Another year, another Royal Rumble pay per view event. Once again, the Cerebral Lassassin better known as Becky Lynch is participating in the Women’s Rumble match. However, unlike last year, Becky is not entering from the first two positions, and having a distinct disadvantage. This year, Becky got the luck of the draw as she is the final entrant in the Women’s Rumble match.
Once again, the camera crew is live at the set of Becky Lynch’s movie. Sitting side by side during a break in filming are none other than Becky Lynch and Winter. The topic of the discussion is of course the Royal Rumble.
“Last year…” Becky begins “I drew number 2 in the Women’s Rumble. To the surprise of absolutely no one, I ended up makin’ it to the end. I carried the weight of that entire Rumble match on my boulder shoulders. We all saw what happened. The least deservin’ woman in wrestlin’ history took my spot at WrestleMania XIX, and ended up with the reign that was mine to have. While she had the title reign handed to her on a silver platter, I was wastin’ my time with Britt Baker at WrestleMania. I wasted my time with the Queen of the Ring tournament. I had to jump through every hoop and over every hurdle in order to get my well-earned title match.”
“If it weren’t fer that useless bitch Natalya costin’ me the title at SummerSlam, I’d be the one defendin’ that piece of tin and styrofoam, the cheap gaudy-lookin’ trash heap that Trish carries to this day in my place, at the Royal Rumble.” Becky shakes her head and rolls her eyes in disgust.
“So, now I’m back at the Royal Rumble, where this all began fer me last year. This year, I’m winnin’ the Women’s Rumble. No one deserves it more than I do. It’s my win just like it shoulda been my win last year. Instead, they gave it to some coont that fooks off fer weeks and months on end, thus wastin’ everyone’s time.”
“Rebecca, you are not the only one that will be entering the Royal Rumble this year.” The Satanic Diva says. “Yes, not only will you be in this Women’s Rumble, I will be joining you and I can guarantee that should anyone oppose either of us, then it will be a massacre. Jonestown, Guyana will pale in comparison to what Rebecca and I have in store for anyone that decides to cross our path.”
At that moment, Becky mouths the word “Jonestown,” somewhat shocked, though not really, that Winter would bring that up for comparison.
“There are thirteen other bodies that will enter this Women’s Rumble with us and that means thirteen burial plots to be filled. Why the plots are all singular when it would have just been easier to make it a mass grave, I have no idea, but an individual grave awaits each of the other thirteen entrants. The other thirteen entrants in the Women’s Rumble are nothing but our victims, our playthings to do with what we wish. Let us take a look at the other entrants, shall we?”
Winter holds up a picture of Alexa Bliss. “First up is Alexa Bliss.”
Becky smirks and shakes her head. “Yer kiddin’, right? Who hasn’t she lost to? Every time Alexa stepped into the ring with either of us, we beat her senseless and that’s not changin’ at the Rumble. In fact, we’ll just make the beatin’ worse, that is if she actually makes it to the end. I mean, she’ll probably have her arse tossed out before number three comes out.”
Winter holds up a picture of Mandy Rose next. [crimson=crimson]“Mandy Rose.”[/color]
An eyebrow shoots up on the face of the Cerebral Lassassin. “Again, ya gotta be kiddin’ me. Like Alexa Bliss, who hasn’t beat her. If anythin’, she should just stick to ratin’ donuts. It’d certainly be a lot less hazardous to her health than steppin’ into the ring with us, but again, like Alexa, I can see her bein’ gone by the number 3 comes out.”
Winter chimes in. “Also, what does a golden goddess have that the Devil doesn’t?”
“Nothin’.” Becky says matter of factly. “A so called ‘goddess’ has nothin’ on the devil.”
Winter holds up a picture of Nikki Cross. “This is someone that you know pretty well, Rebecca. Nikki Cross.”
Becky chuckles and shakes her head. “Nikki… Nikki, Nikki, Nikki…” Becky begins. “At one point, I coulda seen me and her bein’ best friends, but we just grew apart and now she’s followin’ Alexa around like a little lapdog, hopin’ to steal one of Alexa’s thongs or somethin’. Fookin’ pervert.”
