Adam didn’t remember sitting down at the desk in their hotel room, but that’s where he was, sat back in the chair, right leg bouncing, left hand drumming against the desk. Houston was unseasonably warm, and they’d enjoyed a long walk outside before stopping for some take out. Adam’s food was untouched on the desk, and he looked up at his… girlfriend? life partner? Trish. He looked up at his Trish with a confused expression that he quickly tried to mask.
Trish Stratus: You’ve hardly touched your food, and you can’t sit still.
He nodded.
Adam Copeland: I’m nervous for Randy. That’s all.
Trish chuckled.
Trish Stratus: Randy isn’t even nervous for Randy. I thought I loved myself.
Adam Copeland: Yeah, except yours is confidence, and Randy’s is used as a distraction to cover up his constant fear that he’s somehow going to screw it all up.
Trish smiled.
Trish Stratus: Is that really all this is?
She gestured toward his still bouncing leg.
Trish Stratus: Randy? Who seems to be doing just fine for himself.
Adam sighed and grabbed his fork, shoving a huge bite in his mouth. He chewed slowly, and once he swallowed, seemed to come clean.
Adam Copeland: I don’t like some of the digs these guys are taking.
Trish’s eyebrows raised in surprise.
Adam Copeland: It’s starting to feel a little personal.
Trish Stratus: You’re… feeling slighted by promos?
Adam Copeland: Did you see Wes’ promo this afternoon? Live from headquarters! Wes Ikeda… Wes Ikeda of all people, called me a sidekick without a side to kick.
Trish Stratus: A sidekick without a side to kick just starts kickin’.
Adam Copeland: Good ref, but it still stung a little bit.
Trish Stratus: Honey, it’s the nature of the business. We just say stuff when the little red light comes on. You know this. You’re the best at this. You invented some of this.
He nodded.
Adam Copeland: I just wonder. Ya know, I got a lot more of these behind me than I do in front of me.
Trish Stratus: We both do.
Adam Copeland: And Randy’s always going to have more time than I do, because he’s always going to be six years younger than me. I’ve gotten into the best shape of my life, and I just want…
Trish Stratus: One more run?
Adam Copeland: I’m not jealous that Randy is getting his shot.
Trish Stratus: Weird thing to say, since I didn’t bring that up, but okay.
Adam Copeland: He’s brilliant.
Trish Stratus: You’re both brilliant. It’s why you work so well together. It’s why you’re best friends and have been for all these years.
Adam Copeland: Why do you think Jay is coming back right now?
And there it was. Adam’s inability to relax had nothing to do with wanting his own opportunity or being nervous for Randy. It had everything to do with Jay Reso.
Trish Stratus: Fuck Jay, seriously.
Adam nodded.
Trish Stratus: You two will always have a deep history, and you’ll always be cordial to each other, but that friendship ran its course for a lot of reasons.
Adam Copeland: I mean it mostly ran it’s course because of you, but yes.
Trish Stratus: Well, that and Jay and Randy could never get along.
Adam Copeland: Well, sixty percent of that was because Randy was off his meds and the other forty percent of that is that Jay is a dick, but yeah, they’re a little like oil and water.
Trish Stratus: No matter what has happened between you and Jay, you two will be in the ring together tomorrow night, and it will be just as automatic and effortless as it always was. It never mattered if you and Jay were at each other’s throats. You two in the ring together is a whole other level. It’ll be good.
Adam Copeland: I just don’t want him to try to work his way back into our life. He didn’t even call me when mom died. He sent an email.
Trish Stratus: Can you blame him? It’s been awkward between you two for a long time.
Adam nodded.
Adam Copeland: I guess that’s true.
Trish Stratus: Just try not to worry. You have good placement in the entries. He’ll be out a couple guys after you. If you want to win, you just have to go for it. Ya know?
Adam Copeland: Ah, easier said than done with that advice.
Adam took another bite, and grabbed his phone.
Trish Stratus: You want to watch a movie?
Adam Copeland: Yeah, find something somewhere between chick flick and gore please.
Trish Stratus: Action movie it is.
She picked up the remote. Adam unlocked his phone and tapped out a text message.
Adam
Got a sec?
The reply came swiftly.
Randy
At dinner with Nic. What’s up?
The left side of Adam’s mouth lifted in a grin. The ‘at dinner with Nic’ was a warning the replies might be slow, but the ‘what’s up?’ was an invitation to say whatever he was thinking.
Adam
Got time to workout in the morning?
Adam was able to take a few more bites and wash them down with water before his phone lit up again.
Randy
I do if you want to be up at 5am.
Adam
Yeah. We can ride together. I’ll meet you at your car.
Randy
Sounds good.
Adam put his phone aside and continued his meal, but just as Trish was slowing down on her scrolling through movie choices, the screen lit up again.
