Miz Cleo Says: The Miz WILL Win The Royal Rumble!

[D.J]

It hadn't been the best of two weeks for the EBWF Intercontinental Champion, Mike "The Miz" Mizanin. Both on screen or off. Off screen, Mizanin split with girlfriend Layla El, after some alleged rumors of Mike being unfaithful broke. On screen "The Miz" had been struggling as well, he and AJ Styles lost the tag team championships losing their first title defense to Ambrose/Rollins, and just last week Miz was pinned by the same man that will challenge him for the Intercontinental Championship at Royal Rumble, in Trent Barreta. Though exacting his revenge on Trent was high on Miz' priority list, there was something else that weighed heavy on his mind, that something was the EBWF Royal Rumble. Miz did not compete last year, as it was this same event in which he defeated Brian Kendrick to earn his first and only EBWF World Championship. This year Miz' focus was being pulled in several directions, but come Sunday during that Royal Rumble match there will be few man DYING to get back on top, more than Mike Mizanin. Sometimes it's the most desperate of men, that also become the most dangerous.

The scene opened up in The Miz' LA home. We were in his theater, the lights were dark, but you could see his head and shoulders sitting in a seat in the front row looking up at the screen. The camera zoomed into the screen, where we were quickly taken back to the 2012 Royal Rumble. On screen The Miz was battling Bryan Kendrick. The following is move by move what was being shown:

Miz went for an elbow drop but Kendrick moved. Kendrick sent Miz into the corner hard and hit a double underhook suplex for two. Kendrick went for the sliced bread but the ref was in the way. Miz got in a quick low kick to the thigh, and turned it into the Skull Crushing Finale.

Jerry Lawler: Could it be?! Hold on…

Jim Ross: The Miz with the pin.

1…2…3!

Jim Ross: We've just seen what many thought was completely impossible!

Lilian Garcia: Ladies and Gentlemen, your winner and the Neeeeeeeeeew, EBWF World Champion… THE Miiiizzzzzzz!

The Miz grabbed the EBWF World Championship and stood up on the turnbuckle, holding the title high above his head as the screen faded. The camera faded back to Miz sitting in the front row in a white with blue letters "Your Favorite Wrestler's Favorite Wrestler" shirt. He had a blue undershirt on underneath, the Intercontinental Championship over his left shoulder, blue jeans and white shoes. He leaned forward in his seat and looked into the camera.

The Miz: One year ago almost to the day, was the greatest day in my Wrestling Career. One year ago, as you all just saw I captured the EBWF Title from Brian Kendrick, at the Royal Rumble. Here we sit, one year later, and I know many of my opponents this week will say, but Miz now you're just the Intercontinental Champion, haven't you gone backwards, haven't you regressed? To them I ask simply, who are you? What have you done to ask me something so condescending, to make such a claim, that I am somehow inferior to the man, that you all just watched from last January. I am a face that will never be forgotten in this business, a voice that will still be ringing in people's ears long after I'm finished here. I've held every championship in this company with the exception of the Breakout Title, and the reason for that is I had already broken out before I even signed the piece of paper that brought me here. What I am, and what I continue to be, is someone that you can't forget about, someone that you can NEVER underestimate. Would it be ideal, if I was sitting here holding that same title I won last year at this event, of course it would. Is it something that concerns me? Of course it isn't, and here's why. This Sunday at Royal Rumble there are going to be 29 other individuals beside myself, who think that they are about to take advantage of the chance of a lifetime. 29 other individuals who think that the Royal Rumble is their ticket to the big time, 29 other individuals who are all SADLY and HORRIBLY mistaken. The Royal Rumble match isn't going to anoint EBWF's new big star, it is simply put going to restore it's biggest star to the place he belongs, on top of this business. Because after I win the Royal Rumble match, I'm going to Wrestlemania, where this time, no matter WHO is the champion, I'm going to run through them, just like I did Brian Kendrick last year, and this shot.

The camera cut to the screen which was paused on the Miz holding the EBWF Title.

The Miz: Is something that everyone is going to have to get used to seeing once again. So you think I've regressed? You think I'm not the man I was last year? Well I dare any of the 29 other competitors on Sunday to try and prove it.

The screen cut away to static. We faded back in, in a studio of sorts. On the back wall there was a logo that read " MIZ TV" that the camera was focused in on, we then got a wider shot and The Miz sat on a stool in a nice black button up shirt, and dark grey jeans. He had the IC Title over his right shoulder, and he had a confident smirk on his face.. or as they called it for The Miz.. his normal face.