“She steals thongs?” Winter says with a raised eyebrow. “How do you know that?”
“There’d be times that I go to take a shower and Nikki’s the only other person in the locker room. I have my clothes all organized fer the show. I come back my out, my fookin’ thongs are missin’. So, connect the dots on that one. There was a time where she was wearin’ a skirt, she raised the front of it like in Braveheart, and she was wearin’ one of my thongs. I still owe her fer that. I hope she makes it until I get out there, so I can beat her senseless. Of course, not sure how that’d work, because she’s a fookin’ masochist.”
Winter holds up a picture of Torrie Wilson. “Torrie Wilson.”
Becky shakes her head and rolls her eyes again. “Like Alexa Bliss and Mandy Rose, she’s not worth my time and will be eliminated before I even get out there.”
Winter holds up a picture of Eva Marie. “Eva Marie.”
Becky chuckles before answering. “Again, a waste of an entrant. Also, a really horrible actress. If she ever starred in a movie, she’d sweep the Razzie awards.”
Winter holds up a picture of Natalya. “Natalya.”
Upon seeing the picture of the Queen of Harts, the reaction from the Cerebral Lassassin instantly changes from laughter to a sour look. Becky purses her lips and glares at the picture. “She’s the reason why I’m not champion. She screwed me outta the title at SummerSlam. I definitely expect her to be there when I get out there. When I get out there, she has a hell of a receipt comin’ to her. When I get out there, it’ll be nothin’ more than pure torture fer her. The torture that I’ll put her through will give the BTK Killer night terrors. She’s gonna learn that ya don’t fook with the Cerebral Lassassin.”
Winter chimes in. “I also owe her for attacking me without provocation. Rebecca, I cannot make any promises, but I will try to leave a little piece of Natalya for you.” Winter says before holding up a picture of Leva Bates. “Leva Bates…”
Becky smirks and chuckles. “She seems to be better at tellin’ stories and playin’ video games than she is at bein’ a wrestler. That’s not to say that she can’t be a threat. I mean, I’m sure she knows the plan that you and I have in store. She’s smart, but not smart enough to outsmart me…”
“Or me.” Winter says with a smirk.
“If she’s still in the ring when I get there…” Becky begins. “Leva’s gonna learn first hand that this isn’t a comic book. This isn’t a video game. This is real life and real life has real consequences. Steppin’ into the ring with either of us will only end up with her sufferin’ from a broken body and broken spirit.”
Winter holds up a picture of Kacy Catanzaro. “Kacy Catanzaro.”
“She’ll end up bein’ eliminated before number nine comes out.” Becky says. “Nothin’ to worry about here.”
Winter holds up a picture of Ronda Rousey. “Ronda Rousey.”
Becky breaks out into full-blown laughter. “Yer kiddin’, right? Ya gotta be fookin’ kiddin’ me. It’s the whiny little bitch that ran away from UFC after gettin’ her ass beat twice, and then she ran away from here after I made her my bitch! To paraphrase Vince McMahon, ‘There is no chance in hell she will ever win the Rumble.’ In fact, after I beat her like the redheaded stepchild of the women’s division that she is, she can crawl back into obscurity where she belongs, never to darken a doorway with her mediocre skills ever again!”
Winter holds up a picture of herself. “Me.”
Becky smiles warmly before answering. “My best friend. Someone I owe a lot to and I look forward to her and me bein’ the final two in the Rumble. While I know that there aren’t any friends in the Rumble match itself, our bond will always remain.”
Winter pulls Becky into a hug and kisses the top her head before continuing. She holds up a picture of Britt Baker. “Britt Baker.”
“Heh.” Becky lets out. “Faced her numerous times last year, most notably at WrestleMania XIX. I destroyed her at every turn. She should stick to butcherin’ mouths and stay far away from the ring. If she steps up to me, she’s leavin’ with her jaw wired shut.”
Winter holds up a picture of Lana. “The Ravishing Russian, Lana.”
“Much like Alexa Bliss, Eva Marie, Mandy Rose, and Kacy Catanzaro, she’s not a threat. She’s a waste of a Rumble entry. Like them, her only purpose is to pad someone’s number of eliminations. Her chances of winnin’ the Rumble are zero, zilch.”
