Just Add Tears
Posted: Mon Apr 04, 2022 4:46 pm
Alex Marvez is backstage with Richard Holliday and Jade Cargill. Holliday is wearing a dark blue suit with a white shirt and pastel blue tie. Jade is dressed in a green halter top and black jeans, with her hair dyed a bright shade of green.
Alex Marvez: I’m here with Richard Holliday and Jade Cargill of The Dynasty. Now Richard, Jade, I think it’s safe to say that Fallout did not go as planned for The Dynasty, with both MJF and the team of KC and Ace losing in their title matches…
Jade: Hold up. Richard, you can’t seriously expect me to talk to this peasant when he’s running his mouth like this?
Holliday: She kind of has a point, Alex. This isn’t the first time that you’ve addressed myself or other members of The Dynasty with borderline contempt and condescension. I’m beginning to think that you don’t like us, Alex, and that hurts my feelings because I’m a stand-up guy. You keep trying to paint us as the villains here, and all we’re trying to do is to raise the profile and value of this fine wrestling promotion. You know what, how about you hit the bricks, we’ll interview each other this evening and I’ll find a more worthy broadcaster to interview us moving forward? Go on, beat it.
Ladies and Gentlemen, I, the most marketable man in professional wrestling, present to you the most marketable woman in professional wrestling, Jade Cargill! Jade, this is going to be your first match in the EBWF, what is it that brought you here?
Jade: You offered me a lot of money.
Holliday: …but there must be other factors to your decision, right? You want the prestige of being in professional wrestling’s hottest new faction? You want to dominate the women’s division? You want to hold championship gold?
Jade: I want the green and I want to be mean. This Exceptional Bitch will be Wrestling Fiercely tonight.
Holliday: …cool, cool. Speaking of green, it’s likely that Alexa Bliss is going to see you as being pretty green because she’s got a lot more experience than you. Do you have anything to say to her?
Jade: I don’t care what that little girl Barbie doll thinks of me. I don’t have time or energy for peasants like her.
Holliday: Thank you Jade, some great insight there. You’re right, Alexa Bliss does not have the physical strength or athleticism that you have, and she should cower before you. You’re a true athlete and you’re both physically and mentally stronger than her. She better watch her back because if not, this may not only be the week she lost her title, but also the week she loses the ability to walk. And that she’s the one who’s truly green – with envy. I think that’s what you were saying, right?
Jade: Yes it was.
Holliday: Great. But let’s not forget that this isn’t just Jade versus Alexa. This is Jade and Richard Holliday versus Alexa and Christian Cage. Christian, I heard that you’ve been complaining about us “costing you the match” against Max. I’d like to apologise if you think that, because I assure you that wasn’t my intention. I just wanted to show my best friend his birthday gift because I promised him that I’d sign us a female wrestler that could dominate the division, and that’s exactly what I did by getting Jade to join The Dynasty. With hindsight, I appreciate that having the lights turned out in the middle of your match may have been somewhat distracting, but I swear to you that my only intention in doing that was to hype up the dramatic reveal. It was just pure bad luck that Max then managed to make you cry like a baby in the Salt of the Earth immediately after that. But if you still feel like I was responsible for you tapping out, even though I didn’t repeatedly pick your hand up and slam it into the canvas, you did that of your own volition, but if you DO still blame me for you giving up as a result of the pain, this would be your opportunity to right that wrong.
I’m very happy that you seem to have requested this match, because I know how much you’ve done in this industry, and how popular a competitor you are, so I ran a couple of focus groups and it turns out that defeating a wrestler of your standing would be very good for our optics. I’ve already ordered in a limited run of commemorative coffee mugs. They have your face as you were tapping out, and they say “I’m almost as bitter as Christian” on one side, and “Just add tears” on the other side. I think they’ll be one of the fastest-selling products on EBWFshop.
It's true that we’ve had our own run of bad luck in recent weeks, but I fully intend to turn our luck around by beating the cohabitation on Warfare, and I know that Jade feels the same way, right Jade?
Jade: Yup.
Jade heads to her dressing room to prepare for the match, leaving Holliday alone in front of the camera. He begins muttering to himself as he takes his airpods out of their case and places them in his ears.
Holliday: Most marketable woman in professional wrestling, but she can’t even cut a promo. And I have to interview myself because Marvez is a jackass. Do I have to do everything myself?