The Miz: Hello Mizfits and Miztakes and welcome to Miz TV. I'm your host.. obviously.. The Miz, and today's episode is going to be a dandy, because today my adoring public, we are going to be taking a look at the field of 30, and I'm going to be explaining the main reasons why none of the other 29 men, excluding myself.. again.. obviously.. have a chance to win the big Royal Rumble match this Sunday. Sound like fun? I know it does. Let's get right into it with the man that will be entering at #1 LORD TENSAI.

Tensai's picture popped up on the screen.

The Miz: Let's start with the obvious reasons he's fat, he's slow, and I'm not really sure what he's going for with this whole thing he's currently doing. Like really? You went to Japan, and you came back and we're supposed to forget that you're Prince Albert? Really?

A picture of Tensai during his Prince Albert days popped up on the screen.

The Miz: Are you intimidating? are you trying to be? Are those two girls that hang around with you, like your servants or are you theirs? I don't know. The only thing this guy might have going for him on Sunday is if I waste my energy trying to figure him out, because right now I'm having a tough time, and I'm a brilliant man.

A picture of Miz in a graduation gown holding a diploma that read "brilliant man" was shown.

The Miz: The bottom line is Lord Tensai, Prince Albert, whoever you are.. you may have gone through the excruciating pain of shaving your back.

A clip of Steve Carrell yelling "OHHHH KELLY CLARKSON," from 40 year old virgin was heard.

The Miz: But it's nothing compared to the beating, I will issue you on Sunday at the rumble, if you try and stand in my way of a trip to Wrestlemania to regain what's mine. I'll send you back to Japan faster than you can say..

A clip of Funaki was heard.

Funaki: INDEED!

The Miz: Moving on, as you all know every Royal Rumble has "have's" and "have not's," what I mean is simply there are guys who are widely looked at as the individuals who "have" a prayer of winning, and others who simply "have not" a chance in hell. The category I'd like to talk about first, because it's more fun, is the "have not's." The guys like

As Miz rattled the following names, their faces popped up on the screen after each one.

The Miz: Bully Ray, Broadus Clay Bobby Roode, Batista, Hawkins, Reks, Santino, Ziggler, Kane. I mean sure this is some brawn there, but you know who else has brawn.

A picture of the Great Khali was shown.

The Miz: And I don't think anyone is afraid of that oaf. Here's the situation with these guys, the "have not's" Guys like Batista, Clay, Roode, Ziggler, these are all guys that at one point or another somebody said "hey they just may have what it takes, they may have what we're looking for." So those guys got opportunity after opportunity. When the point I'm making here is you can give a dog an xbox 360 controller, but that doesn't mean it's going to know what to do with it.

A picture of a dog with an xbox 360 controller popped up on the screen. Miz had a shit eating grin on his face.

The Miz: These guys just prove time and time again, that though they may have the look, though they may be able to fake the attitude that you need to make it. They just continue to go nowhere fast. The saddest part about it all is that if you ask them, they are superstars, they are the best thing going around here, confidence is power.. over confidence is stupidity.. and these guys prove day in and day out to be filled with the latter. For Batista the latter means the second thing I said and not the first. I think we all know what just happened, even after my explanation.

A picture of Batista was shown, a short circuiting sound followed.

The Miz: Then you got guys like Hawkins, Reks, Kane, who are here, but nobody ever really knows why. They come out on Monday Night's and people go "Yes finally, I can go get another beer."

A picture of a fat guy with a beer in hand and smile on his face was shown.

The Miz: They are EBWF's bathroom break guys. Much like an elementary school basketball coach, you might be excited to be doing what you're doing, you might even win here and there, but at the end of the day the only one who really cares is you. If these three have any false hope that Sunday could potentially be their blast off point, then they've apparently already "blasted off" into another dimension or another planet, because here on earth, even cheating ref Tim Donaghy

Tim's picture was shown.

The Miz: Couldn't rig it so that any of them would have a shot to win on Sunday, and headline Wrestlemania, and that guy could rig anything! Rounding out the "have not's" we look at my buddies Santino and Bully Ray. Bully Ray is hard to even talk about without laughing, I mean the guy goes around screaming at people like he's an 80 year old with no hearing aid.

A picture of an old man putting his hand to his ear was shown.