Randy
Did something happen?
Adam
No, just going to watch a movie with Trish. Enjoy dinner. Give Nic my love.
Adam saw the dots. Then they disappeared. Then they started up again. He nearly laughed when he read the message that came through. Randy was probably sitting over a 30oz Porterhouse, enjoying one beer, and knowing Adam better than anyone else on the planet.
Randy
I will. Get out of your own head.
Adam shook his head, allowed a small chuckle and stood up to join Trish on the couch in front of the TV. Tomorrow was going to be good, no matter the outcome, because Adam was Edge, and Edge was a legend.
The scene opened on Edge’s face. It was a tight shot that looked like it was being filmed on an iPhone, and Edge looked in his element as he went live.
Edge: The Road to Wrestlemania is fabled. To most people it might seem like a long time between Christmas Eve of Destruction and Wrestlemania, but really, it’s the shortest turn around time we get here in EBWF. It all goes by in the blink of an eye, and that’s honestly because it’s so damn fun. Everyone back here wants to win the Rumble. Everyone back here wants to go to Wrestlemania. Because everyone back here wants to be EBWF World Champion. It’s what we’re all here for. It’s the only thing that matters.
I think somewhere along the way I became misunderstood. There’s been an interesting word floating around. And adjective that’s being used to describe me, that has never described me, but for some reason is picking up steam. More than one man on this roster has called me lazy. Me. One of the hardest damn workers that’s ever been. Me. A guy who has fought for every opportunity he’s ever had. Lazy. Me!
Edge shook his head incredulously.
Edge: What you have all failed to understand is that I am so far above you, so far out of your league, so stratospheric, untouchable, that it isn’t that I’m lazy. It’s that I have earned it. I have earned the right to show up when I want. Work when I want. Win when I want. Take what I want. I have earned that right. And all of you call me what you will because you wish you were me. You wish it came so effortlessly. You wish you could be a natural. But you aren’t. And you can’t. So you call it laziness. You call my funny quips and sarcasm phoning it in. You think that just because I prefer to choose my spots that I can’t hack it anymore. You all have no idea.
I’m in better shape than half the roster, and I can still wrestle circles around all of you. A point I’m going to have to prove in the Royal Rumble Match tonight, against 29 men who all think of themselves as the next big thing. Who see themselves as champions. And that makes it only fitting that a former EBWF World Champion would be the first man out to the ring.
Aiden English, you’ve carved out quite the little niche for yourself here in EBWF. You did that by being different, unlike anything we’d ever seen before, and being good at it too. But the lights got a little too hot, and you kind of had a few identity crisis along the way. Left. Came back. And then it was like you were a second year quarterback, or a mid-year baseball pitching sensation, we’d figured you out. The same plays weren’t working any more. We exposed you. You were simply average at all things and masquerading as something special. Don’t worry about it though, Aiden. I can name five guys employed by this company right now that build their whole careers on the same thing. You aren’t a unicorn. You aren’t going to walk in number one and walk out the winner, not again. It’ll be June before anyone lets you sniff at a World Title opportunity, rematch clause or none, huh?
I’ve committed this entry list to memory, because I want to be sure I know exactly what to expect, and EBWF didn’t disappoint me this year. There’s a little bit of something for everyone. Indy guys, young guys, Kane for some reason. It’s all very different, but the outcome will be the same. The outcome will be one of the EBWF stalwarts taking up the mantel and reminding the entire world why EBWF is the premiere wrestling company in the world. It isn’t because we can attract big names like Colten Gun though, oof. I mean, Colten. Your dad wasn’t even that good. His biggest claim to fame was the guys he hung around with, not anything he actually did. So, welcome to the big leagues kid. I doubt I’ll have the opportunity to step into the ring with you, and if I do, your smug face is the first one I want to send up and over.
Edge held up three fingers to signal that he was speaking about entry number three.
Remember when you had honor, Chavo? Remember when you weren’t just Aiden English’s bootlicker? I know you got to dig back real far into the recesses of your mind for that one, but you used to be a proud Guerrero. Eddie would be ashamed of this. You should be running the Kingdom, not playing puppet to some man who married into your family. Think on that when he’s throwing you out of the ring tonight.
Edge chuckled to himself.
And then number four. The man who can go all night long. The nicest bad guy in the business. We’ve sure seen some shit haven’t we, Chris? Years and years of this and it never gets old. The thing I love about you is that we’re here for the same reasons. We just love it. We just love wrestling, and we love EBWF. I don’t care what phase of reinvention you’re in in your career, it is always my honor to share a ring with you. So do your best to hang around and we’ll see what kind of show we can put on.
