So Easy
Posted: Mon Aug 05, 2024 10:44 pm
Sunday night, the house show crowd inside the BOK Center in Tulsa, Oklahoma went wild as “Cult of Personality” hit and the EBWF World Champion came from behind the curtain. The title was around his waist, and he took a knee on the stage as the crowd echoed “It’s Clobbering Time”. CM Punk proceeded down the ramp, and rolled into the ring under the bottom rope. He took a microphone from the ring announcer, and stood in the center of the ring as a “CM Punk” chant went up from the audience.
CM Punk: Is it good to be alive on a Sunday night in Tulsa, Oklahoma, or what?
The crowd popped at that, and Punk paced the ring for a moment as CM Punk chants continued.
CM Punk: In the internet age there is no such thing as dark matches! We are live on YouTube, TikTok and Facebook Live! And tomorrow night I walk into Oklahoma City to take on the lowest IQ member of Bro Awesome, Riddle.
The crowd gave a long “Broooooo!” Punk rolled his eyes.
CM Punk: Com’on! Not you too!
He smirked.
CM Punk: No, no, I get it. They’re allegedly funny. They’re goofs, but that’s why they’re liked. I mean, Riddle is too dumb to recognize that he’s already been betrayed, but I’m sure we’ll get to that. Tomorrow night, on Warfare, I’m set to face Riddle in a masterful booking opportunity which can only be described as “set up the PPV match”. Take on the contender’s so-called friend and see what shenanigans ensue.
Punk looked down the lens.
CM Punk: It might surprise some of you to know I actually watch the program. Riddle will be expected to soften me up for the match with Miz, in which Miz endeavors to become an 8 time world champion, but the thing here Mike, is that this is just another rerun from you.
He seemed to turn that over for a moment, but then shook his head.
CM Punk: But I’ll get to you in due time. Right now, it’s all about Matt Riddle. A guy who literally might not know his ass from a hole in the ground. Riddle, I don’t know when you’re going to learn that Mike’s never gonna let you be the guy. Hell, half the time he shows more respect to Michael Cole than you, and you’re an actual wrestler. I know you’re thinking if you get a pin on the EBWF World Champion that you’ll get a world title opportunity. I know you’re thinking that maybe you can be taken seriously for once in your miserable life, but as long as you keep playing lackey to…
Punk paused.
CM Punk: See, a lackey is someone who does someone else’s bidding…
Punk rubbed his temple.
CM Punk: Um… doing someone’s bidding is when you go out and do their dirty work for them. You become a patsy for their…
Punk groaned, exasperated.
CM Punk: A patsy is a goof, an idiot. Look in the mirror, you’ll figure it out.
The crowd “oohed” and Punk smirked.
CM Punk: We’ve read this book before… not that you read.
The crowd reacted again.
CM Punk: Okay, okay… I’m sorry. He just makes it too easy. But here’s what I want you to do, Riddle. I want you to go back and look at the long, illustrious career of The Miz and ask yourself how well things have worked out for the guy in your shoes. Mike Mizanin destroys everyone in his orbit. You think you’re getting The Miz rub, when really all that’s happening is you’re getting buried. Let me be the one to speed up the process for you, Riddle. I’m going to embarrass you so badly tomorrow night at Warfare, it’ll be a miracle if you ever show your face around EBWF again. And you can count on that, Matt…
Punk took the title off of his waist and held it in the air with one arm while holding the mic with the other.
CM Punk: I won’t be beaten, and no one is going to take this from me. Because there isn’t a single damn thing I’ve said I’d do that I haven’t done, which is a shame for you Riddle. Hopefully, you’ll figure that out sometime between the three count and when you’re left picking your teeth up off the mat.
Punk threw the mic down as the crowd cheered in response and Cult of Personality hit again. Punk moved up the ramp confidently as the live stream went to an ad break.
CM Punk: Is it good to be alive on a Sunday night in Tulsa, Oklahoma, or what?
The crowd popped at that, and Punk paced the ring for a moment as CM Punk chants continued.
CM Punk: In the internet age there is no such thing as dark matches! We are live on YouTube, TikTok and Facebook Live! And tomorrow night I walk into Oklahoma City to take on the lowest IQ member of Bro Awesome, Riddle.
The crowd gave a long “Broooooo!” Punk rolled his eyes.
CM Punk: Com’on! Not you too!
He smirked.
CM Punk: No, no, I get it. They’re allegedly funny. They’re goofs, but that’s why they’re liked. I mean, Riddle is too dumb to recognize that he’s already been betrayed, but I’m sure we’ll get to that. Tomorrow night, on Warfare, I’m set to face Riddle in a masterful booking opportunity which can only be described as “set up the PPV match”. Take on the contender’s so-called friend and see what shenanigans ensue.
Punk looked down the lens.
CM Punk: It might surprise some of you to know I actually watch the program. Riddle will be expected to soften me up for the match with Miz, in which Miz endeavors to become an 8 time world champion, but the thing here Mike, is that this is just another rerun from you.
He seemed to turn that over for a moment, but then shook his head.
CM Punk: But I’ll get to you in due time. Right now, it’s all about Matt Riddle. A guy who literally might not know his ass from a hole in the ground. Riddle, I don’t know when you’re going to learn that Mike’s never gonna let you be the guy. Hell, half the time he shows more respect to Michael Cole than you, and you’re an actual wrestler. I know you’re thinking if you get a pin on the EBWF World Champion that you’ll get a world title opportunity. I know you’re thinking that maybe you can be taken seriously for once in your miserable life, but as long as you keep playing lackey to…
Punk paused.
CM Punk: See, a lackey is someone who does someone else’s bidding…
Punk rubbed his temple.
CM Punk: Um… doing someone’s bidding is when you go out and do their dirty work for them. You become a patsy for their…
Punk groaned, exasperated.
CM Punk: A patsy is a goof, an idiot. Look in the mirror, you’ll figure it out.
The crowd “oohed” and Punk smirked.
CM Punk: We’ve read this book before… not that you read.
The crowd reacted again.
CM Punk: Okay, okay… I’m sorry. He just makes it too easy. But here’s what I want you to do, Riddle. I want you to go back and look at the long, illustrious career of The Miz and ask yourself how well things have worked out for the guy in your shoes. Mike Mizanin destroys everyone in his orbit. You think you’re getting The Miz rub, when really all that’s happening is you’re getting buried. Let me be the one to speed up the process for you, Riddle. I’m going to embarrass you so badly tomorrow night at Warfare, it’ll be a miracle if you ever show your face around EBWF again. And you can count on that, Matt…
Punk took the title off of his waist and held it in the air with one arm while holding the mic with the other.
CM Punk: I won’t be beaten, and no one is going to take this from me. Because there isn’t a single damn thing I’ve said I’d do that I haven’t done, which is a shame for you Riddle. Hopefully, you’ll figure that out sometime between the three count and when you’re left picking your teeth up off the mat.
Punk threw the mic down as the crowd cheered in response and Cult of Personality hit again. Punk moved up the ramp confidently as the live stream went to an ad break.