The Miz: Yelling and swearing, because of the fact that he doesn't have two brain cells to rub together, and thus can't think of anything to say that would get people to listen if he spoke in a normal tone of voice. Bully Ray is a guy that throughout his wrestling life, has stuttered, put people through tables, apparently gone on Jenny Craig.

A before and after shot was shown of "Bubba Ray" vs. "Bully Ray"

The Miz: and now is apparently obsessed with his calves. Bully Ray is the guy on Facebook who updates his status every 15 minutes about the routine he just did in the gym. "16 calve raises today, in 30 second intervals, hashtag my calves rule. Hash tag yours drool." I don't think he even thinks, that he has a shot on Sunday. To win the Rumble match you have to be smart, you have to think as much as you act, none of which Bully is capable of. Bully Ray will enter Sunday's rumble yelling and screaming like the cave man that he is, and he will be quickly thrown over the top rope for his troubles. Hashtag Fact.

a "#fact" popup was shown, Miz smiled.

The Miz: Then you have Santino. Oh Santino, what is there really to say? This might be my favorite EBWF story right now. Santino's struggle, to be funny or to be serious. Does it really matter? Either way you're still Santino. Either way you're still a 5 foot 5 Italian loser with a unibrow..

Anthony Davis' picture was shown. The most famous unibrower, besides maybe Santino himself.

The Miz: so if you're smiling and goofing around with a sock puppet, or if you're frowning and scowling about the fact that you're a 5 foot 5 Italian loser with a unibrow, does it really matter? Much like The Rock said to me this past Monday.. no it doesn't matter. Let me give you some advice Santino, bring the cobra back, try to make us laugh again, because believe me, and you can trust me 100 percent when I say this.. it's better to try and make us all laugh with you.. because right now with this whole "I'm Santino hear me roar.. I'm serious.." thing you got going on, we're all just laughing at you. I'm certain that you will come out and point to the fact that you've actually won your last two matches, and that that's supposed to scare any of us. I'd say act like you've been there before, but then that's right.. you haven't been. So good luck with finding your true self, and good luck this Sunday, trust me you'll need it.

The Miz seemed actually very mature in that last sentence, and seemed to genuinely be wishing Santino the best.

The Miz: You'll need it cause you SUCK!

Nevermind. The Miz smiled as he reached down onto the desk in front of him, and flipped to a new page of notes.

The Miz: Then of course we've got the "haves" the guy's that supposedly have the best chance of keeping me from winning the Royal Rumble match, and recapturing the EBWF Championship at Wrestlemania. Guys like

Once again, faces popped up as Miz listed.

The Miz: Cena, Orton, Rock, Triple H, Ted DiBiase, Edge, Mr. Anderson, of course my buddy AJ, and hell even those two weirdos Rollins and Ambrose, people are talking about as possible sleepers. Let me tell all you Mizfits out there something, just because someone has developed their name to a point where it's recognized doesn't mean that what they bring to the table means anything anymore. Maybe it did once, or maybe it did for a little bit of time, but part of being a true success in this business, is continuing to do it night in and night out. Guys like Randy Orton, John Cena, The Rock, Triple H, that doesn't seem to matter to them. A guy like Orton, who was a huge deal in this company.. once.. he was the EBWF Champion for what seemed like forever, and he was a person that everybody feared. So because that happened, now he just strolls in and out of this place whenever he damn well pleases. Teams up with another one of the "lost boys" Edge and we're all supposed to bow down and welcome them back with open arms. Well.. that's just not going to happen.

The Miz said those words in a playful way, that inflected "obviously," in his tone.

The Miz: Newsflash to all these old timers, things have changed. You might get an oooh or an ahhh here and there each time you return, but after that, then what? All these people are like "Rated RKO is back, wooo hoo, they beat two other fossils in Foley and Rock at Christmas Eve of Destruction.. WOO HOO! " When I'm just like.. "this is what they always do, and in a month they'll be gone again.. WOO HOO!" Then don't even get me started on John Cena.. even though I basically just got myself started there.. by asking you not to. The Miz.. wizard with words.

The Miz in a wizard costume popped up.

The Miz: John Cena is somebody that anyone of us could literally go on and on about. I mean what does this guy do, that we all just constantly forget about any mistake he ever makes? I mean several months back, this guy was out of his mind beating up employees, getting physical with women, completely tapped out of his mind, and all of sudden he's right back to being good old lovable Johnny Boy, and everybody's like "Oh well he's sorry.. I guess it's OK." When you can just see him being like.. "exactly I'm sorry."

