Two cosmopolitans sat condensating on a gorgeous marble bar top. The camera panned up two pairs of legs. The ones on the left were clad in knee high black boots. The ones on the
right in a cute pair of ankle booties and dark washed skinny jeans. As the camera continued to move upward, the woman on the left was revealed to be the Iron Maiden, Natalya, clad in a form fitting black dress, her legs crossed at the knee. To her right, Trish Stratus wore a black button up shirt, tied up under her chest. Trish stirred the skewered olives in her drink, and sighed.

Trish Stratus: I mean, obviously I could beat them both by myself.

Natalya: Great, so I’ll see you next week?

Trish Stratus: Oh, come now. You can’t resist getting your claws into Alexa.

Natalya: Well, when you’re right you’re right. In fact, if you wanted the night off, I could beat them both myself. My favorite Sharpshooter is on the petite ones.

Trish Stratus: There are some benefits to Wes’ unlimited pocket book. The budget to put Natalya and Trish Stratus on Warfare. That’s a pay-per-view caliber event.

Natalya: Believe me, he knows how expensive we are. And if he’s signing that check, he knows that there’s only one way to make Alexa Bliss and Liv Morgan interesting.

Trish Stratus: I mean, I’m not crazy right?

Natalya: You’re not crazy. They’re actually two different people.

Trish Stratus: OhmiGod, right?!

She sipped her drink.

Trish Stratus: And Alexa? What the hell is this? She changes between being a nice girl and being a mean girl about as often as I would change my underwear if I wore any.

Natalya nearly choked on her drink.

Natalya: Ohhhh boy. Here come the OnlyFans rumors.

Trish Stratus: For Liv maybe. The highest paid woman in EBWF History not named Joanie Helmsley is NOT desperate for cash. Or attention. Or championships. Unlike, Alexa Bliss. Why do you think she stays?

Natalya: Maybe she’s a consummate professional who’s determined to grind until she’s at the top and wants to be the best in the world?

Nattie and Trish both looked at each other, paused briefly, then leaned their heads back to cackle uproariously.

Trish Stratus: I’d say the only grinding they’ll be doing is on a stripper pole, but I respect sex workers too much for that comparison. I don’t know, Nat. I’m still doing this because I want to help these girls. Hell, even Alexa has been here for a while and she’s still green as gooseshit. Becky Lynch is the only one here who is naturally gifted.

Natalya: If sometimes a little delusional.

Trish Stratus: I think there’s a permanent applause soundtrack that plays in her head, but no one can accuse her of not being herself. Alexa changes like a chameleon and Liv has somehow reinvented herself into Diet Alexa.

Natalya: Do you remember when Liv Morgan was, like, my greatest rival? How do you go from that to…this?

Natalya gestured broadly in front of herself.

Natalya: EBWF badly needs Beautiful Dangerous.

Trish smiled.

Trish Stratus: Oh my God, I thought you’d never say so! I need you like peanut butter needs jelly! Like margs need salt. Like mac needs cheese!

Natalya: Like we need MORE COSMOS PLEASE.

Nattie stared daggers at the bartender. He quietly nodded and began preparing them new drinks.

Natalya: I couldn’t agree more, Trish. We need each other. EBWF needs us. The women’s division is pathetic, now. Alexa Bliss and Liv Morgan are the zenith of the women’s tag teams, and don’t get me started on that dentist cosplaying as a pro wrestler.

The bartender dropped two new cosmos in front of them, and Trish thanked him.
Trish Stratus: All the women in this business are severely lacking in originality. Don’t take a drink yet. I can’t risk it going down the wrong pipe when you react to this. There is a woman currently wrestling on some program. Her name is Gisele Shaw. She calls herself… the Quintessential Diva. I’ve never called my lawyers so fast.

Nattie shook her head, sighing deeply.

Natalya: “The Quintessential Diva”….Gisele Shaw. What the hell kind of name IS that?!

Trish Stratus: Right? I called Gisele and Tom right away, and while Gisele was very sympathetic she assured me that she did not in fact own the name Gisele. I was going to go CLASS ACTION with the entire thing. Gimmick infringement of all the best people, I swear.

Natalya: Quintessential Queen of a Double-wide, maybe.

Nattie took a sip of her newly minted Cosmo.

Natalya: I shouldn’t lose focus. While we sit here sipping Cosmos and spilling tea, our opponents are somewhere looking up our finishing moves on Wikipedia.

Trish Stratus: Oh! You have been gone a minute. They don’t even put wrestling moves on Wikipedia anymore. You have to go to some website called Wrestle Wiki.

She sipped her drink, disinterested.

Trish Stratus: But yeah, I mean I’ve Chick Kicked Alexa in the head so many times at this point, it wouldn’t surprise me if she doesn’t even know my theme song.

Natalya: I’m so glad you pointed that out, because when I’m locking that little pixie into the Sharpshooter, I’m going to bend her so far backwards I’ll be able to kick her in the head with her own foot. Then maybe she’ll forget that she works here.

Trish Stratus: And take Christian with her.

She raised her eyebrow. Nattie dramatically sipped her drink.

Natalya: But that’s none of my business.

Trish rolled her eyes, and broke into a teasing smile.

Trish Stratus: Those boys have all the fun. Alexa and Liv are just lucky that a certain someone hates women’s wrestling so much, otherwise they’d be facing the longest reigning tag team champions in EBWF history on Warfare.

Natalya: As if they would deserve a theoretical title shot against us! As the most prolific hypothetical tag team champions, our 1200+ day reign wouldn’t be sullied by facing these two that fell off the same toy delivery truck.

Trish Stratus: Well, this is like Christmas come early, Nat! I can’t wait to notch another victory with you, and prove to those two carbon copies that they could watch tape of every match we’ve ever wrestled and they’d still not be able to game plan against us!

Natalya: You know I love lacing up the boots with you, girl. And if it means giving people of Charlottesville a free look at the best women’s tag team in EBWF history, then that’s just a bonus. Maybe Alexa and Liv can learn a few things while they’re in the ring with us.

Trish nodded.

Trish Stratus: To us!

Nattie smiled and returned the toast. They clinked their glasses together.

Trish Stratus: May we always be able to put these little bitches down as quickly as our drinks.

They laughed before throwing back their cosmos as the scene faded to black.