Moving down this very long list, Kenny Omega has the interesting distinction of being the only man to win the EBWF title by winning the Royal Rumble match. Then he promptly lost it. Then he promptly left, never to be heard from again until now. What’s wrong, Kenny? Had to go back to Japan? Take a little trip to that shit promotion down in Florida? No, not that one. The other one.
Edge grinned.
Edge: I get it. Couldn’t survive as a small fish in our big pond, so you had to go be a big fish in super shallow waters. It’s good. You’re not going to be as lucky this year. You’ve got a whole pissed off locker room full of EBWF guys who will make sure of it.
Gotta keep things interesting and mysterious with a few mystery entrants here. Not sure why two of them are coming in back to back, but I’ve been on Reddit enough to know that EBWF creative is stale and terrible, so I’m sure whoever those guys coming out sixth and seventh are will have as good a chance as anyone else.
Edge rolled his eyes.
Elias enters the rumble as just another guy enamored with Aiden English and the whole delusion that The Kingdom is somehow headed to Wrestlemania in every important match. Elias, are you not painfully aware that you are a not a member of the Guerrero-English family, and they will sell you out like a lamb to slaughter the first chance they get if necessary? You sure have a lot of faith in people who have done nothing for your career except use to justify their own ends. I’m surprised you don’t sleep with one eye open. I’m also surprised you believe that Aiden English is going to let you win this match. You know as well as I do that if you did make it to the end, it’d be Chavo. Think about it.
Number 9, Tommaso Ciampa - you still work here? That’s the joke of the week right? I’m lazy, and you still work here. Cool. We got that out of the way. You’re a mean son of a bitch, Tommaso, you know that? And I think it’s funny that the only person you called out by name was Randy. Randy Orton isn’t in this match, but there are 29 men, including your body Grimes, who would like to see you up and out. Maybe Randy can sign an autograph for you when you’re being helped to the back. That’s about as close as you’re going to get to an opportunity to face him.
I don’t want to just simply gloss over people, it’s not my style. But number 10 is Jungle Boy and number 11 is Luchasaurus and I have to be honest. I don’t really know where to begin. I’ve seen a lot of things. Gilberg, Doink the Clown, The Boogeyman. I survived the Funkasaurus and his Funkadactyls. I do not even know where to start with these two. Um, best of luck? Stay out of time machines. Avoid Paul London? Your brain may be rotting? I…
Hey! I’m entering at number 12. That’ll be some welcome excitement to an otherwise bland match that hasn’t had an entry anyone cared about since Jericho entered back at number four. After me comes Bray Wyatt. Or maybe it’ll be the Fiend. I can’t say. I do know that this guy is one twisted individual. I also know that singles matches are his forte. He’s not a threat in crowds. In fact, I’d hazard a guess that our goal will be to team up to eliminate him. Solid plan.
Coming in at number 14 is Christian.
Edge shrugged.
Interesting company you’re keeping these days, Jay. Although, I guess lately you have been collecting friends that you feel you’re better than just so you can make yourself look good. Isn’t that embarrassing? To pull out two old guys who can’t hold a candle to you, just to what? Prove that to them? I’m glad you’re in this match. I’m going to be glad to knock you senseless too. Right before I throw you over the top rope.
Fifteen is Mike. Nope. Said all that needed to be said literally every time I beat him. And honestly, I’m bored. And my boredom isn’t going to be cured by Doc Gallows coming out either. What a snooze fest.
Here’s a little vitality in the match. Maxwell Jacob Friedman, welcome to the big leagues! Got to say, I’m thrilled to see you here. You’ve been working hard. Promo master. Hard to be mad that you found an opportunity and you’re going to take it. You aren’t going to win at my expense, but you can make a good showing of it, and who knows… maybe you’ll get a long term contract and have the opportunity to try to beat me again someday.
Number 18, look everyone. Kane’s here! With Maven for some reason! Isn’t that exciting? No? It isn’t? Why didn’t EBWF management know that? Why would they sign these people. Isn’t Maven a big Hollywood star? Doesn’t he have literally anywhere else to be? We can hope so, because Punk will be out just after him, and I have a feeling that Punk will want to throw Maven right over the top rope immediately. I’ll point and laugh. Years from now people will call it the highlight of the 2021 Royal Rumble. Book it.
I haven’t had the opportunity to check out Drew Gulak’s PowerPoint presentation, but I hear I’m mentioned. I hear the word ‘lazy’ was brought up again. I don’t know that I need that kind of talk from a man who promos via PowerPoint, but more power to you Drew. I mean, at least that way no one has to listen to you talk.
Karl Anderson. I hardly know who that is. Is that Ken Kennedy? Is that the guy from the Matrix? i saw Sami Zayn backstage with a protest sign. I thought he was a homeless man. I laid a twenty by his feet, because I’m nothing if not generous and he yelled at me for being part of the machine. So that’s basically how my afternoon is going. I don’t think you’re going to make it very far in this match if all you’re concerned with is buying into conspiracy theories. That’s bound to get you off focus.