A picture of John Cena winking popped up.

The Miz: He's another one though, I literally couldn't be less interested in. It's like Santino, are you crazy? Are you nice? Are you sugar? Are you spice? Oh look at that who's the rapper now, John?

A picture of Miz in thug gear popped up. Miz smiled.

The Miz: I will tell you one thing though Cena, you will answer that question for all of us, if you claim to be a favorite on Sunday.. because if you do we will all know that you're still as crazy as ever. You like to rap, John? Why don't you do us all a favor when it comes to your career, and just "wrap it up" already you've overstayed your welcome, you're boring, you're dull, even when you try to be the opposite, you overdo it so much that it's still not interesting.. you're not interesting.. quit again.. or I'll make you.

The Miz seemed intense, he seemingly hated John Cena.

The Miz: Speaking of quitting, it brings me to my good friend and yours, the one and only Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. I have to give Rated RKO credit, at least when they made this big grand return, they won their match. You and Foley came back with all this hype and hysteria, and you couldn't even get the job done. Rock, I'm not going to lie, I was a fan of yours. You were one of the people that inspired me to want be a pro wrestler, I thought you were great. I also had frosted tips and thought they were great too back then, so I'm not sure quite where that leaves you.

A picture of younger Miz with blonde frosted tips was shown.

The Miz: The fact of the matter is that you were the biggest thing in this business, and you had millions and millions of fans, including me and my frosted tips, but the one thing you didn't have Rock was loyalty. You weren't loyal to this business that gave you everything. You weren't loyal to the people of who you claim to be the champion of. For some reason our great fans, continue to let you back into their good graces, no matter how many times you show them why you don't deserve it. For months, years, at a time you leave, and then come back, and then you leave again. You are like the abusive boyfriend who can always sweet talk his girl into taking him back. Rock, you truly were a talent in your hay day, but your hay day is long long gone, and no matter how much you hit the gym at 4 am, no matter how much you bring back the "know your roles," and the "it doesn't matters," it's never going to be like it was. This business has passed you by, and this Sunday so too will your chance at headlining another Wrestlemania, because that honor my friend, will belong to The Miz. That's not something I "think," it's something I "know," because as you so eloquently put it "what I think" doesn't matter, but I'm going to show you that what I "know" does.

The Miz looked intensely into the camera. These returning legends, seem to touch a different nerve on Miz, than the inexperienced EBWF'ers do. Almost like he is guarding his territory with his life, not wanting to give it back to the stars of the past.

The Miz: Speaking of coming back and losing, we have "The Game" Triple H. I mean the more I talk about this Mizfits, the more excited I get. This would have been like a dream come true about a decade ago, Triple H, The Rock, Edge, I mean I would have been just happy to be there with those guys. That was 10 years ago though, and this is today. Today those guys are fossils of the past, it's like believing that Nolan Ryan could still strike someone out at age 60. Triple H and all these other guys are trying to pitch in the big leagues throwing 65 miles per hour, and I'm the guy now that's going to take them yard again and again. Let's recap, it's basically the same story as the others. Road to Wrestlemania, Triple H big return, sledgehammer, Triple H scowl, wet hair, the whole nine yards. Instantly given a World Title Shot against CM Punk.. loses. Haven't heard from him since. Yet somehow people are still looking at him through black and green blinders. They still think of him as The King of Kings that he once was. Ignoring his saggy Hulk Hogan boobs,

Hulk Hogan was shown.

The Miz: ..and the fact that he no longer can hack it with the rest of us.

CM Punk pinning HHH was shown.

The Miz: Hunter, you may not be "The Game" anymore but if you somehow find a way to become that guy once again on Sunday, you are going to be horrified to find out that even at your absolute best. Even if you hopped into the fountain of youth, and were at your absolute best ten years ago, I will make sure you know that 2013 Miz, is better than any year Triple H, you will be 100 percent certain, that I will be plenty "game" for whatever you're planning to throw my way, and if you're not down with that, I got two words for you.. don't care.

The Miz adjusted the Intercontinental Championship on his shoulder and moved right along.

