OOC: Sorry, ran out of time, so descriptions and tag section had to be mega short.

Diamonds Are Forever hits the speakers and all of the members walk to the ring.

MJF: Can you mouth-breathers please shut the hell up and let me speak? I’d say it’s great to be here, but I don’t want to start off on the wrong foot by lying to you…I want to say people, but looking around I’m not too sure…I once asked Britt Baker if there was anywhere worse than Shittsburgh and I swear to you, without a moment’s hesitation, she said Philadelphia.

Boos echo throughout the arena.

MJF: But I’m not here to insult your ugly women or the fact the average IQ in Philadelphia is so low, it could be a Flyers score. I’m here to talk about a concept that might be alien to Philadelphia sports fans, winning. You see, tonight I’m taking part in an Elimination Chamber match for a title shot at Fallout. Not the Breakout title, I already have that shot, I’m talking about the World title, currently around the waist of that cheap MJF imitation, The Miz.

Onto my first opponent, the Breakout champion, Xavier Woods. Oh sorry, should I be saying King Xavier? I don’t want to “disrespect your title” X, or you may end up running to JR again like a bullied kid running to the principal’s office. The reason nobody respects your King title is because it means jack shit around here, pal. But to give credit where it’s due, one thing that does deserve some respect is that Breakout championship. I’m not going to lie and say that you haven’t accomplished anything like some of the other contenders in this Elimination Chamber match. You came into EBWF and went straight for gold, and you achieved it, you won the title. You even defended that belt against two men at Last Survivor and then went on to quadruple team me in the Last Survivor match. Okay, maybe a four-on-one doesn’t deserve to be on the list of things you should be proud of, so let’s strike that and replace it with your other Last Survivor eliminations. On top of that, you had the guts to create a tournament for your next contender, and you were brave enough to include me in the brackets. Well, as brave as that was, it was also pretty stupid buddy, because as you can see, I ended up winning that tournament. And I’m sure you remember what that victory came with, the extra condition that you placed on that tournament. That the winner would get to name his own stipulation for the Breakout championship match at Fallout. I’m here tonight not only to inform you that you will lose to me in the chamber, but also to cash in that chip for Fallout.

If, and I mean IF, there is some cosmic injustice and I somehow end up losing that Elimination Chamber match, it’s going to be you and I for your title. And I can’t think of a better way to make sure you play fair than for us to have ourselves a Special Referee match. And there’s only one man out there that would be up to such a job. The special referee needs to be someone with intensity. It needs to be someone with integrity, and it needs to be someone with intelligence…

The crowd cheers.

MJF: Huh? Oh…you thought I meant HIM?! Why would anybody in their right mind choose a referee from Pennsylvania?! Jeez, who would you ask me to choose next, Tim Donaghy? No, we need somebody the fans love, somebody that knows everything there is to know about wrestling, and somebody who doesn’t take shit from anybody…SEND HOOK!

The lights go out and the fans erupt…then the lights come back on.

MJF: HOW MANY TIMES ARE YOU PHILBILLIES GOING TO FALL FOR THAT? Let me put you and Xavier out of your collective misery. If I face Xavier Woods at Fallout, the special guest referee will be…RICHARD HOLLIDAY!

The fans boo loudly.

MJF: But we all know that that will only be the case if I don’t win the Elimination Chamber match. If I win tonight, I’ll have bigger fish to fry in a World Championship match, and in that case, Richard Holliday won’t be able to be the referee, because he’ll be taking my place in the Breakout Championship match. So then we’d have a problem of being a referee down, because who could…OH WAIT A SECOND, WE HAVE ANOTHER SPECIAL GUEST REFEREE RIGHT HERE. If it’s Xavier vs Richard, The Suplex Assassin Alex Kane will be wearing the referee shirt. It’s a good job that you’ve been out to see your buddy Jim Ross, because whoever you end up facing, at least you’ll have some BBQ sauce for when your ass gets smoked.

Moving on from a fake king to more fake royalty, Prince Devitt. I must say, it is impressive that EBWF have so many Bullet Club originals. We have Finn Balor, sorry, Fergal Devitt, as well as Tama Tonga. People may even assume that EBWF has gone out of its way to sign the OG BC. I’m here to tell you all the truth. The reason we have the “original leader” of the Bullet Club isn’t because EBWF wants to honor tradition or be true to the business or any of that horseshit, it’s because Kenny Omega and Jay White were too expensive, too busy and too popular to come to a shithole like Philadelphia. We have the bargain basement Bullet Club here, as you can see by looking at their win-loss record. If you want to see a Bullet Club with some bang, go watch Impact Wrestling. If you don’t mind watching guys firing blanks, stay tuned when Devitt and co step out onto that stage.

KC: And don’t forget, you aren’t the only one against the Bullet Club.

Ace: That’s right, KC, because we’re also going to be winning a title shot. Who are we facing again?

KC: The Good Brothers?

Ace: No, they were too expensive.

KC: The Young Bucks?

Ace: Too popular. Oh yeah, we have to face the Bullet Club’s third best tag team, G.O.D.

KC: Oh my G.O.D. that’s right. Aren’t they the guys that keep getting their asses kicked in EBWF?

Ace: They are indeed.

KC: So how have they earned this shot?

MJF: While we’re on the topic of participants that haven’t earned their shot, Kevin Steen. Why are you even in this match, bro? Have you done anything at all since your arrival to EBWF? I don’t feel like wasting a lot of time talking about you, buddy, because I reckon you’ll be a quick and easy KO.
Alex Shelley, you’ve been in semi-retirement for the past decade, yet you’re still one of the youngest guys on this roster, and one of the only ones that can still move around the ring without a mobility aid, so for that, you have my respect. You imply that I’m only here because of my family’s money? I’m here because I’m the best damn wrestler in this company. But it’s okay, I understand that you’re only taking shots at my wealth because it’s been hard for you to even come close to earning as much as I started out with, then again, I guess that’s because it’s hard to earn the big bucks when the majority of your career was spent as an indie spot monkey at outlaw mud shows. Alex, the chamber is a giant cage, so you aren’t going to have Chris Sabin to save your ass this time.

That leaves one opponent, and for this one you need to be commended Wes. It was a stroke of genius. Bringing back a sideshow freak with multiple personality disorder, Bray Wyatt. What, was letting people drive trucks at your top stars not dangerous enough? IT’S NO WONDER ROMAN REIGNS WALKED OUT ON YOU. This is an unsafe working environment! You want to lock five of your top guys into an elimination chamber with a freakin’ psychopath! Bravo! If this goes wrong, you’ll be lucky to have a Fallout card. Although…if Bray Wyatt were as big a threat as I’m making out…wouldn’t Paul Heyman still be by his side and not sucking up to The Miz all the time? It’s confusing. What isn’t confusing is that at Fallout, the Dynasty will reign supreme. Tonight I will claim that World title shot, then at Fallout, I will become World champion. Holliday will become Breakout champion. KC and Ace will become Tag Team champions. We’re putting the EBWF Champions on notice, because The Dynasty are better than you, and you know it.

Better Than You hits and The Dynasty make their way to their locker room.