enough showing that you don’t completely embarrass me!

Jungle Boy
And then I get to keep living?

Paul London
Yes! That’s the plan! I’ll take you back to the year two thousand and twenty-one. I’ll pull JB-09 out of the match and I’ll insert you into it. Just like I’ve done for all the others. No one in the time stream will be aware of the change. Perhaps if you do well enough I won’t have to keep changing this one point in time.

Jungle Boy
What’s so important about this one point in time?

Paul London
This event is integral in the pattern of the future. If the wrong person wins this match it has knock on effects that leads to an apocalypse of great proportions.

Jungle Boy
Is there such a thing as an apocalypse of normal proportions?

Paul London
Good point! So, I’m going to put you through the typical training with Statlander and the dinosaur. Probably the red one! Then I’m going to let you study the other competitors in the Royal Rumble. Then we will make the journey!

The screen fades to black. “One ETERNITY later” is drawn on the screen. A deep voice that avoids the copyright claims of a certain sponge reads the subtitle. The screen fades back into Jungle Boy sitting in front of a stack of manilla folders. The one open has a picture of Bray Wyatt paper clipped to the top.

Jungle Boy
So let me get this straight, not all of the people in this match were brought here by you right?

Paul London is still speaking from off screen.

Paul London
That’s right! There are many unique circumstances that came about to bring this selection of warriors to one place in that specific point of time.

Jungle Boy
Kane, Christian, Chavo, Jericho, Punk, Mysterio, Edge and Maven are your doing right? Looking over their profiles, there has to be some kind of time travel involved in getting all of them to the year 2021 in their primes.

Paul London
Oh, no! None of those actually. And, none of them come to the Royal Rumble in the prime of their career. More like the twilight of their careers.

Jungle Boy
That makes this a lot easier. Can you tell me which one of them is supposed to win?

Paul London
No, I can’t. If I told you that it would take the trial out of your trial. It would make the entire testing process null and void. I’d have to dispose of you!

Jungle Boy
Okay. So those aren’t victims of time travel. What about Finn Balor and Bray Wyatt? They are both possessed by entities outside of their control. Like the vessel for some greater purpose. That sounds like something you would have a hand in.

Paul London
Those two? Are you kidding? You thought JB-04 was a failure. I wouldn’t claim those two as rejects if all of time and space depended on it. And, if I made them it very well might!

Jungle Boy
Okay well I know the Dinosaur is your work!

Paul London
Absolutely!

Jungle Boy
And, I know you are working for you.

Paul London
Maybe not this version of me. It’s too soon to tell.

Jungle Boy
Cryptic much? I think I understand everything now. So when do we leave for this Royal Rumble.

Paul London
Are you sure you’re ready?

Jungle Boy
Yes!

Paul London (screaming)
Statlander! Set a course for THE Royal Rumble! We have work to do!

The screen shakes as lights flicker on and off rapidly. Then a loud crashing sound echoes as the shot cuts quickly to black.

[Ashlee]

Incredible.