The Miz: Now not all these "threats" were around for when Abe Lincoln was President some of them actually are from our time. Like two guys that I know very well, AJ Styles and Ted DiBiase. What a difference one year makes, not just on Triple H's saggy boobs, but also on the Wrestling world. Last year at Royal Rumble Ted, AJ, and myself dominated the event as the best stable in EBWF history, The Trilogy. Ted won the PTG Championship that he held for over 11 months, AJ won the Royal Rumble, and of course I became the EBWF Champion. This year, AJ and myself after a fierce rivalry, are once again allies, while Ted continues to drift off into obscurity, proving time and time again that he was no more than a Funaki caliber third wheel in our group. In fact Funaki, might have been better.

Funaki's clip was heard again.

Funaki: INDEED.

The Miz: I'd be surprised if Ted even showed his face this week, all month the guys been walking around like his goldfish died, because he lost the PTG Championship to Alberto Del Rio.

Del Rio holding the PTG Title was shown.

The Miz: Ted and that title, my god the memories. He was like that little brother who had two amazing older brothers, who had countless accolades in sports and things people care about, who them won like the 3rd grade spelling me and got a pint sized trophy, and was like "hey guys look what I got. I won the third grade spelling bee. Which means I'm going to be the third grade spelling bee champion, all year, and then next year when I get to fourth grade, I'm going to be the fourth great spelling bee champion. I know you are both All Americans in football, but can you spell mediocrity? I can M-E-D-I-O-C-R-I-T-Y.. mediocrity, I can not only spell it.. I am it.. compared to you guys!" That's all you ever were Ted, a mediocre guy we let stand next to us with your little pint sized spelling bee champion Path To Glory belt. Ted's title reign, did get him chances for the big time, but he of course blew them, he's just not that talented, and a lot of people blame the demise of The Trilogy on AJ and I's feud, but really, we just decided to end it so we didn't have to hang out with Ted anymore. If you don't believe me, ask AJ. I mean sure me stealing AJ's girlfriend on live TV seemed like an elaborate way of getting rid of Ted, but sometimes you gotta sell it.

Miz smiled

The Miz: With regards to AJ. I'm not going to go into our history, we all know about it, we all enjoyed it.. especially him since he won like every match we've ever had against each other. All of that's in the past. We're friends and we're competitors, we both want our chance to get back to the top, and I know we'll both go for it full force. May the best man win, and for once I hope it's me..I have a sneaking suspicion that it will be.. nothing could waiver my confidence as you all know full well!

The Miz again chuckled to himself knowingly.

The Miz: I will say that I'm not interested in seeing a back to back winner, let's leave it at that. Unless AJ was facing Mr. Anderson again, then a back to back winner would be just fine with me. Last year AJ defeated Mr. Anderson for the Intercontinental Championship, prior to winning the rumble. This year Mr. Anderson and I have gotten to know each other quite well. The story of how I dooped the Coalition is well known. I left them behind leading to the whole group seemingly disappearing. Big shock.. who could have ever predicted that... oh wait... I did.

A picture of the Miz pointing to himself popped up on the screen.

The Miz: Ken Anderson, a man who has been near that top echelon of superstars, but just can't quite crack it. No matter what he does, who he joins up with, how much gum he chews. He just can't seem to become a serious contender or a serious threat in this business. Likewise on Sunday Night, I don't view him as a serious contender or threat in this Royal Rumble match. I know the guy, he's a hot head, and hot heads have no place in a match like this. If you fight on all emotions, then hopefully you aren't too emotional when you get dumped from the match immediately. You have to keep your composure and maintain your poise to go the distance in the rumble, and the fact that Ken was last years runner up, is going to have our resident asshole, even more hot under the collar to win this year. So as soon as it starts to slip away from him, he's going into panic mode, and then he's going over the top rope to the floor. Trust me on this one, after the rumble, a common phrase will be. "I was surprised at how little of a factor Anderson was." My response to that will be "I wasn't." I'm not saying I can see the future on this one.. but.. I can see the future on this one. Call me "Miz Cleo"

A picture of Miz in crazy garments that an infomercial psychic may wear popped up on the screen.

The Miz: The future, something that two guys who I've gotten to know rather quickly in Seth Rollins and Dean Ambrose, talk about quite a bit. How they are going to change the landscape around here, how they are going to do this and do that, and the fact is, I may not have given these guys enough credit. They did find away to defeat AJ and myself and regain the titles. They may be a little weird, but so is Nikki Minaj and she's sold a billion records.

A picture of Nikki Minaj popped up with a certificate photoshopped into her hand that read "congrats on selling a billion records."