As he walks away, he’s heard making a phone call.
Holliday: Hey, it’s Richard, I might have a job for you…
The scene fades.
Alex Marvez: I’m here with Richard Holliday and Jade Cargill of The Dynasty. Now Richard, Jade, I think it’s safe to say that Fallout did not go as planned for The Dynasty, with both MJF and the team of KC and Ace losing in their title matches…
Jade: Hold up. Richard, you can’t seriously expect me to talk to this peasant when he’s running his mouth like this?
Holliday: She kind of has a point, Alex. This isn’t the first time that you’ve addressed myself or other members of The Dynasty with borderline contempt and condescension. I’m beginning to think that you don’t like us, Alex, and that hurts my feelings because I’m a stand-up guy. You keep trying to paint us as the villains here, and all we’re trying to do is to raise the profile and value of this fine wrestling promotion. You know what, how about you hit the bricks, we’ll interview each other this evening and I’ll find a more worthy broadcaster to interview us moving forward? Go on, beat it.
Ladies and Gentlemen, I, the most marketable man in professional wrestling, present to you the most marketable woman in professional wrestling, Jade Cargill! Jade, this is going to be your first match in the EBWF, what is it that brought you here?
Jade: You offered me a lot of money.
Holliday: …but there must be other factors to your decision, right? You want the prestige of being in professional wrestling’s hottest new faction? You want to dominate the women’s division? You want to hold championship gold?
Jade: I want the green and I want to be mean. This Exceptional Bitch will be Wrestling Fiercely tonight.
Holliday: …cool, cool. Speaking of green, it’s likely that Alexa Bliss is going to see you as being pretty green because she’s got a lot more experience than you. Do you have anything to say to her?
Jade: I don’t care what that little girl Barbie doll thinks of me. I don’t have time or energy for peasants like her.
Holliday: Thank you Jade, some great insight there. You’re right, Alexa Bliss does not have the physical strength or athleticism that you have, and she should cower before you. You’re a true athlete and you’re both physically and mentally stronger than her. She better watch her back because if not, this may not only be the week she lost her title, but also the week she loses the ability to walk. And that she’s the one who’s truly green – with envy. I think that’s what you were saying, right?
Jade: Yes it was.
Holliday: Great. But let’s not forget that this isn’t just Jade versus Alexa. This is Jade and Richard Holliday versus Alexa and Christian Cage. Christian, I heard that you’ve been complaining about us “costing you the match” against Max. I’d like to apologise if you think that, because I assure you that wasn’t my intention. I just wanted to show my best friend his birthday gift because I promised him that I’d sign us a female wrestler that could dominate the division, and that’s exactly what I did by getting Jade to join The Dynasty. With hindsight, I appreciate that having the lights turned out in the middle of your match may have been somewhat distracting, but I swear to you that my only intention in doing that was to hype up the dramatic reveal. It was just pure bad luck that Max then managed to make you cry like a baby in the Salt of the Earth immediately after that. But if you still feel like I was responsible for you tapping out, even though I didn’t repeatedly pick your hand up and slam it into the canvas, you did that of your own volition, but if you DO still blame me for you giving up as a result of the pain, this would be your opportunity to right that wrong.
I’m very happy that you seem to have requested this match, because I know how much you’ve done in this industry, and how popular a competitor you are, so I ran a couple of focus groups and it turns out that defeating a wrestler of your standing would be very good for our optics. I’ve already ordered in a limited run of commemorative coffee mugs. They have your face as you were tapping out, and they say “I’m almost as bitter as Christian” on one side, and “Just add tears” on the other side. I think they’ll be one of the fastest-selling products on EBWFshop.
It's true that we’ve had our own run of bad luck in recent weeks, but I fully intend to turn our luck around by beating the cohabitation on Warfare, and I know that Jade feels the same way, right Jade?
Jade: Yup.
Jade heads to her dressing room to prepare for the match, leaving Holliday alone in front of the camera. He begins muttering to himself as he takes his airpods out of their case and places them in his ears.
Holliday: Most marketable woman in professional wrestling, but she can’t even cut a promo. And I have to interview myself because Marvez is a jackass. Do I have to do everything myself?
As he walks away, he’s heard making a phone call.
Holliday: Hey, it’s Richard, I might have a job for you…
The scene fades.