Austin Gunn… is that Colten’s brother? Are you real life brothers or just wrestling brothers? If Billy Gunn is your dad, that’s probably not a real point of pride in your family. If Billy Gunn isn’t your dad, you’re pretending he is, and that makes me question your mental health.
Finn Balor is here in a Wyatt/Fiend situation. Will he be Balor or will he be the Demon. And do I care, other than having a heads up that I’m probably going to get tacky, gross red and black face paint all over me. Word to the wise, Finn. If it takes you longer to put on the makeup than you’ll actually be in the match, just come out as Balor.
Rey Mysterio. Living Legend. Little Guy. Big Heart. What does booyakah mean? And when did you start using it in conversation? Are you concussed? No seriously, I’m asking. I spent more time than I care to admit looking for a time where you ever said that, and after scouring YouTube, it does not exist. I think you should be on medical restriction.
Number 28, and here comes Paul London. Will you be arriving by space ship? Like, there’s a part of me that wants to make fun, but at the same time… can you take me back to 2011, cause that year was my jam. Paul, it feels like you have a lot going on. Cloning wrestlers, and taking Bach to his own time. Feels like it’s a bit lowly for you to have to slum it in the ring with all of us normal folks. Your genius needs to be appreciated, that’s why I’ll help you out by throwing you out of the ring as soon as you come in.
Tommaso Ciampa is bringing a friend to the party in Cameron Grimes. Don’t know much about the new kid, but I can give you a word of warning, Cam. There are no friends in the Royal Rumble. Don’t let the fact that Ciampa has taken you under his wing make you too comfortable. Ciampa is a psycho killer, and he’ll cut your throat with a smile on his face. I hope you’ve come prepared to go it alone.
And finally, the man who is sticking his nose in where it doesn’t belong because he has a personal vendetta. Isn’t that what always drives you Wes? You don’t do it for the love of the sport anymore, you do it depending on who has pissed you off, and right now that man is Aiden English. A man who is coming in at number one and will spend over an hour trying to hold on for you to make your entrance just so he can have a chance at you. That’s the effect you have on people. They either want to shake your hand or punch you in the face. If Aiden is still in it when you get there, I’m thinking it won’t be pretty. But I also think that’s to my advantage. The two of you can tear each other apart and when you both least expect it I’ll toss you to the outside.
See, I know why you got into this match Wes. You think that the balance needs to be restored. You think you’re the answer to turning this fledgling main event scene around. That’s the biggest laugh I’ve had in a while. It’s your job to cultivate talent, to grow talent, to discover talent and you have spent the better part of my career squandering mine. If you’re looking at an answer to your troubles, you might not want to look any further than right here. I can give the EBWF what it needs, all it will take is surviving 29 other men tonight. I’ve done it before, and I can do it again.
Edge grinned.
Edge: Oh, and one more thing. As I mentioned, there are three mystery entrants in this match, and that’s always a little something exciting for the crowd to mull over. Let me make something very, very clear.
AJ Styles, it’s about that time of year for your dumb ass to show up. I’m sure you’ll be here with a bunch of insults, with no talent to speak of except for barking up the same damn trees you’ve been barking up the last ten years. Belly aching about how you don’t get any respect, when time and time again you piss all over your friends and let people down. You’re a no talent hack, AJ. You know how I know? Because only a no talent hack would talk as much trash as you talk to achieve as little as you have. Just because you’re loud about it, doesn’t make it so. Do some flips and make the crowd love you, but we all know that the only thing you’re consistent at is being good for maybe half a second, and then you’re right back to being a loud mouth, no substance has been. For all the times you’ve made a mockery out of this business, and for all the times you’ve opened your stupid mouth about people I care about. It’ll always be personal AJ, and you will always be a whining, complaining, sad example of what could have been if you’d just quit blaming everybody else for your failures. If you so much as step into the ring with me, I’m not only going to throw you over the top rope, I’m going to smash your fucking face in. That’ll be a crowning achievement on my way to Wrestlemania.
I don’t want any of you participating in this match to feel too bad when the inevitable happens. It’s a wide field, but it’s mine to win. It’s mine to prove that there is a difference between laziness and strategy. There is a difference between working for everything you have, and reaching the top so maybe you don’t always have to grind so hard. I’ve earned my stripes. I’ve earned the right to make my decisions. I’ve paid all my debts, and there’s nothing left to prove. There is only what I want. There is only what I decide to take. This is my opportunity, and I don’t know how many more I’m going to get, so I have to take it. At any cost.
Any. cost.
With those two words, Edge pushed his hair back from his face and reached forward to stop the recording as the scene faded to black.