The Miz: I'm not going to write these guys off, in the Rumble. I want to so bad, because again they are just so strange and annoying, but these guys have proven that they aren't to be taken lightly. So unfortunately for them, there only advantage is now gone. You see these guys came in and were naturally overlooked as just to weird kids saying cryptic things, that everyone pretty much ignored. Then they started to win some matches, literally just by just not being as horrendous and irrelevant as we all thought they'd be. You guys aren't sneaking up on anyone anymore, ESPECIALLY not with a chance at the EBWF Title up for grabs. You guys are done getting the best of me, because now I will give you the best of me, and there's no way in the world, that either of you are ready for that. I feel a little bad, as I can just sense that I'm currently crushing their dreams, but keep this in mind fellas, American Horror Story has a new storyline every season, so you can always audition for that if this whole wrestling thing.. sorry.. when this whole wrestling thing doesn't work out.

A picture of Rollins and Ambrose popped up with American Horror Stories logo behind them.

The Miz: Here's the bottom line, and I hope my saying that doesn't cause Stone Cold to start getting nostalgic and join the rest of the geezer convention EBWF is becoming, but anyways, the bottom line is this. This Sunday the Royal Rumble match to me, is a rebirth. It will mark the ringing in of the next era of Miz dominance. I'm proud of the year I had in 2012, it was my best one to date, but at this time next year, I will be saying the same thing about 2013, and it will have all started with my victory at The Rumble. Sleep tight Mizfits, fore Sunday it all begins again!

The scene faded out. We then cut to an EBWF Royal Rumble preview show. As always Todd Grisham and Matt Striker, both dressed in suits manned the desk with papers in front of them. Grisham spoke first.

Todd Grisham: Welcome back ladies and Gentlemen, as we continue down the road to Wrestlemania, our next stop, Atlanta, Georgia for the EBWF's Royal Rumble.

Matt Striker: That's right Todd many of great matches on tap. Including of course both the Men and Women's Royal Rumble matches themselves. We also have the Path To Glory and Intercontinental Championships online, and of course CM Punk going head to head with the one and only Raven.

Todd Grisham: Speaking though of the Intercontinental Championship. It's Champion The Miz has been making his intentions known all week, not only on a spirited episode of Miz TV but also on another show.. Late Night with Jimmy Fallon. Take a look.

The scene faded to the set of "Late Night with Jimmy Fallon." Jimmy sat at his desk with a black suit on and a smile on his face. As he was ready to welcome his next guest.

Jimmy Fallon: Our next guest has become a pretty well known figure to say the least, he is the EBWF's Intercontinental Champion and will be one of 30 men to compete this Sunday in the EBWF's Pay Per View Extravaganza, Royal Rumble, please welcome, The Miz!!!

The crowd cheered as "I Came To Play" by Downstait filled the studio, and The Miz came out dressed in a grey designer suit. He had the Intercontinental Championship over his shoulder He smiled and shook Jimmy's hand. Jimmy sat down behind his desk, and Miz did the same on the couch next to Jimmy.

Jimmy Fallon: So how are ya? Nervous? Excited? Big Royal Rumble Match coming up right.

The Miz smirked playfully.

The Miz: Nervous? Jimmy no, I don't get nervous, I think you're the only one who can still get flustered no matter how long you do something.

Jimmy laughed playing it off.

Jimmy Fallon: What ahh.. what do you mean?

The Miz looked off camera.

The Miz: Do I have to show the clips?

The crowd cheered and Jimmy, who I'm sure knew this was coming, was acting as though he didn't know.

Jimmy Fallon: What clips?

The Miz: Roll it.

Several clips of Jimmy Fallon busting into laughter, and looking at the camera during his time at SNL were shown. After a few minutes we returned to Jimmy's show. The Miz was shaking his head in disappointment. Jimmy laughed.

Jimmy Fallon: What's the big deal, so I laughed a couple times. You mean to tell me if someone just like sucked in the ring? You wouldn't laugh at them mid match. Or look at the camera and be like, hey.. you know.. what is this guy doing?

The Miz: Clearly not, Jimmy, I have been in the ring with Christian and I haven't done that once yet, mostly I just hurt him, until I feel like having the match be over, and then I pin him.

Jimmy Fallon: Right totally. Maybe that's what I should have done every time one of my SNL cast members messed up.