Winter holds up a picture of Tay Conti. “Tay Conti.”
“Another mixed martial artist?” Becky shakes her head and rolls her eyes. “I’m not worried. The last time I was in the ring with a mixed martial artist, I made her cry and run away fer a year. What makes Tay think I won’t do that to her too? There’s nothin’ stoppin’ me from doin’ that. Also, why am I supposed to care that she’s a mixed martial artist? This is pro wrestlin’. People pay to see wrestlers, entertainers like me. If they wanted to watch MMA fighters, they’d watch MMA fights.”
Winter holds up a picture of Raquel Diaz. “Raquel Diaz.”
“She got lucky the last time she was in the ring with me. The only reason she beat me was because of Eddie’s mantra of lie, cheat, and steal. Put her in the ring with me at the Rumble, and I guarantee that mantra won’t help her again. If she attempts it, I’ll beat her to death.” Becky says matter of factly. “No fancy threat, no beatin’ around the bush. I’ll just beat her to death.”
Winter holds up a picture of Becky Lynch. “Finally, Becky Lynch.”
The Cerebral Lassassin nods her head with a smirk. “The hardest worker in the company. Someone that’s been overlooked fer the last year. Someone that carried the Women’s Rumble last year and will do it again this year. The only difference is that the Rumble win will go the most deservin’ individual in the division, her, this year as opposed to bein’ wasted on some old coont that doesn’t know when to fook off. She had to overcome so much to get to this point. She had to overcome bein’ screwed over at SummerSlam. She had to overcome every obstacle in her way, and she has. Anyone but Becky Lynch winnin’ the Women’s Rumble would a travesty. It would be a miscarriage of justice.”
Becky looks up into the camera. “No one but Becky Lynch deserves to win the Women’s Rumble, and that’s exactly what she’s gonna do, because it’s her time. She carried this division since her return last year, and it’s time that she gets her due. It’s time that she wins the Rumble, and she will win the Rumble. When Becky wins the Rumble and goes on to WrestleMania, she’s takin’ that piece of styrofoam and tuna fish cans that they call the EBWF Women’s Championship, and she’s gonna give it its highest prestige in history. Why? Because I can… And I will.”
Once again, the camera crew is live at the set of Becky Lynch’s movie. Sitting side by side during a break in filming are none other than Becky Lynch and Winter. The topic of the discussion is of course the Royal Rumble.
“Last year…” Becky begins “I drew number 2 in the Women’s Rumble. To the surprise of absolutely no one, I ended up makin’ it to the end. I carried the weight of that entire Rumble match on my boulder shoulders. We all saw what happened. The least deservin’ woman in wrestlin’ history took my spot at WrestleMania XIX, and ended up with the reign that was mine to have. While she had the title reign handed to her on a silver platter, I was wastin’ my time with Britt Baker at WrestleMania. I wasted my time with the Queen of the Ring tournament. I had to jump through every hoop and over every hurdle in order to get my well-earned title match.”
“If it weren’t fer that useless bitch Natalya costin’ me the title at SummerSlam, I’d be the one defendin’ that piece of tin and styrofoam, the cheap gaudy-lookin’ trash heap that Trish carries to this day in my place, at the Royal Rumble.” Becky shakes her head and rolls her eyes in disgust.
“So, now I’m back at the Royal Rumble, where this all began fer me last year. This year, I’m winnin’ the Women’s Rumble. No one deserves it more than I do. It’s my win just like it shoulda been my win last year. Instead, they gave it to some coont that fooks off fer weeks and months on end, thus wastin’ everyone’s time.”
“Rebecca, you are not the only one that will be entering the Royal Rumble this year.” The Satanic Diva says. “Yes, not only will you be in this Women’s Rumble, I will be joining you and I can guarantee that should anyone oppose either of us, then it will be a massacre. Jonestown, Guyana will pale in comparison to what Rebecca and I have in store for anyone that decides to cross our path.”
At that moment, Becky mouths the word “Jonestown,” somewhat shocked, though not really, that Winter would bring that up for comparison.
