• Off Track

Posted: **Tue Jun 08, 2021 2:03 am**

The scene opened on Colton Gunn. He had a light tan duster on over his typical ring gear. His matching cowboy hat tied together his western theme. He was sitting on a broken wooden fence using his hand to support his weight against the post. While the background was set to look like the front of a saloon, no postproduction had been done to remove the green backdrop from the windows.

Colten Gunn
This Monday’s episode of Warfare is going to kick off with an EXPLOSION! John Morrison and I are going to level the arena like ten tons of DYNAMITE! It’s going to be bigger than the opening pyrotechnic display for WrestleMania! A BANG! A BAM! We’re going to set things of like capfuls of NITROGLYCERIN!

Austin Gunn (off screen)
CUT!!! Wait? Where are you going with this?

Austin walked into frame wearing jeans and a white t-shirt. He had a black cone held up to his mouth that had the word “DIRECTOR” printed down the side in white letters.

Colten Gunn
TNT. It’s from his past. That team he was a part of before he was Morrison.

Austin Gunn
No. That team wasn’t called TNT. Morrison was called Nitro but that name came from WCW’s old flagship.

Colten stood up from the set piece and walked forward to meet Austin.

Colten Gunn
Wait? What was his team called? I thought they had this whole Hollywood explosion theme.

Austin Gunn
MNM.

Colten Gunn
Like the wrapper or the candy?

Austin Gunn
Neither. Mercury, Nitro and Melina. M. N. M.

Colten Gunn
Oh, but he was the backup guy. Not even the headliner of the team?

Austin Gunn
It’s kind of hard to be the first name in a duo when you got introduced as Eric Bischoff’s errand boy!

Colten Gunn
Wait a minute! Is that how he got the name Nitro? Bischoff worked for WCW and Morrison worked for Bischoff?

Austin Gunn
Now the wheels are turning inside that head of yours.

Colten Gunn
I swear that you’re the biggest wrestling nerd I’ve ever met!

Austin Gunn
Our father is LITERALLY a Hall of Fame caliber talent. I was raised watching wrestling, just like you!

Colten Gunn
Yeah but you could be teaching a history class with all you know. I’d almost guess you have a teaching degree if I didn’t know you better.

Austin Gunn
Anyhow. The TNT references are valid because the show Nitro was on TNT. But the wrestler Nitro was never a member of team called TNT. Sure, it was a missed opportunity, but it never happened. Before he was Johnny Nitro, he was Johnny Blaze. That name sucked so he became Johnny Spade. Which, is a worse name. They settled on Johnny Nitro because it sucked the least and it let them take a jab at some old competition.

Colten Gunn
So, it’s the same as if he showed up in EBWF calling himself Johnny Smackdown.

Austin Gunn
Yep, and it’s just as awful.

Colten Gunn
Okay, so no more explosion jokes.

Austin Gunn
No, I mean they’re fine. You just can’t land on a TNT joke for the wrong reason. Honestly, maybe making fun of Morrison for his old gimmicks is like the lowest of low hanging fruit. Besides, how man of the kids watching the EBWF are going to get the joke. Sure, their dads will get it but. T-shirt sales are all in kids sizes. So, let’s not take this dark. Get back to set. Launch with that explosion line. Take the positive spin on jerking the curtain because Morrison wont. He’s got too much ego to be happy opening the show. Let the Universe know that you’re here for them and not for yourself. Let the EBWF Universe know that they are a part of the Gunn Club! You’re John Wayne and he’s Bruce Dern. Everyone hates Bruce Dern. Channel the Duke! Be the Duke! PLACES!!!

Austin walked away. Colten took a moment to prepare himself to get back into his starting position. He played with his hand in different positions. Flipped the duster back and forth over the fence pieces and tilted his head toward the camera.

Austin Gunn (off screen)
FROM THE TOP!!!!! ACTION!!!