The Miz: I don't know man, I'm not sure how many of them you could have taken.

The crowd laughed enjoying the back and forth.

Jimmy Fallon: That's true.. anyways.. we're off topic. So the Royal Rumble this Sunday.

The Miz: Yes. The Royal Rumble is this Sunday, you've done your homework.

Jimmy Fallon: That's why they pay me the big bucks.

The Miz: Well deserved.

Jimmy Fallon: Well thank you. Anyways I'm sure you are pretty high on your chances to win, since well, you're always pretty high on your chances to win. Are there any other competitors though that you think.. I don't know.. could give you a run for your money?

The Miz: Not particularly, I mean I just know myself Jimmy, Randy Moss once said..

Jimmy Fallon: Quoting Randy Moss, always a treat.. I'm sorry please go ahead.

The Miz looked at him with a sarcastic smile.

The Miz: Thank you, I will go ahead. Randy Moss once said "I play when I want to." That's how I've sort of been over the past couple months. It's not like me, and I'm not at my best when I'm in this mind set. Taking nights off almost, and I've even dropped a couple matches because of it.

Jimmy looked sarcastically shocked.

Jimmy Fallon: Say it aint so.

The Miz: I know, I know horrible. So anyways, Royal Rumble is going to mark the change in mindset that I've needed to accomplish the things that I not only want to accomplish but the things I SHOULD be accomplishing every day of the year. At Royal Rumble, when I outlast 29 other men, I will be on to Wrestlemania, to win back the EBWF Championship, and hold it a lot longer than you can hold a straight face.

Jimmy Fallon laughed as did the audience.

Jimmy Fallon: You're all over me today, you ARE on your game. So I mean, I don't know I love the confidence but there are some guys on this list, I don't know they seem like they could be pretty tough. Like The Rock doesn't worry you at all?

The Miz: Not really, he's not in the best of shape.

A picture of The Rock looking absolutely ripped working out in the gym appeared. The crowd laughed when they saw this.

Jimmy Fallon: You're right.. total slob.

The Miz: Seriously.

A picture of Jimmy in the same clothes as The Rock looking frail and skinny appeared. The crowd cracked up. Miz smiled too.

The Miz: Now that's what I'm talking about.

Jimmy Fallon: The picture of fitness right there.

The Miz: Absolutely.

Jimmy Fallon: In all seriousness though. I mean I'm looking at this list, none of these guys pose a threat to you huh? Wade Barrett, James Storm, Rhyno, Zack Ryder, Rey Mysterio, Alberto Del Rio, Daniel Bryan none of them? Not even Trent Barreta who you also face earlier in the night, and who beat you last Monday on Warfare if I'm not mistaken.

The Miz looked at Jimmy.

The Miz: Somebody learned how to work the Google.

Jimmy Fallon: I'd say I'm leaning towards being pretty advanced on google, absolutely.

The Miz: To answer the question though Jimmy. None of the guys you mentioned worry me all that much. I mean Wade Barrett and I have only met once, and it was when he was a member of the Elimination Chamber match last February for what was then, and what will soon be again, my EBWF Championship. He didn't pose much of a threat to me that night, and I have no reason to think he will again. James Storm is new to the EBWF, but I mean who could be afraid of a pot belly cowboy, who breaks beer bottles over people's heads.

Jimmy raised his hand and the audience laughed, as did The Miz.

The Miz: Storm's the Breakout Champion, which for those of you not all that familiar with our show, it's the title that's held basically by the best of the worst. So though Storm may be able to deal with the likes of Zack Ryder, another guy you just mentioned, he certainly isn't on the same playing field as someone like The Miz. He's actually not even in the same facility.
Who else did you just mention?

Jimmy Fallon: Rey Mysterio, Rhyno..

The Miz: Right, well I'm definitely not overly concerned about Mysterio. He might have his moments where everyone is enthralled by the fact that he can flip around, but then he'll be reminded that the Royal Rumble isn't for the vertically challenged.

Jimmy Fallon: So you're saying I wouldn't fare to well.

The Miz: I like you Jimmy, but yes, that is exactly what I'm saying.

The crowd laughed again.

The Miz: Not too concerned with Rhyno either or Daniel Bryan. These are the guys Jimmy, that are known as "the fillers" You gotta have 30 guys in there, so guys like Rhyno, Daniel Bryan, they are perfect in this role. Rhyno's claim to fame recently has been his retiring his move "The Gore" basically the only thing he's known for. It'd be like Alex Rodriquez putting the needle down.

