Restraining order
Posted: Mon Jun 27, 2022 5:03 pm
Alex Marvez is shown waiting backstage by The Dynasty's door as Richard Holliday, in a pearl blue suit, and Jade Cargill approach.
Richard: Why? Why Alex, why? Why why why why why?
Alex Marvez: Why what?
Richard: Why...despite EBWF having 4 interviewers, 5 including Caprice, is it always YOU waiting for us backstage? Why do we always have to deal with your bullshit? Are you paid by the interview? If so, you really need to find yourself a salaried position. Why do we never get to talk to Michael Cole or maybe Renee Young for a change?
Alex Marvez: Well to be honest...nobody else wants to talk to The Dynasty.
Richard: Poppycock, Marvez! I call poppycock! Why wouldn't people want to talk to us? We're attractive, young, charming...hell, just being in our presence allows you guys to experience what it's like to breathe rarefied air.
He turns to talk directly to camera.
Richard: And now YOU too, consumerinos, can experience what it's like to breathe rarefied air, by purchasing my new Rarefied Air Cologne, which to be honest, is just my natural scent.
He turns back to Marvez.
Richard: ...so I don't believe that you're the only one willing to come back here to talk to us. You know what I think's happening here, Jade?
Jade: Marvez is obsessed with us?
Richard: You got it in one! You're our little fanboy, aren't you Alex? I bet if we went to your room, sorry, mom's basement, we'd find our posters all over your walls. Am I right?
Alex: I don't live in my mom's basement.
Richard: Sure you don't, champ. We all believe that. I did notice that you didn't deny the part about the posters though.
Jade: He probably wants us to sign them.
Richard: Good point, Jade, and may I just say how nice it is for you to contribute so many great points to this interview so far. Is that the case, Marvez? You want us to bring the rest of The Dynasty to your basement to sign your photos and action figures?
Alex Marvez: I don't understand what's happening here.
Richard: Oh, is that so? So you're saying I'm making all of this up?
Alex Marvez: No, I'm not saying th...
Richard: So you DO live in your mom's basement?
Alex Marvez: No, I just wanted to get Jade's thoughts about her match with Alexa Bliss tonight.
Jade: Alexa Bliss? That shortass bitch gonna be dealing with THAT BITCH tonight.
Richard: Riveting, thanks for that Jade. Marvez, Jade is not bothered about Alexa Bliss in the slightest. Alexa is giving up over 50 pounds and 9 inches in this match, and that 9 inch difference is in both height and bicep diameter, so if you truly believe that this perfect specimen of athleticism might be concerned about Christian's pet pipsqueak, then I'm even more concerned for your mental health. Jade has been trained by some of this sport's greatest competitors in a range of styles. She's learned from Dustin Rhodes, Sonjay Dutt, Bryan Danielson, and of course, yours truly. Who taught Alexa everything she knows? The Chikara guy? Did she even go to wrestling school or just buy one of his e-books?
Alex Marvez: Mike Quackenbush is a well-respected trainer. He trained Cesaro, and Aleister Black, and Wheeler Yuta, and...
Richard: And, and, and, who? Who, Alex? The rest of his alumni are like the who's who of who? You cherry-picked the only three people anybody's heard of, who, coincidentally are also the only three people that ever watched a Chikara show.
Alex Marvez: I don't think that's fair to Chik...
Richard: Shut up, Marvez. Nobody cares what you think. The fact is, we have the most dominant female wrestler since Chyna on our side, and Christian has a Powerlesspuff Girl. Jade will go through to the final and Alexa will go back to talking smack she can't back up on Twitter. End of story, end of interview, and if you keep stalking us, my father slash lawyer will slap a restraining order on your sorry ass. Now shoo, Marvez. Get out of here. Send one of your more talented colleagues instead next time.
The scene fades.
Richard: Why? Why Alex, why? Why why why why why?
Alex Marvez: Why what?
Richard: Why...despite EBWF having 4 interviewers, 5 including Caprice, is it always YOU waiting for us backstage? Why do we always have to deal with your bullshit? Are you paid by the interview? If so, you really need to find yourself a salaried position. Why do we never get to talk to Michael Cole or maybe Renee Young for a change?
Alex Marvez: Well to be honest...nobody else wants to talk to The Dynasty.
Richard: Poppycock, Marvez! I call poppycock! Why wouldn't people want to talk to us? We're attractive, young, charming...hell, just being in our presence allows you guys to experience what it's like to breathe rarefied air.
He turns to talk directly to camera.
Richard: And now YOU too, consumerinos, can experience what it's like to breathe rarefied air, by purchasing my new Rarefied Air Cologne, which to be honest, is just my natural scent.
He turns back to Marvez.
Richard: ...so I don't believe that you're the only one willing to come back here to talk to us. You know what I think's happening here, Jade?
Jade: Marvez is obsessed with us?
Richard: You got it in one! You're our little fanboy, aren't you Alex? I bet if we went to your room, sorry, mom's basement, we'd find our posters all over your walls. Am I right?
Alex: I don't live in my mom's basement.
Richard: Sure you don't, champ. We all believe that. I did notice that you didn't deny the part about the posters though.
Jade: He probably wants us to sign them.
Richard: Good point, Jade, and may I just say how nice it is for you to contribute so many great points to this interview so far. Is that the case, Marvez? You want us to bring the rest of The Dynasty to your basement to sign your photos and action figures?
Alex Marvez: I don't understand what's happening here.
Richard: Oh, is that so? So you're saying I'm making all of this up?
Alex Marvez: No, I'm not saying th...
Richard: So you DO live in your mom's basement?
Alex Marvez: No, I just wanted to get Jade's thoughts about her match with Alexa Bliss tonight.
Jade: Alexa Bliss? That shortass bitch gonna be dealing with THAT BITCH tonight.
Richard: Riveting, thanks for that Jade. Marvez, Jade is not bothered about Alexa Bliss in the slightest. Alexa is giving up over 50 pounds and 9 inches in this match, and that 9 inch difference is in both height and bicep diameter, so if you truly believe that this perfect specimen of athleticism might be concerned about Christian's pet pipsqueak, then I'm even more concerned for your mental health. Jade has been trained by some of this sport's greatest competitors in a range of styles. She's learned from Dustin Rhodes, Sonjay Dutt, Bryan Danielson, and of course, yours truly. Who taught Alexa everything she knows? The Chikara guy? Did she even go to wrestling school or just buy one of his e-books?
Alex Marvez: Mike Quackenbush is a well-respected trainer. He trained Cesaro, and Aleister Black, and Wheeler Yuta, and...
Richard: And, and, and, who? Who, Alex? The rest of his alumni are like the who's who of who? You cherry-picked the only three people anybody's heard of, who, coincidentally are also the only three people that ever watched a Chikara show.
Alex Marvez: I don't think that's fair to Chik...
Richard: Shut up, Marvez. Nobody cares what you think. The fact is, we have the most dominant female wrestler since Chyna on our side, and Christian has a Powerlesspuff Girl. Jade will go through to the final and Alexa will go back to talking smack she can't back up on Twitter. End of story, end of interview, and if you keep stalking us, my father slash lawyer will slap a restraining order on your sorry ass. Now shoo, Marvez. Get out of here. Send one of your more talented colleagues instead next time.
The scene fades.