“There are thirteen other bodies that will enter this Women’s Rumble with us and that means thirteen burial plots to be filled. Why the plots are all singular when it would have just been easier to make it a mass grave, I have no idea, but an individual grave awaits each of the other thirteen entrants. The other thirteen entrants in the Women’s Rumble are nothing but our victims, our playthings to do with what we wish. Let us take a look at the other entrants, shall we?”
Winter holds up a picture of Alexa Bliss. “First up is Alexa Bliss.”
Becky smirks and shakes her head. “Yer kiddin’, right? Who hasn’t she lost to? Every time Alexa stepped into the ring with either of us, we beat her senseless and that’s not changin’ at the Rumble. In fact, we’ll just make the beatin’ worse, that is if she actually makes it to the end. I mean, she’ll probably have her arse tossed out before number three comes out.”
Winter holds up a picture of Mandy Rose next. [crimson=crimson]“Mandy Rose.”[/color]
An eyebrow shoots up on the face of the Cerebral Lassassin. “Again, ya gotta be kiddin’ me. Like Alexa Bliss, who hasn’t beat her. If anythin’, she should just stick to ratin’ donuts. It’d certainly be a lot less hazardous to her health than steppin’ into the ring with us, but again, like Alexa, I can see her bein’ gone by the number 3 comes out.”
Winter chimes in. “Also, what does a golden goddess have that the Devil doesn’t?”
“Nothin’.” Becky says matter of factly. “A so called ‘goddess’ has nothin’ on the devil.”
Winter holds up a picture of Nikki Cross. “This is someone that you know pretty well, Rebecca. Nikki Cross.”
Becky chuckles and shakes her head. “Nikki… Nikki, Nikki, Nikki…” Becky begins. “At one point, I coulda seen me and her bein’ best friends, but we just grew apart and now she’s followin’ Alexa around like a little lapdog, hopin’ to steal one of Alexa’s thongs or somethin’. Fookin’ pervert.”
“She steals thongs?” Winter says with a raised eyebrow. “How do you know that?”
“There’d be times that I go to take a shower and Nikki’s the only other person in the locker room. I have my clothes all organized fer the show. I come back my out, my fookin’ thongs are missin’. So, connect the dots on that one. There was a time where she was wearin’ a skirt, she raised the front of it like in Braveheart, and she was wearin’ one of my thongs. I still owe her fer that. I hope she makes it until I get out there, so I can beat her senseless. Of course, not sure how that’d work, because she’s a fookin’ masochist.”
Winter holds up a picture of Torrie Wilson. “Torrie Wilson.”
Becky shakes her head and rolls her eyes again. “Like Alexa Bliss and Mandy Rose, she’s not worth my time and will be eliminated before I even get out there.”
Winter holds up a picture of Eva Marie. “Eva Marie.”
Becky chuckles before answering. “Again, a waste of an entrant. Also, a really horrible actress. If she ever starred in a movie, she’d sweep the Razzie awards.”
Winter holds up a picture of Natalya. “Natalya.”
Upon seeing the picture of the Queen of Harts, the reaction from the Cerebral Lassassin instantly changes from laughter to a sour look. Becky purses her lips and glares at the picture. “She’s the reason why I’m not champion. She screwed me outta the title at SummerSlam. I definitely expect her to be there when I get out there. When I get out there, she has a hell of a receipt comin’ to her. When I get out there, it’ll be nothin’ more than pure torture fer her. The torture that I’ll put her through will give the BTK Killer night terrors. She’s gonna learn that ya don’t fook with the Cerebral Lassassin.”
Winter chimes in. “I also owe her for attacking me without provocation. Rebecca, I cannot make any promises, but I will try to leave a little piece of Natalya for you.” Winter says before holding up a picture of Leva Bates. “Leva Bates…”
Becky smirks and chuckles. “She seems to be better at tellin’ stories and playin’ video games than she is at bein’ a wrestler. That’s not to say that she can’t be a threat. I mean, I’m sure she knows the plan that you and I have in store. She’s smart, but not smart enough to outsmart me…”
“Or me.” Winter says with a smirk.