The crowd oooh'd

Jimmy Fallon: You went there.

The Miz: I did.

Jimmy Fallon: Well played sir.

Jimmy, a well documented Sox fan, gave Miz a finger wiggle. The crowd laughed.

The Miz: So no gore for Rhyno, basically means the only thing I'd be watching out for, no longer exists in his arsenal. As for D. Bryan hasn't really gotten his feet on the ground around here yet, bouncing around irrelevance trying to join forces with guys like Paul Heyman, I don't know, nothing against him, it's just he's not really too high on my radar either.. actually what am I saying? Everything against him, the guy's awful, and has no chance on Sunday.

Jimmy Fallon: Such a sweet talker when it comes to your fellow employees.

The Miz: They'll live.

Jimmy Fallon: You're still neglecting to talk about Trent Barreta. What's up with that?

The Miz: I'm not neglecting to talk about him Jimmy, I just haven't gotten there yet. You listed off a ton of guys, that if they hadn't been asked about would have never even crossed my mind, I'm trying to be thorough here as a guest on your program!

Jimmy Fallon: Well I appreciate that!

The Miz: Well you're welcome! God...

The crowd laughed, Jimmy smiled. There was silence. Miz and Jimmy started talking at the same time.

Jimmy Fallon: So Trent Bar...

The Miz: Oh right you want me to comment on Trent.

The crowd laughed some more.

The Miz: Trent Barreta, is a guy that has really defied the odds in the EBWF. When he first arrived people didn't take him all that seriously. The guy then proceeded to rattle off a heck of a winning streak. He won the breakout title which.. as I already mentioned.. kind of well..

Jimmy Fallon: Sucks.

The Miz: Exactly, but he also won the tag titles, he made a name for himself. I'm not going to sit here, and make fun of that, because my story is pretty similar. I'm also not going to make fun of the fact, that the guy spends his "alone time" playing with...

Jimmy Fallon: This a family show, even though it is late night.

The Miz: Relax Fallon, I was going to say playing with his nintendo. I'm not going to make fun of the fact that he's a 8 year old in a 28 year old body. Or that he asked me the other day if I was concerned about catching cooties from a young lady I was talking to. I won't make fun of the fact that his porn is comic books, and action figures, or that he legitimately gets a gum ball out of the gumball machine anytime he sees one.

Jimmy Fallon was seen chewing on a gum ball.

Jimmy Fallon: (mouthfull) What's wrong with that?

The Miz: Nothing, that's why I'm not making fun of it. What I'm mostly not going to make fun of him for though, is his victory over me last Monday on Warfare. You got me kid, sport, tiger, congratulations. I know that you have started to come into your own in that ring, and you should feel good about that. What I also know Trent, is that payback is a Bowser sized bitch, and that not only am I NOT going to let you take the Intercontinental Title from me, and not only am I NOT going to let you stand in my way of winning the Royal Rumble, but I'm going to hurt you in the process.. THAT you should NOT feel good about.

The Miz stared into the camera intensely. Jimmy spit out his gumball in the trash breaking the seriousness. The Miz sat back in his chair slowly lightening his mood once again.

Jimmy Fallon: That was nice man, I wouldn't want to be Trent Barreta. Although playing Nintendo all day does sound pretty awesome.

The Miz: Don't lie man, you do that now. You don't even work till like 11.

Jimmy Fallon: Touche, Miz. You see right through me.

The crowd laughed.

Jimmy Fallon: Anyways, we're almost out of time. Anything else you want to say about Sunday Night?

The Miz: I just want all my Mizfits to know, that the confidence I've displayed this week, isn't the same old Miz talking down to everybody just to talk down to everybody. The reason I'm so confident, is because I'm 100 percent locked in on achieving my goal of winning this Rumble match. The reason I'm so confident, is because I 100 percent believe in my heart that when the dust settles on Sunday Night, that the one man standing in the ring with his hands raised in victory, is going to be none other than this beautiful bastard that's sitting next to you right now Jimmy. Most of all though Jimmy, the reason I'm so confident, is because I'm The Miz... and I'm... AWESOME!

Jimmy Fallon: There you have it! The Miz, ladies and gentlemen.

The crowd cheered and Miz and Jimmy shook hands. The scene cut back to Grisham and Striker who continued hyping up the Royal Rumble as we faded to black.