A feast for the doctor

[Ben M]

The scene opened backstage at Warfare, in Britt Baker’s locker room. As the camera started rolling, Baker smirked confidently, then began to speak.

Britt Baker: Well, well, well... Feast or Famine, the first-ever, and who else but the role model, yours truly, to headline the final Warfare before Last Survivor and take part in this historic match? You know, they say opportunity knocks, but tonight, it's hanging above the ring in the form of three precious briefcases. One guarantees a Women's Championship match at Last Survivor, and the other two dictate the fate of whoever grabs them in the Last Survivor match. It's a game of chance; five competitors, two end up with nothing, and one of three women who ends up with a briefcase might wish she hadn’t, as she’ll have to enter the Last Survivor match at number one... but I've always been good at turning the odds in my favour, so I’ll gladly take any of those briefcases.

Baker leaned forward, her eyes narrowing as she began to address her opponents.

Britt Baker: First, let's talk about The Rebellious Angels - Alexa Bliss and Becky Lynch. The dynamic duo – or trio, I guess, when Liv Morgan is around... poor Liv, she must be devastated that she’s been overlooked for this match. Anyway, I digress. Alexa and Becky claim to be allies, partners in crime. But when the stakes are high, can they really trust each other? Or will the ambition for that championship opportunity tear their so-called unity apart? You see, I've been in enough multi-person matches to know that alliances are temporary, and when it comes down to it, it's every woman for herself.

A sly grin formed on Britt's face as she delved into Alexa Bliss's history.

Britt Baker: Alexa Bliss, they say you’ve got one of the biggest hearts in professional wrestling. It’s just a shame you also seem to have one of the weakest bodies in the business. Always injured, or nursing some ailment; it's almost as if you’re allergic to competing. I mean, how many times have we seen you on the sidelines, Alexa? Maybe your nickname should be Brittle Miss Bliss. And yet, you have the audacity to call yourself a former Women’s Champion. That’s technically true, but we both know the only reason you held that title was because Trish Stratus gave you the assist. The record book might not state that fact, but I haven’t forgotten.

Britt winked, as if trying to taunt Alexa Bliss, then turned her attention to Becky Lynch.

Britt Baker: Becky, Becky, Becky... always whining about a supposed conspiracy. The truth is, there's no conspiracy against you. The reality is, you just can't cut it in the big leagues. You might be a two-time Queen of the Ring, but that doesn't mean much if you don’t follow it up by going on to become a champion. And mark my words, even if you manage to secure a title shot at Last Survivor, you're destined to come up short... again. It's not a conspiracy; it's a lack of skill. Hollywood might think you’re great, but to use one of MJF’s favourite words, in EBWF, you’re mid.

The camera caught Britt's gaze intensifying as she shifted her focus to Maika.

Britt Baker: And then there's Maika, the one who thinks she has my number because of a fluke win in a triple threat match. Newsflash, Maika, you pinned Liv Morgan, not me. So as far as I'm concerned, you haven't beaten me. I respect your accomplishments in Japan, but let's talk about EBWF – you haven't achieved anything noteworthy here, and it could be argued that you don't even deserve to be in this match. How many matches have you even had here? I’m pretty sure I can count them on one hand. You say you’re hungrier than me, and maybe that’s true, but I doubt it. But regardless of how hungry you may be, Maika, I’m tougher than you, I’m a better wrestler than you, and tonight I'll make sure you realise just how out of your depth you truly are.

Britt’s expression seemed to soften as she moved onto her next opponent, Natalya.

Britt Baker: Last, but certainly not least, there’s Natalya. I don’t want to stroke your ego too much, Nattie – after all, you are one of my opponents – but I want you to know, I have a hell of a lot of respect for you. You’re one of the best to ever set foot in an EBWF ring, and I’ll be forever grateful to you and Trish Stratus; the two of you paved the way for women like me. I’ll even address the elephant in the room – you should already have your shot at Sakisama for the Women’s Title, because if she’d had the decency to show up when she was booked to face you the other week, I have no doubt you would have beaten her. But neither of us can change the past, we just have to make do with the cards we’re dealt. You have the opportunity to right that wrong, and if you grab the right briefcase tonight, I’ll be cheering you on against Sakisama on Sunday. But I want that opportunity too, so I’m going to do everything I can to stop you from grabbing one of the briefcases until I’ve got my hands on one.

Britt looked off into the distance, as if picturing herself being victorious. She smiled to herself, then turned her attention back to the camera.

Britt Baker: Ladies, feast or famine, it doesn't matter. The result will be the same – the doctor standing tall, securing her spot at the top. See you all in the ring.

Britt did her DMD taunt, then shoved the camera away, bringing the scene to a close.