“If she’s still in the ring when I get there…” Becky begins. “Leva’s gonna learn first hand that this isn’t a comic book. This isn’t a video game. This is real life and real life has real consequences. Steppin’ into the ring with either of us will only end up with her sufferin’ from a broken body and broken spirit.”
Winter holds up a picture of Kacy Catanzaro. “Kacy Catanzaro.”
“She’ll end up bein’ eliminated before number nine comes out.” Becky says. “Nothin’ to worry about here.”
Winter holds up a picture of Ronda Rousey. “Ronda Rousey.”
Becky breaks out into full-blown laughter. “Yer kiddin’, right? Ya gotta be fookin’ kiddin’ me. It’s the whiny little bitch that ran away from UFC after gettin’ her ass beat twice, and then she ran away from here after I made her my bitch! To paraphrase Vince McMahon, ‘There is no chance in hell she will ever win the Rumble.’ In fact, after I beat her like the redheaded stepchild of the women’s division that she is, she can crawl back into obscurity where she belongs, never to darken a doorway with her mediocre skills ever again!”
Winter holds up a picture of herself. “Me.”
Becky smiles warmly before answering. “My best friend. Someone I owe a lot to and I look forward to her and me bein’ the final two in the Rumble. While I know that there aren’t any friends in the Rumble match itself, our bond will always remain.”
Winter pulls Becky into a hug and kisses the top her head before continuing. She holds up a picture of Britt Baker. “Britt Baker.”
“Heh.” Becky lets out. “Faced her numerous times last year, most notably at WrestleMania XIX. I destroyed her at every turn. She should stick to butcherin’ mouths and stay far away from the ring. If she steps up to me, she’s leavin’ with her jaw wired shut.”
Winter holds up a picture of Lana. “The Ravishing Russian, Lana.”
“Much like Alexa Bliss, Eva Marie, Mandy Rose, and Kacy Catanzaro, she’s not a threat. She’s a waste of a Rumble entry. Like them, her only purpose is to pad someone’s number of eliminations. Her chances of winnin’ the Rumble are zero, zilch.”
Winter holds up a picture of Tay Conti. “Tay Conti.”
“Another mixed martial artist?” Becky shakes her head and rolls her eyes. “I’m not worried. The last time I was in the ring with a mixed martial artist, I made her cry and run away fer a year. What makes Tay think I won’t do that to her too? There’s nothin’ stoppin’ me from doin’ that. Also, why am I supposed to care that she’s a mixed martial artist? This is pro wrestlin’. People pay to see wrestlers, entertainers like me. If they wanted to watch MMA fighters, they’d watch MMA fights.”
Winter holds up a picture of Raquel Diaz. “Raquel Diaz.”
“She got lucky the last time she was in the ring with me. The only reason she beat me was because of Eddie’s mantra of lie, cheat, and steal. Put her in the ring with me at the Rumble, and I guarantee that mantra won’t help her again. If she attempts it, I’ll beat her to death.” Becky says matter of factly. “No fancy threat, no beatin’ around the bush. I’ll just beat her to death.”
Winter holds up a picture of Becky Lynch. “Finally, Becky Lynch.”
The Cerebral Lassassin nods her head with a smirk. “The hardest worker in the company. Someone that’s been overlooked fer the last year. Someone that carried the Women’s Rumble last year and will do it again this year. The only difference is that the Rumble win will go the most deservin’ individual in the division, her, this year as opposed to bein’ wasted on some old coont that doesn’t know when to fook off. She had to overcome so much to get to this point. She had to overcome bein’ screwed over at SummerSlam. She had to overcome every obstacle in her way, and she has. Anyone but Becky Lynch winnin’ the Women’s Rumble would a travesty. It would be a miscarriage of justice.”
Becky looks up into the camera. “No one but Becky Lynch deserves to win the Women’s Rumble, and that’s exactly what she’s gonna do, because it’s her time. She carried this division since her return last year, and it’s time that she gets her due. It’s time that she wins the Rumble, and she will win the Rumble. When Becky wins the Rumble and goes on to WrestleMania, she’s takin’ that piece of styrofoam and tuna fish cans that they call the EBWF Women’s Championship, and she’s gonna give it its highest prestige in history. Why? Because I can… And I will.”
